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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 55
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 55 |
My W had a one night stand and is now pregnant. D-day was 4 months ago. I have told her that I don't feel that spark that we used to have. We are in counseling and are learning about how we were before the A and we are learning how to better communicate with each other. We both have identified our most important emotional needs but I am not feeling anything anymore. I know I love her but what about that spark?? Our passion is limited, but I guess being pregnant will do that, but I still feel like I am missing that spark that I used to have prior to the A. Is this normal after suffering the discovery of an A? I am worried that the pain of the A is causing me to be falling out of love.
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 621
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 621 |
Hutch,<P>I hated my H after D-Day. I didn't want him to touch me at all not even to hand me something. I think the spark that is missing is all of the emotions you have inside. Lack of trust, betrayl, and anger. It took me almost a year to get that spark back. D-Day will be a year on 9/10. And I just recently told my H I was in love with him again. It's a long hard road. You'll have many up's and downs. Good Luck! I admire all you men who are willing to raise OC as your own.<P>Unsure
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Member
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
hutch:<P>4 months after D-day, I couldn't replace burned out lightbulbs because I wasn't sure of my "long term situation" in the relationship. I think you're actually doing great in that you are making some good progress.<P>Your recovery will be hampered by pregnancy (your wife isn't going to have the energy to give you 100% attention), and then by the birth of your child (same deal, and now there's someone else to compete for attention with you). However, these obstacles can become great opportunities for you to rebuild the marriage---by learning to give (effectively) under less than ideal circumstances. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't feel a "spark" for another 6-12 months, but overall, it sounds like you're making very solid progress.
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