Our OC will be seven months old this month. Everything is going ok, considering. We have not gone to court, but have visitation and child support set up and working smoothly. We are really only having one problem. OW will call H about twice a month to share some new thing OC did. It irks me to no end! H is aware of this and will often just not answer her calls. We dont want to go to court because none of us can afford court fees, lawyers, etc. I think H is afraid if he rocks the boat too much that OW will start crap about visitation. I dont think she will because she is a single mom, works, and needs us to help with OC. For example, I am watching him Monday because daycare is closed and she has to work. I want my H to write her a letter though laying out some boundaries. Such as the fact that calling to discuss that OC discovered his privates is not only unnecessary, but inappropriate! <BR>Any advice?

Oh Tryin!<BR>I can't believe what I just read.<P>No phone calls to your H is appropriate.<P>It's like sharing him with ow just because they have a child. Whether H likes it or not it has to drive YOU crazy.<P>As far as rocking the boat...I understand....but it gives ow too much freedom....like calling to share "baby moments" or having a sitter at her desire.<P>Some rules must be established or ow will get worse if she can pull whatever she wants w/no consequences.<P>Sit down w/your H and get together on those rules or you'll suffer the rest of the marriage.<P>You truly are a saint.<P>I'll pray for you.<P>No go and sit down w/H and have a talk.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Well, I am in nearly the same situation as you are. My we have not yet been to court either. <P>Have you had DNA yet? We haven't. Hopefully by the end of the year.<P>Our OW used to call for stuff like that too, until recently when I lost it and exploded to H. He decided to have her page for necessities only. He'll tell me when she pages. I trust him now. Plus she's a little pissed that she can't call the house directly. <P>My H also worries about rocking the boat with her. Sometimes it make me feel like a slave to her. I sometimes just wish that we could go to court and she'd never have the right to call and ask for jack. My H does a better job of being firm with her than I do, I come across looking like a B*i*t*c*h, he just looks like a man trying to keep his psycho wife calm. LOL Just kidding.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Just answered zebrababy's OW crapola post and mentioned exactly this in her thread--how OW may start looking for any reason to call H if zebrababy backs down and leaves contact up to H alone.<P>Dear t4s,<P>Can you both take the calls together? I mean, whenever she calls, would your H be open to asking her to hang on while you pick up the other line? What if you take the calls instead, can you handle that? I know it's a lot to ask, but a way that you can protect your marriage from this bi-monthly injection of OWs poison?????

Hi all.<BR>Havent sent the letter. Calming down a little about the situation. She actually has contact with both of us, but usually separately. She calls my husband at work or on his cell phone to "share" OC's newest discovery or antic. He often doesnt answer the call. Occasionally ,she calls our house to check on OC during visitation. <BR>I have tried all contact through me, but have days where something needs to be discussed and I just dont want to deal with her so I refer to H. I know, I know, I am usually stronger than that, but some days, I say "F@ck it", and leave up to God. Somewhat contradictory with the language, huh? <BR>I keep vacillating back and forth with the letter. It could totally backfire. I told my H about a week ago, that my current major issue is not the OC. It is the fact that SHE will never go away. The less of her the better.<BR>Keep giving advice. At this point, I need it.<BR>Oh, and if I change the letter to us and we, she will still know I wrote it, because H cant articulate well.<BR>I think that is part of the reason why we are here!

Oh and zebra...DNA done in March...OC is definitely H. And of course the spittin image. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Hang in there kiddo... You'll know exactly what to do and when. Heard Dr.Phil say something yesterday that to me, was really good advice. He said, "If you have to talk yourself into something, that means it isn't right. Your body is telling you something is wrong." Interesting, huh?