I keep dreaming that I'm holding oc and exOW has finally came to her senses, saying she only wants a father for her child. Is this normal has anyone else dreamed about oc? <P>I'm also feeling a little guilty (I know I have nothing to fell guilty for I didn't ask for or want to be in this situation) but I'm feeling guilty because I know I could convince H to be a part of oc life. But I also feel like why should I? exOW doesn't respect my position in my H life and just because H asked me to go to court with him for support she physically tried to attack me. As I told you guys before H was granted liberal visitation anytime or anyday he want's. (She's that desperate) And exOW is not supposed to be there. All he has to do is call her an hour or two in advance. He told me he would have his first visit last Sat. When he woke up he said he wasn't feeling well so he was going to call her tomorrow. The next day I asked him what his plans were he said, "I'm going to help tidy up the house then I'm call exOW and go see the baby. Instead he took our daughter to one of the neighbors house and had a few beers and then played basketball for the rest of the afternoon. <P>I kept saying to myself I'm not going to say anything to him. If he really wants to visit oc he will. I knew when he asked if I minded if he played basketball with my brother? That he wasn't going to see oc again. WHY should I feel guilty? What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like I should take charge and encourage visitation? My H is the type of guy who doesn't like restrictions. (when they are unjustified) I feel that the fact that she won't allow oc to come to our house is making him stay away. I know he doesn't want to go to her mothers house. He doesn't feel comfortable going there, I think if I was allowed to go everything would be o.k. What do you guys think am I the only one with these unreasonable feelings of guilt? <P>Unsure <BR>

Oh sweetie, why do you worry, why do you feel guilty, why do you feel responsible? It's estrogen and two X chromosomes. I am busy taking out my cells one by one and genetically removing that worry, guilt, responsibility gene (its on the short arm of the X chromosome.) <P>Your H, being an XY type of creature only has one X and the worry, guilt, responsibility gets cancelled by the basketball-playing, farting, [censored]-scratching gene. Don't forget to include the huge pre- and post-natal influence of huge volumes of testosterone. In my family we just refer to them as those "poor dear testosterone-poisoned ones."<P>I, for one, would never allow my husband to go to her house for visitation w/o me. I will never trust the two of them alone together again. You two need to be a united front. ex-OW needs to understand that visitation includes both of you or neither of you. If you husband makes such a stand to her, I'll bet that you will feel like a very cherished wife. I know that I do now that my husband is making that stance and refusing to knuckle under to the typical exOW nonsense.<P>MJ<P>

I needed to laugh and smile. After feeling all Mina's pain this is so insignifcant. <P>I will not allow H to go to exOW house the arrangement was for him to go to her mothers house and meet oc there. The court order say exOW can't be there. H and I agreed that he would turn around and walk out if she's there or shows up. My oldest sons knows what she looks like (the doctor office episode) so I know H would high tail it out of there. (he's bringing our sons with him) The only reason why I gave in and allowed H to go with out me was the fact that her sister can go to their mothers house whenever she wants and she tried to physically attack me in court with exOW last Monday. I decided to get to know oc when she came to our house. I don't know why I feel guilty? I had the worlds greatest father and I know I would have turned out differently if my father wasn't there for me. I think I'm trying to save the world. I need to realize I can only do whats best for my family.<P>Thank you for the encouraging words. <P><BR>Unsure

Unsure,<P>Guilt and the desire to save the world is like Mrs. Job said, a genetic reality for most women.<P>I for one... do not have it. For some reason, maybe selfishness I don't feel guilty for being happy that my husband has decided to cut off visitation indefinately.<P>I feel like it's one big pressure off of my family right now. Perhaps in time it'll be a better "fit" with my family, but not right now.<P>My time is so precious with my children. Both my husband and i work many hours so every moment we aren't working is spent on and with our children. They are MY primary responsibility. There well being and happiness is what matters most to me. The "distraction" of having to care for an infant is not what is best for them.<P>Again, i ramble.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hey unsure,<BR>I have reoccuring dreams in which I break into ow's home and go into her closet and write "slut" on every pair of her shoes with black permanent marker. Yep, on her shoes. Then I sneak back out through the window. Over and over I dream this, at least once a month. How's that for screwed up? <BR>-cd

Z-When H told me he would not have contact if he she pushed him to it. I was so happy I actully said to him before I jump for joy and smother you with kisses your saying to save our marriage you would not have contact with oc. I felt like a load was lifted off my shoulders. <P>After the supemarket epsiode yesterday and waking up finding my car keyed I can care less. I really tried to support H desire to be a father to OC but now I don't care. She wanted another baby so deal with it. The other two fathers aren't in their kids life, the only reason she wants H in oc life is because she wanted to be near him.<P>CD- I needed that. <P>Unsure