This is regarding my earlier post about an infant OC. I wrote the following and want to be sure I am clear but not too rude. Just dont think rudeness is necessary. Please let me know what you think. tryin<P><BR>September 2, 2001<BR>(OW),<BR>I have drafted this letter many times. I was trying to find a way to say this without anyone feeling hurt. I don’t think that will be possible under the circumstances. (H) and I felt it was best that I write this because he believes I can express our thoughts best. First of all, I want to thank you for all the cooperation you have given in allowing (OC) into our lives. I know the circumstances are difficult from everyone’s view and I appreciate your willingness to work with us.<BR>We really enjoy and love our time with (OC). You are doing a wonderful job keeping us informed of his progress and milestones. <BR>(H) and I are working very hard at restoring our marriage and appreciate all you have done to allow us to do this. I do need to set some boundaries, however, for the sake of my marriage and the well being of everyone involved. I need to be sure that my marriage and the role it plays in this entire situation are clear.<BR>I believe you need to keep phone contact with my husband to a minimum. You both need to discuss visitation times, medical information, and important decisions regarding (OC). That is understood. I know it is difficult to be a single mom, especially in these days. You are doing a wonderful job. I know you wish to share things with (H) regarding (OC), but it is not in the best interest of our marriage for both of you to discuss the small events in (OC)’s life, such as his eating, his antics, his day to day activities.<BR>(H) does want to know about (OC), but we have to consider this situation like a divorce. You and (H) only need to talk when it is necessary. I don’t know if you call (OC SIB)’s father to share little events, but it does not make sense for that to happen with (H). It makes sense to share pictures and briefly tell you how his visit with us went. It makes sense to call you to arrange pick up and drop off times for visitation and vice versa. It does not make sense for (H) to call you when he does something cute or interesting in his daily visits. <BR>I hope that I have not hurt your feelings by the way I have said these things. I know that you are trying to do what is right. I am also trying to do what I think is best, for my marriage. I should have thought of many of these things earlier, but hindsight is 20/20. <BR>Please know that (H) and I love (OC) with all our hearts and (H) is doing everything in his power to be the best dad that he knows how. He and I look forward to all the years of joy, fear, heartache, and love that our relationship with (OC) will bring.<BR>And, (OW), I thank you again for allowing us to be involved in his life and being a wonderful mother to him. I thank God every day that we have managed to work together to do what is best for (OC).<BR>Thanks for thinking about all I have said and respecting my marriage. <BR>(ME)<P><BR>

Hey Tryin I want to be your ow! HA! HA!<P>On a serious note....does she ever give YOU static?<P><BR>It seems like MOST ow give static when things don't go their way. She may put her back up and EXPECT to share things w/your H just because she ignores your marriage and is focused on the everyday "mommy-daddy" chit chat. <P>I mean my H and I talked all the time of events when our son was small. But we were married.<P>Think about sending the letter. Be prepared for a reaction you may not like.<P>love<BR>Debi <P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

??? I don't know. What if you discussed with H first and get in agreement, then actively participate in the bi-monthly phone calls instead of trying to reason with OW? I think it is nice of you to try to reason with her, but this is a person who knew no boundaries and is capable of trying to seduce your husband again and should be viewed as such! I'm sure snakes take very good care of their babies too! Just my knee-jerk reaction... Sorry if this sounded brusque.

BeenThereDoneThat.....Great advice! <P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Tryin,<P>I think you are soooooooo nice to this woman but if it works for yall then great! I was the same to our ow until she flipped, but thats another story. I am glad it is working for you. My take on your letter is that I understand what you are doing while writing it and I believe there is one thing I would change....<P>I am also better at writing feelings on paper than H. However I would write the letter using us and we and not explain anything at the beginning. It should not matter who wrote it but that it is from the both of you, together. Both sign it. She shouldnt be able to tell who wrote it. Just a suggestion......<P>Love<BR>bw