I am sorry that I didn't post sooner. I was not ready to post. Cd told me the ladies in this forum were very worried about me and she post an update. I am grateful that Cd post an update, at least to let all the ladies in this forum know that physically I am ok. <P>I do appreciate the support and prayers from everyone in this forum<P>Physically I am ok, emotionally I am a mess. <BR>Yesterday I went to see my doctor. My doctor want it to keep in the hospital for 3 to 4 days for severe depression. I told my doctor I couldn't stay in the hospital. I do not have a babysitter to stay with the children day and night, my parents do not live in NY. The doctor prescribe Zoloft 25mg, for the first two weeks. After the second week I will start with 50mg. This time I am not able to do it without medication, like I have been doing for the last 9 months. I hope the medication work. I will have to wait two weeks until my body gets adjust to it to see any results.<P>I have this mood swings, that I can't control. I was feeling a little better yesterday after seeing the doctor. I called CD to let her know what happen at the doctor. Now this morning I feel terrible again. I hate feeling like this.<P>H slept with ow, that time that I caught him in her apartment, and now she claims that she's pregnant with child#2. There could be a 50/50 chance that ow may be lying or she may be telling the truth. That day h I argue, he got drunk, and he went to see ow, he didn't use any protection. <P>She can very well be lying about pregnancy#2, now that she move to Florida. In one of her emails to h she told him the doors will always be open for him. But we do not know for sure if she's telling the truth or not. God this torture. I did not expect this at all. Whatever progress h and I made was base on lies. Since he has not been honest with me. H wants to work things out. I am not sure what will I decide. I am so confuse right now. I can't make a decision yet.<P>Thankyou. You are all wonderful ladies. I do not know what will I do without this forum. <P>with love mina

Mina,<P>Take your time to make whatever decision you choose. It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow. Focus on getting yourself better for your children. H and exOW can wait. Put them on the back burner. You and your family have all my thoughts and prayers. I sorry your going through this again.<P>Unsure

Mina,<BR> I am so sorry, yes please work on mina for your childrens sake and yours let h and ow come later. Girl I feel for you how have you kept from whacking h pee pee off? Again Iam so sorry we are all here for you. with love flowerseed

Dear Mina,<BR>Prayers and hugs to you. I hope ow is lying. If not, take care of yourself and get your feet planted firmly on solid ground before you make any decisions that will affect the rest of your life.<P>Get your mind better first Mina.<P>I hurt for you and have thought about you every day.<P>Zoloft is wonderful but takes time. Perhaps you can take an anti-anxiety drug w/it to stabilize your mood swings. I recommend it for short term use. It helped my son to stop crying until the anti-depressants kicked in and helped him sleep at night.<P>Prayers and love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Oh Mina honey...I am so very sorry. I have been out of the loop for a little while and had no idea. You and your family are in my prayers. My heart is with you...<BR>bw

Father,<P>At times like this we are reminded how much we stand in need of prayer. Not only do we need to pray, but we all need to be prayed for by people who love us. We need to be surrounded by a wall of prayer and to be reminded that whether we <B>feel</B> safe or not, that we never move from the palm of your hand. We are always held in your loving care.<P>For you have promised and we claim the promise that:<P>Romans 8<P><BR>38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,<BR>39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord<P>Romanos 8<P>38 Por lo cual estoy cierto que ni la muerte, ni la vida, ni ángeles, ni principados, no potestades, ni lo presente, ni lo por venir<BR>39 Ni lo alto, ni lo bajo, ni ninguna criatura nos podrá apartar del amor de Dios, que es en Cristo Jesús Señor nuestro<P>Please strengthen and comfort Mina, her husband and her children. Remind them in big and small ways of your love. Keep them focused on you, send them your Comforter, the Holy Spirit. We pray for their healing, their wholeness and their spirits. On behalf of Mina, we claim the promises that you have made to be with us through all our trials.<P>We pray in the name of Jesus, your Son and our Lord. Amen.<P>---------------<P>When Mr. Job and I had hit rock bottom and he asked me for a divorce (6 months after Dday), we couldn't get OW unentaglend from our lives, we lost the adoption of our beloved boys, I talked to my minister almost daily by phone or email. He wrote to me:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>And by the way. When we are plum out of options is usually when we are the closest to God. Funny how that works. And when we are plum out of miracles, God usually comes in the ordinary. No wonder he picked smelly shepherds and fishermen instead of executives, bishops, wealthy and socialites....we would all have been too busy to listen.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>--------------<P>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited August 31, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited August 31, 2001).]

Mina,<P>I wasn't in your situation because I didn't have children when I needed to go to the hospital for a week. I am sure that you must feel trapped because of the babysitting situation, but I will tell you that going to the hospital was the best thing I ever did for myself. If you are in danger of suicide, please consider carefully going to the hospital.<P>It served, for me, multiple purposes:<P>1. It let me be in a safe place for a week<BR>2. It gave me an escape from having to deal with Mr. Job and sometime to think without having to pack my bags and move out, something that I was afraid would set Mr. Job's attitude into steel "OK, you moved out, don't come back." He can be very stubborn<BR>3. When he argued with me at the hospital during visiting hours, a social worker came to our immediate aid and did some on the spot marriage counseling<BR>4. It hammered home to Mr. Job how gravely wrong what he did was and how badly it harmed me. I don't mean that I went to be manipulative, but boy if a wawyard spouse needs a clear indication of how destructive their selfish decisions are, taking the person you love to a psychiatric ward will drive that home faster than anything I can think of. My husband considers that to be the lowest point of his life to know that what he did made me want to die. I don't feel sorry that he had to carry that burden. I feel no obligation to prevent him from suffering the consequences of his actions and I don't mean that I am cold person. He suffered the natural consequence of his actions and that is the quickest way for anyone to learn. I will not shelter my children from the consequences of their actions either. <BR>5. I left the hospital with medications and post in-patient counseling in place. They moved me very gently back into the real world.<BR>6. Social workers explained to Mr. Job that there was nothing very unusual about a spouse feeling suicidal after such a huge betrayl and that there was nothing inherently wrong with me or weak about me for getting depressed in such circumstances. He desperately wanted for someone else (even me) to be to blame for my depression. If he could convince himself that I was emotionally weak then he had less responsibility for my current mental state.<P>Mina, if you need to go, it is your husband's responsibility to care for your children while you are in the hospital. If he had to have surgery who would care for them? You would. If you needed emergency surgery what would he do? He would find a way to make sure that your children are taken care of. Do you attend a church? Without having to tell anyone why you are in the hospital, I am sure that your husband could find someone to help with childcare while he went to work or he could even take some of his vacation time to care for them. I know that many women in my congregation would have cared for our children if the adoption had been completed by that time. That is what a community is for; to care for each other in times of need.<P>Whoops! I realize I am telling you what to do and I don't mean to do that. I just would like you to know that at this time in your life, you get to come first, your hurts and your needs are more important than anyone else's at this moment. It won't always be that way, but right now I believe it is.<P>MJ<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited August 31, 2001).]