Hello all,<BR>Well I went to my 1st (free) 1/2 hr session today. I went by myself. H asked if I wanted him to go. I wanted to go on my own first. Session wasn't what I expected. Or maybe I wasn't sure what to expect. All she did was listen, gasped some ooh's and uh-huh's and "I'm sorry to hear that," etc. 1/2 hr went by quickly. Didn't give me any advice. Said she could meet w/H for another free 1/2 hr session or we could come together for another freebie. But when I asked her what is done during counseling, what kind of therapy, etc., she didn't provide much insight. I guess 'cause my time w/her was free. Not sure if I like her. Felt somewhat uncomfortable, not free to spill it all out. Her reaction sounded as if she had never heard of this kind of A's (1-nighters' w/pregnant OW & trying to make it work for our marriage). Recommended DNA testing. I thought I was going to get all emotional & cry it all out & I didn't at all. Started looking for other counselors in yellow pgs. I just finished reading the article posted about how to choose a counselor. Maybe I just need to search some more?<P>Last night H & I talked a while. 1st night I let him sleep in our bed since D-day (12 days ago). He held me & told me he loved me and I know we would have ended up making love if I let him. I'm definitely not ready. I keep torturing myself by thinking of his hands roaming someone elses body, etc. I can't help but to picture him having sex w/someone else. How will I ever get over this hurdle?<P>I bought & have tried getting into Harley's "Suviving an Affair" & it's interesting, but it's so hard to follow b/c my situation is not like the one they tell in his book. Are there any books out there, similar to this, that talk about OC as a result of A's? I spent many hours in Border's Bkstore & on the internet till I decided to buy this one. Any other good ones?<P>Thanks for listening (reading) & responding! It helps so much since there is no one I can talk to about this. I put up a front & a fake smile at work & w/ co-workers. But my entire days, I feel choked up and a tremendous pressure of pain on my chest. This all hurts so bad that it literally, physically hurts my heart......<BR>marigo

Marigo93<BR>That was not a very productive counsel session. Keep trying to find someone else. Perhaps a marriage counselor is in your area that will see you both and you'll have a safe place to vent to H.<P>As far as "visions"....I still have them sometimes. I have no advice on making them go away. Do not rush intimaticy if you aren't ready. Hugging and talking is just fine for now.<P>It's a long haul but you can pull through it if you read and do the Harleys principals. <P>I hope your H can give you the healing words and actions you need. It makes all the difference in the world.<P>Prayers to you.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

My first couseling session went the same way as yours. I never went back to her again it was like she was one of my girlfriends or something. I'm not in couseling now, H and I have a family bible study together with a member of my congregation it helps me a lot. We study the bible views on making a family stronger. I agree with Gem look for another counselor.<P>Unsure

Marigo,<P>I agree... keep looking for a counselor, and you might try just going to church together for now. It's amazing how just being in God's house gives your heart comfort. It may just be the "medication" you need to get you through until you find a counselor and in between visits!<P>I'd like to take a quick second to welcome you. I know youare just a few days past D-day and you are feeling so raw inside. Just take comfort in knowing each and every one of us has felt exactly what you are feeling right now.<P>Please come here often to vent, cry, read, laugh, or lurk. whatever suits you the most. <P>Now as far as the intimacy issue. This is different for everyone. Some of us jumped right in the night of d-day, others waited months. It's whatever feels right for you. Just know the first time will most likely be rough. don't expect too much and try your best to keep focused on you and your husband. <P>I'm not trying to be harsh, but realistically those images you have of he and her will take a long long time to fade. Don't expect miracles overnight. But be assured, they do fade and become less and less important as you re-grow the trust and love in your marriage.<P>You have a long rollercoaster ride ahead of you, and many experts say it takes 2 years for a true "recovery". But once you cross the threshold and get past your marriage "issues" and the "issues" of OW/OC the light begins to shine quite bright.<P>Wishing you luck and happiness.<BR>Z.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.