OK Folks,<P> I haven't posted in a while... my computer was down, replaced the hard drive and now I can reconnect with you guys...<P> Long story short...over a year since D-Day, Aug 23 2000 went into Plan B, May 2001 started counseling with husband. Still separated, OC born Dec. 26 2000. Husband still lives 40 min. away, in same town as OW. Helps with baby, pays her no support, friendly but no relationship (he says). Sees our 4 children on regular basis, pays me support etc.<P> OK...how long is this going to take? I'm losing patience. We go 1 step ahead and 2 back. I keep getting mixed messages. Tried to have husband over for dinner, just him and I a few weeks ago but he said I was rushing things. We have gone out on a number of "dates". He told me to put the divorce proceedings on hold because as he put it, "I'm not leaning that way" I recently reread "Survivng an Affair" but it is difficult to apply some of the principles when there is another child involved.<P> Last week we went out together at my request. I told him I wanted to talk to him. He told me later that evening he was afraide I was going to tell him I had enough. We went to a favorite pub and had a real good talk. I told him that I needed to feel that he wanted ME not just the sidebar parts of the marriage and that I felt that I was doing all the work. I really felt like we connected so deeply. When we left I suggested a ride down to the ocean. I kissed hi8m and tried to push things a little physically and he told me we should slow down. That hurt me and I got quite and he drove me home. How many time can I put myself on the line? He was angry that I was upset. After he drove away I left a few messages on his machine but he didn't call back. I didn't want the evening to end like that and wanted to connect with him. I called him at work the next morning and we talked. He doesn't want to be rushed or pressured. It's been over a year!!!! I want to feel desired. He said he'd call over the weekend but didn't. He was suppossed to take the kids today so I called him this morning to find out what time and got a little pissy about him not calling. He had lots of basically non-excuses. <P>He spent the day with the kids and he and my 15 year old had a big argument where my son told him he was picking on him and not my daughter because he (my son) had forgiven my husband but my daughter hadn't. My husband got really angry and said,"I don't give a **** if anyone forgives me I have to forgive myself".<P>I came home and we talked about my son. He gave me a slight kiss and we made arrangements to see each other on Wed. just the 2 of us.<P>I am starting to loose my feelings for him because of all this mamby-pambing around. I told him in counseling that I would give him till November. I really feel like he is trying to have it both ways. Or that he is just such a conflict avoider, people-pleaser that he can't let me and the kids go. I'm tired. I want to date. I want a man. Not a boy. Not a wishy-washy liar. I'm getting close to giving up. I've held on this long I should keep going but it's getting harder and harder. I tell him what I need and he doesn't come through time and time again. Maybe he doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Maybe I don't want a little JR. in my life. I'm tired. <BR> Kris<P>

Kris,<P>No advice from me ... only you can decide if and when you've truly had enough. I wish that I could offer more, but here is a little cyber hug... {{{{{{Kris}}}}}}<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Dear Kris,<P>I read you email last night, wrote a response and deleted it. I was unable to put into words just exactly what Terri said. You are the only who can make that decision. Everyone you know and many of us on this board whom you have never met have opinions on what you should do but you are the *only* one living in your exact situation.<P>Just know that we are here thinking of you and holding you in prayer.<P>Mrs. Job

QM,<P>I just wanted to give my support and tell you to pray about the matter and then make a decsion based upon the well being of your family. Your right a year is a long time. But in the end you have to decide what's best for you and the kids.<P><BR>Unsure