Last week I posted that my 1st session w/ a counselor didn't go to well. I started looking for other counselors and made some calls. There are not too many to choose from in my area and gets even narrower b/c I'm also searching for a bilingual counselor. My H is willing to go to counseling but would prefer in Spanish since that is our native language and he feels he'd be able to communicate & understand better. The 1st counselor I called said she wasn't bilingual but gave me some recommendations. I had also told her we are trying to recover from his infedility. She told me that she would recommend a "male" counselor b/c since he is the one that cheated he may feel "attacked" by 2 women and may begin to back out or shut down. I was looking for a female b/c I just think I would feel more comfortable & we all know, women are more sensitive, esp. w/such issues as ours. One of the persons she recommended is male, a psychologist, bilingual & bicultural. When I looked him up in the yellow pages, his name does not show the Marrige & Family license/title.<BR>So...<BR> **Have any of you thought or heard about what this counselor said re: Male VS Female counselors?<BR> **Which did you choose? Does her belief have any truth?<BR> **Have any of you female BS that go to counseling w/ your H have a female counselor? If so, how do he (H) behave? <BR> **Also, does it matter if it is a psychologist and not have that MFC license/title?<BR>Help! Your opinions, thoughts, ideas are welcomed!<BR><P>------------------<BR>marigo93<BR>BS-trying to forgive<BR>DDAY 8/12/01<BR>OW pregnant<BR>Do not want contact w/ OC

Marigo ¿De dónde son ustedes? Soy norteamericana pero estudié en una academia privada en en Sevilla, España. Obtuve la licenciatura de una universidad norteamericana y después seguí estudiando en Sevilla para perfeccionar mi español. También Señor Job y yo vivimos en el sur de España cuando él pilotiaba para la marina de guerros de los EE UU.<P>We have a male couneselor and we have found him to be great. I think that my H is less confrontational with another man and I think that he might have very well felt ganged up on by two women (me and a female counselor). Our counselor is very pro-marriage. I think that that is quite important to find out before beginning counselling. Some of them see themselves as "divorce facilitators." They can think that it is there job to get couples through their divorce as peacefully as possible.<P>I don't think it matters much about a PhD in psychology or a degree in Social Work. You want to find someone who does a majority of their work in marriage counseling and has had specialized training in marriage counseling. For me the degree doesn't matter nearly as much as a) their experience in marriage/couples work b) their goals in repairing or disposing of marriages c) a personality match.<P>Espero que esta mensaje le adyude un poco.<P>La Señora de Job<P>

marigo,<BR>I cannot say anything about the bilingual part, but we used both male and female family counselors and I think we both preferred the men. My H did not have a problem with using a female counselor, but she didn't seem as skilled as the others we saw (coincidence?).<P>I think the counselor's skill re: adultery issues is more important than gender. It's good to check out their licensing, and what approach they take.<BR>Good luck!!<BR>Jenny

Hola MJ<BR>Mis padres son Colombianos, yo naci en Nueva York pero fui criada con los costumbres Colombianos. Mi esposo es de El Salvador y aunque tiene 16 años aqui no habla bien el Ingles Tampoco no lo lee ni escribe muy bien en Ingles y no siente confiable hablarlo, ni entenderlo. <BR>Thanks about the points on checking out if the counselor is pro-marriage. I have already heard back from 2 of the female bilingual counselors and neither one of them can take on new cases. So I'm left with 1 male counselor who hasn't gotten back to me yet. There is 1 more female bilingual (but not bicultural) that I have not yet tried to get in contact with. Thanks.<BR>Jenny,<BR>Thank you too for your recommendations. I'll keep your points in mind. <BR>Thanks,<BR>Marigo

HI Marigo,<P>Just wanted you to know my H and I have used two different Male counselors and we both felt comfortable with them. The female counselor made me feel very uncomfortable, like you I didn't want to tell her the entire story.<P>Unsure