Long story. I will try to make it short. In last year that husband worked, he never filed any travel claims. He traveled about 50% of time and this adds up to about $30,000 that is owed us by the company that fired him last year. So some of these travel claims are two years old. It all seems to be part of the deterioration of Mr. Job (saw my inlaws yesterday. They said to me privately that looking back they can see his decay starting at the same time as the affair started. Also that they have little sympathy for him as he made the choices to make his life such a mess and I did not.)<P>We need the money and H can't seem to make himself do the travel claims and also gather the $50,000 that the company said they will pay him not to sue them for firing him.<P>This weekend we sat down and began sorting out the mess he created. Remember that we all used to live just a few miles apart when they met, then we moved but he continued to travel out there on business. Then she got preggo, moved near her family and we all currently live 2,000 miles apart.<P>As I sorted out the claims I see him taking her to all their favorite spots. In particular there was one restaurant that I was always asking him to take me when we lived out there. He usually said "No, I don't want to go there. Let's go here instead." He obviously didn't want to take me to where they <BR>always went.<P>Triggers, triggers, triggers. I also found a grocery store receipt for 4 weeks after OC was born for diapers, formula and panty liners. EEEEWWWWWW!<P>I kept my mouth shut as the goal of this exercise was to get our money back from this company and get us out of financial hot water. He kept getting crabbier and crabbier as we went through this chore. It makes him angry to relive the feelings of being fired. I said "Are you feeling crabby? If so, please stop taking it out on me. I am feeling crabby too. It doesn't make me very happy to sort receipts of where you took exOW for dinner on your business trips and especially not to find receipts for baby formula, diapers and her panty liners." He just said in a real snotty voice "Well, you wanted to do this." No apology, nothing<P>Why have I gained a new found ability to control (usually) what I say? I knew my immediate goal that day was to restore money to this marriage that was rightfully ours. Arguing about triggers would have just gotten this chore postponed for another 6 months while he wallowed in guilt and self-pity about what a horrible person he thinks he is. (In case you can't tell, that attitude is starting to wear on me especially when it gets used as an excuse to not do things that he finds distasteful or difficult.) I don't always like this new found ability. It felt better to scream and rant but it didn't get me what I want and also drove him away.<P>Is this personal growth? If so, I think that I would personally like to grow taller, not more mature. <P>MJ

Mrs Job,<P>When reading this thread, I sensed that you needed to be screaming, complaining, and everything else that would cause your H to get all huffy with you. I also have read your other post, in which you state that H's family blames him, and doesn't feel sorry for him in the situation he has place himself in. Do you have any one person in that family who could be your sounding board? I know it helps to vent here, but sometimes it's just better to have a person listen to it.<P>Just a thought. Hope it helped, and hope you and H get the receipts taken care of so you can get the money owed to you.<P>Love,<P>Tigger