to all who have been down this road,<P>I know that I am commited to this marriage and nothing she has done has taken my love or devotion from her. Sure I'm more than hurt by her actions and her running and her inability to confide in me, I can get over those things. I've read Bystander tell many people to formally deny paternity, but what other options are out there. What has worked for you? What hasn't worked? Do we move out of state? or do we stay here and face reality? (OM is in a completely different state)<P>Is there any way to ensure no contact? W has been wishywashy in the past and liing about contact. What if anything will make her commit? Do you think that now that all the cards are on the table that it will be easier for her to commit? It appears as if the unknowns prohibited her from commiting? But then she ran. How do I still love this woman who can hurt me so deeply and have no regard for her childrens feelings or well being?<P>I'm not even sure if w knows who the Father is, she's admitted to 2 OM? OM #1 is of diff ethnicity OM #2 I don't know? Will a mixed ethic c be harder to dodge the truth? Which I'm not sure is the right thing to do either. I'm just kinda venting but would appreciate any input to this new oc delema. <P>knight

knightmare,<BR>I'm so sorry for your pain. I've never been in your shoes (H fathered OC by another woman), but I knew of one couple in your shoes. <P>The couple, like many on this board, recovered from the affair, but their third child was obviously of a different ethnicity. Most adults who knew this family were in complete awe and respect for this man. He spent lots of time with playing with this child and showed great love. The only down side was their two older children were teased by other kids about their sibling; kids would say "that can't be your sister!" and worse. I'm not sure what the best response would be, but a counselor might have some good suggestions.<P>There is a chance the OC could be yours? I think most men in your situation are able to raise it as their own without people noticing and do not tell child about paternity until the child is much older (or in Mrs. Job's case, her 30s!) <P>K and the others should be able to help you with the legal aspects soon.<P>Prayers and good wishes,<BR>J, in recovery 3 years<P>There will be a tomorrow...