I've come to the conclusion that I've been feeling really down and out. The move to a new town was good. I don't have to worry about the ow pulling andy more crap at h's workplace. Our numbers have changed, and she doesn't have them anymore, so I'm no longer receiving crank calls or all the hangup calls that I was before. H is working hard on staying on the right path and trying to make up for all of the crap. I've just been in the dumpster. It seems like I can't keep positive. Stupid things act as triggers throughout the day. I don't know. My family visited, and my Mom comented that we looked happy, and I looked good, but sometimes I would look so sad. I feel that to. I'm debating taking an anti-depressant. I thought I could do this on my own, but now I'm not sure. I might need help with this rough spot. <P>How many of you are on anti-depressants? Which ones are you taking? Anyone taking effexor? What do you think about them? <P>Sorry this post is tortuous, but that's just how I'm feeling now. Please pray for me and my family-my h, 9 month old baby, and myself. I really do want us to make it through this! Current problem-I can't see the sun through the clouds, forrest through the trees, etc. Sorry for all of the analogies.<P>ivc

IVC I was sorry to read things are so rough for you. I take 20 mg. prozac daily. It took about 3 wks to kick in. It helps w/mood swings. It sort of calms down your mind. Like I waited in a checkout line for about 12 min. Sun. only to find out I had waited in the wrong line for the purchase/return I was doing. Pre-prozac I may have snipped off the girls head for not having a sign up or something....prozac allowed me to smile and say "it's ok" and go to the other line!<P>I honestly think if anti-depressants can help you should take one.<P>My son is on effexor and it's a miracle as he functions like he used to. He took zoloft but after 3 weeks wasn't improving so dr. switched him.<P>I will pray for your family. What would we do w/o prayers?<P>Hpoe your day is peaceful.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear IVC,<P>Sorry to read that you are feeling so down. Remember this<BR>is still new to you...even though it feels like years <BR>already...news like this takes a long time to settle in.<P>It shifts all your thoughts, feelings, emotions...<BR>puts them off balance, which makes it even more difficult<BR>to sort through this mess and find the positive in it.<BR>The positive is your H is deeply remorseful. This is a <BR>very tough lesson but here we are...to get through it<BR>is to feel lots of pain, anguish, uncertainty, anger...<BR>you name it, I've felt it.<P>I'm sending warm prayers your way for H, baby and YOU.<BR>I have yet to get on anti-depressants...been trying to<BR>get through, like you. But there are days that I wish <BR>I was already taking something to take the edge off.<BR>I really like Gem's example of waiting in line and not<BR>getting po'd.<P>Take good care and know that we are all cheering for you.<BR>Love, fluke

IVC,<P>I'm sorry to hear that you are down. But I can totally relate to how you are feeling.<P>I'm on Wellbutrin. To me it was my saving grace. I was so scared at first to take them because I didn't want to feel drugged. I couldn't stand the thought of being "tranquilized". But it's nothing like that. I also worried about the image of being on perscription drugs.<P>I guess the best way to describe it is like a fog is being lifted off of your heart and mind. Things that seemed so troublesome and annoying aren't as disruptive to you. It's like you can put things into perspective easier and more normal. The little petty things don't get on your nerves, like Gem's description. And the big things may still bother you, but they don't catapolt you into tears and depression. <P>I still get angry and sad, but not with the same unrational intensity. When OW calls with her BS now, I just laugh at how stupid she makes herself look and keep on moving with my day. In the past I would start reliving the whole nightmare over and over in my head and get that "woe is me, why did this happen to me" syndrome. <P>I'm better able to appreciate all the wonderful & good things going on in my life, marriage and family. I can enjoy my kids even when the hefer calls in the middle of play time, I can still enjoy my husband when he leaves his socks on the kitchen floor and i can even tolerate the stupid customers who go off on me at the drop of a dime.<P>One of the reasons I and my doctor chose it over the others is because it has no proven sexual side affects. Which is important for me and H to keep that area of our lives going as strong as ever. My OB/GYN perscribed it when I broke down crying and sobbing when she asked me why I wanted HIV test and a full phyisical exam.<P>I hope that gives you an idea of what Wellbutrin does for me. Meds are a personal choice, right for some and not for others. If you feel it might help you it can't hurt to try. My doctor says they are non-addictive. That's another plus. <P>I'm a firm believer in getting whatever assistance is available to get my life back to normal. I deserve that and so do you.<P>Good luck and I hope you find what's best for you.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

No sex problems here!!!!!<P><BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear IVC,<P>I am sorry to hear that you are down.<P>Meds are a personal choice. I personally favor them. The more the better. I want to have a button made up that says "Hey if you aren't going to take your medication would you mind giving it to me?" or "You or me. One of us forgot to take her medecine today." <P>I have just weaned off of Effexor. I followed the Dr.'s plan for a slow discontinutation. It was unpleasant but not intolerable. The was some nausea and dizziness associated with coming off. Still all in all it was a very positive experience. I think that I might have very well lost or quit my job during those horrible times after Dday if I had not had the medication and I know that before the Effexor I was so depressed that I was not safe. It may very well have saved my life.<P>I am now wondering if I came off too soon. I am weepy and cry 3 or 4 times a day after months of no crying. I don't know if it is because all the adoption stuff is stirred up trying to get through the appeal and trying to work around the system at the same time or if it is because we have an upcoming visitation with Precious. Maybe it's both. Hey how about that! Two awful things are going on in my life and I feel awful. How is that for a coincidence? I am going to give this case of the severe blues about three more weeks and then I will talk to the p-doc (Internet shorthand for the psychiatrist) about the possibility of going back on it.<P>Let us know how things are going for you. We will be here for you.<P>MJ<P>PS don't forget that moving is a step forward but it is also a loss that brings about feelings of grief. Weren't you very near your family at your old home? That is a big loss. There are probably lots of very valid reasons why you are feeling depressed. Heck I just read an article tonight on how prevelant PAD (Post Adoption Depression) is. Funny how even very positive events can bring on stress and depression.

I just wanted to take the time to write a quick thank you to those of you who shared their stories and words of encouragement. I'm doing much better today, but am seriously considering effexor. I guess my depression also stemmed from the fact that we went to court on Aug 17, and I wasn't exactly allowing myself to feel anything from that because our son was ill, and my parents were visiting. Our son is doing much better now, and my parents went home, so now I don't have to hide my sadness. <P>I've got to take care of some things around the house, so this was just a quick note. Gemini and Zebrababy-thanks for sharing your experiences with the meds. Fluke-its always a pleasure to hear from you. Mrs. Job, if your sadness persists for too long go back to the meds, you're are such a pillar of strength for many of us. You need to get back to the top-that's just my opinion. Well, I've got to go and take care of business.<P>ivc