Some of you know I was feeling guilty about my H not having contact with OC I felt like every child deserved a father. <P>exOW made the decision for him. Wed exOW and I ran into each other at the supermarket. We didn't say anything to each other. I had my D with me and she had her 4 children including OC with her. We both were checking out we walked past each other again she sneered I smiled. (It pisses her off that I smile at her) Anyway, after that I forgot about her. After I made my purchase my mother called my cell phone and asked me to pick up a few things for her I wrote them down while standing at the end of the counter. I gave my sister the list. (My sister was with me also) I proceeded to take the cart to the car to unload my bags. I looked back exOW and her kids were at the Customer service counter and she was looking at me and pointing. I thought she better not call the cops and lie on me again. I called H and told him what I saw. H is pissed because I can't even shop with out her making some type of scene. exOW and a security guard walk out she's pointing at my baby and me as if we are a threat to her. I tell H he flips out he's tells me if anyone walks up to you tell them if they touch you. You will sue the piss out of them. I don't swear he does. (His words were little bit more colorful) Anyway I bring the cart back and I'm walking into the store she start screaming and yelling as if she wants to fight me again. <P>I'm not the type to start or engage in any physical violence but I will defend my self if I have too. At this point I'm thinking you big coward just because you and your sister tried to attack me you automatically believe I would stoop to your level and do the same. I wouldn't waste my time or energy on her. I would never disrespect my daughter by subjecting her to any type of violence. I would never disrespect her children by saying anything to their mother. If she would ever disrespect my children I can honestly tell you I would hurt her. That's why I wouldn't do it to someone else. Anyway, (now that I sound like a thug) <P><BR>I went home H and I talked about it and he was like that's why I don't want anything to do with her she's ignorant. ( HE should have thought about that before we got into this situation) The next morning I wake up I'm rushing as usual I bring my D to the babysitter. As I'm getting back into the car the entire driver side is keyed. Deep gouges in it!! I'm on my way to the shop to get a dent taken out. (A lady ran into my car) I call H again he's like you know she did it! I can't believe she (or someone she sent) would walk up my driveway and scratch the side of my car up. I have a nice car I worked hard to get it, it's our first luxury car. We've always had cheaper used cars so this is a first for us and we take care of it. As I was saying I was bringing the car to the shop Thursday morning to get it fixed thank god she scratch up the same side that was being fixed they guy said he would fix the scratches for me free of charge. I now realize I should have reported this to the police. I was so upset I wasn't thinking, even though it was no way of proving it was her, I could have been documented.<P>Sat morning H and I were talking and I again asked what are your plans for today he said I have none. (I still can't let things go) So I say have you decided not to have contact with OC at this point he's says I don't want to deal with that B----. He says she has me at the point where I'm ready to kick her door in and grab her by her neck. She needs to leave my F'ing wife alone! Leave my family alone! I have so much hatred for her now! I was shocked H he never expressed plain hatred for her. I knew he didn't like her or want anything to do with her. But I thought I do not know what I thought. Don't worry he's not violent! Not with me anyway! I told him she wasn't worth it! I needed him here on the streets not in jail because of her. If we keep ignoring her she'll eventually go away. (I doubt it but I can dream)<BR>Anyway, H said he wanted to be a part of OC life but at this point her mother has him to the point of no return so he thinks it's best to stay away. I was happy to see him super protective of me again but I'm also hoping he's doing the right thing. I'm happy I don't have to worry about exOW breaking the court order and showing up at her mothers house. I'm glad I can have peace of mind for a moment and not wonder how the visits are going to go etc... I had a great weekend slept late Monday and I feel great today. I know my H loves me and is in love with me and that feels good. I told my H yesterday for the first time in almost a year that I'm in love with him again. Z- You know I was afraid to do it. It felt good to see the smile on his face and to hear him say he knew it all along with a cocky little smile. I don't know how long OC will be out of our lives but for the moment I'm going to enjoy my H and my kids.<P><BR>Unsure<BR>

My goodness! Are all OW psychos?? Personally, I think its time for you to consider a restraining order against the OW, for your and your family's protection! Do you have a RABBIT? If so, better hide the pans! (Fatal Attraction!) My thoughts and prayers are with you...you are stronger than this woman!

Unsure,<P>I know you were holding back the venom. I feel your pain. So many times I wanted to lash out verbally to my OW. I've never been angry in her presense, but I'm sure my reaction would have been the same as yours.<P>And I know your H was tickeled to hear you say those three words. I remember wanting so desperately to hear him say it with that longing, sincere look in his eyes. And when he finally did it was like the clouds were clear in my heart and all i could see were rainbows. I expect it was similar for him (even with the cocky smile, you know how ours do it!)<P>My husband keeps reminding me that our OW could be so much worse than she is. Then I read your post and it validates what he's been saying. This group of women that sleep with and get pregnant by married men sure are a wild bunch.<P>Good luck with sorting all this out. I'm thinking about you.<P>Z.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Z and Fightin- Thank you both very much for your thoughts and prayers. I feel very strong and confident right now. I feel as if I'm in control, I will not allow exOW antics to get to me.<P><BR>Fightin _ LOL Thank god we don't have a rabbit. I feel as if I'm dealing with the real fatal attraction.<BR>If she does one more stupid thing I will look into get a restraining order against her. And yes most OW's are physco. (not all but most)<P>Z-My sista in recovery. I know your reaction would have been the same as mine. We hold the cards they want what we have and can't get it. Remember never let them see you sweat. Your H better realize the gem he has. You've always shown and displayed true love when it comes to H.<P>Unsure

UNSure...good for you and your marriage and children.<BR>Past weekend ow pulled days of stuff too much to go into here...reinforces H not wanting anything to do w/baby or her! Me too! All her chances are used up now.<P>Bless you UNSure!<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Gem- Thanks for your support. I hope both of our exOW's realize their actions have forced our H's and us away from OC's. Their choice! I remember you were willing to be a part of oc life too. Oh well their loss.<P><BR>Unsure

[QUOTE]Originally posted by UNSure919400:<BR>[B]Gem- Thanks for your support. I hope both of our exOW's realize their actions have forced our H's and us away from OC's. Their choice! I remember you were willing to be a part of oc life too. Oh well their loss.<P> Unfortunately it isn't the ow loss it is the oc's. Our ow has pulled a lot of crapbut we stick it out and we have the law on our sides, i wish the kids wouldn't get hurt for things they have no control over<P>

Dear Unsure,<P>You stated you hoped your H was doing the right thing....rest assured..he is. I am so happy you and your marriage are back on the high road. <P>did you figure out what ow was telling customer service or the security guard? Im just morbidly curious.

Ya know whatif? I used to think like that but through prayer have found God wants us to leave things alone.<P>To continue to contort our everyday life to please ow would be too much.<P>She has written and called H over past weekend to tell him how she will wait forever for him and give him a dozen other kids.<P>Give him $ to help his business. Cried on his business tape and used the whole thing singing love songs to H.<P>I do not need this and H is drawn away from baby and her as am I.<P>If he suffers it's his Mom's doing...not mine.<P>She choose to have and keep a baby w/married man while she's married and has 3 little kids! Their dad is 3000 miles away. Should I feel bad for them too?<P>I've f'n had it w/the bytch(thankyou, Catnip).<P>No more anything w/her. Or the baby.<P>We will buy gifts to put away if he seeks us out. If not too bad.<P>We have letters and tapes to show how his mom was to both of us. SHE choose a baby w/MM. Tough. I've had enough!!!!!<P>love<BR>DEBI<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

What IF- I wished my 10 year old son didn't develope behavior problems because his father cheated on his mother and created an OC.<P>When the DNA test results came back I wished my son didn't hold my hand crying and screaming saying mommy do you think there might be a guy out there that's 100% since daddy's only 99.9%.<P>I wish my son didn't feel like he has to be the best at everything so he can make daddy extra proud of him.<P>I wish my 7 year old son didn't look at me and say mommy when that lady did all that yelling in the doctors office it scared me and I dream about it sometimes. (exOW of course) <P>I wish I didn't force my H to call exOW on March 13 to arrange visitation. If I didn't have a soft heart my children wouldn't have seen their mother get arrested. exOW <BR>showed the police H cell phone number (which is in my name) on her caller ID and said I was harrassing her. All because H wouldn't consent to seeing OC at her house without me around. So much for having the law on my side. I learned any over zealous Cop can arrest you and you have to pay thousands of dollars to prove you are innocent.<P>I wish I could work FT but I can't because my 10 year old son would freak out start crying If I wasn't home after school he used to think exOW had me arrested again or did some bodily harm to me.<P>I felt the exact way you did. I felt and still feel that OC is completely innocent. But I also know that I had a choice to give my H a second chance or to dump him. And if I choose to continue with the divorce my children would be around another woman. That was something I had to deal with there was no way I could dictate to H and say my children cannot be around exOW or some other woman.<P>I hope this isn't to harsh but my H affair doesn't just revolve around OC and exOW. I have 3 small children to think about. I said it before and I'll say it again it's exOW responsibilty to put her D first.<P>BW & Gem- Thank you very much for your support it wasn't easy for me and it's still not easy for me to support H decsion but I can't live day to day wondering what she's going to do next. I want to be able to be happy again and to live a some what normal life.<P>BW- She told security she was in a domestic situation with me and I was a threat to her and her children. She said she was trying not to involve the cops but would feel better if someone walked her to her car. I learned this today the lady behind the service desk knows my family very well. She didn't know exOW was talking about me until security walked back in and kept the cameras on me and my sister so they had us on tape just incase we did something to exOW!!! Thanks to exOW another person knows my H cheated on me and has an OC. <P>Thanks again all! I need this support. I'm supporting H's decsion but it's hard for me, but I think it's the best thing for my family right now.<P><BR>Unsure (About a lot of things but no longer about the love I have for my H)

Your marriage is valuable and precious & your son comes first. God will take care of OC. Pray pray pray and I will too!

BTDT,<P>Thanks a lot. I pray everyday and I ask God to give me the strenght to move forward and handle this situation the right way. That's the only thing I can do. The bible says pray for your enmies. I pray for exOW and I ask god to let her move foreward with her life. To put her children interest first in her heart. This is her 4th child, now that H decided not to have contact, none of the fathers are involved in any of the children lives and that's sad. She has push three men to the point where they say enough! I can't deal with her antics.<P>Thanks again for your support and prayers.<P><BR>Unsure<P>[This message has been edited by UNSure919400 (edited September 06, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by UNSure919400 (edited September 06, 2001).]

<BR> Unfortunately it isn't the ow loss it is the oc's. Our ow has pulled a lot of crapbut we stick it out and we have the law on our sides, i wish the kids wouldn't get hurt for things they have no control over<P> I wanted to point out I specifically wrote THE KIDS. the kids meaning plural more than one in other words not just the oc i mean the kids from the marriage as well, believe me although we have heavy visiatation and MY kids love the oc it does not mean the were not hurt or betrayed in this situation. i always forget to spell everything out in great detail when i write an opposing view. please forgive me I am having a really *&tty week and i hate when i have to go back and defend something that was read the wronge way.<P>

I'm glad you responded again. It's sad OC won't have a father in her life. But the law has failed me and my family. I can't be a target to a fatal attraction. I'm pretty sure you've never walked in my shoes with your exOW. I hope you and your family continue to enjoy your OC. I would have welcomed mine with open arms! Unforunatly that's not possible. When exOW finds another mans family to harass hopefully my H can be a father to his child. Until then I will support all my H efforts to protect our family at all cost.<P>My children mean everything to me and I will not put them in a situation with a woman who doesn't even respect her own children. I'm having a bad week also on some new birth control pills they have my hormones going crazy. <P>If you followed any of my posts you would know I don't gloat at the fact that H chooses no contact with OC. I'm actually haunted by his choice I constantly dream about OC. Me holding her. I honestly thought she would eventually become a part of our family. Her mother decided otherwise. Not me her MOTHER. Thanks for your opinon.<P><BR>Again I thank all of you ladies who gave me support I really need that right now. <P>Unsure

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by whatif?:<BR><B><BR> Unfortunately it isn't the ow loss it is the oc's. Our ow has pulled a lot of crapbut we stick it out and we have the law on our sides, i wish the kids wouldn't get hurt for things they have no control over<P> I wanted to point out I specifically wrote THE KIDS. the kids meaning plural more than one in other words not just the oc i mean the kids from the marriage as well, believe me although we have heavy visiatation and MY kids love the oc it does not mean the were not hurt or betrayed in this situation. i always forget to spell everything out in great detail when i write an opposing view. please forgive me I am having a really *&tty week and i hate when i have to go back and defend something that was read the wronge way.<BR> Sorry I just reraed this and it does seem really *****y. I really did mean that i feel sorry for ALL the kids involved because the are truely the most innocent. I am having a VERY bad week we were in court about visiatation and custody and I learned info I could have lived without and we didn't get what we wanted. I willpost more some other time. Unsure i truely didn't mean you were wronge for not being involved in oc's life I was just sayingit is sad all around that innocent kids get hurt, make sense?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

What If-<P>Thanks again I responded under your thread.<P>Unsure