the guy that I am pregnant by called me last night (from work of course) and he is moved back in fully with his xW. I told him that I am glad for him, so does that mean that since things are on the right track with him and xW again, will he concede to adoption. He said no, he has just accepted the fact that he will have another child to take care of. That is not what I wanted. As I said earlier, I do not want him involved w/ this child because i don't think that he would be a very good influence on him or her. I know that he is a good father to his 2 children by his xW, but his OC is not in the best position, because now that she is 2 years old, and just really got to start knowing her father this past year since he had moved into his own apartment and could spend more time with her and her mom, she is going to be confused as to why she is going to be seeing less and less of him. When he was on his own, he would go and spend the night w/ xOW or go there and stay and read her bedtime stories until she fell asleep and he would keep her by herself sometimes, or he would keep all thre kids at his apartment some nights. She won't be able to see her half siblings as much anymore, nor will she be able to spend the night with him/them anymore. I don't want that for my child. He made the comment that he would be living in a homeless shelter after a while ( he wasn't serious though). I didn't buy into it and sound sympathetic to him, I just said, "Maybe the cheif will let you stay at the police department" He just laughed. i asked him wasn't he scared that xOW would ask for child support now since he moved back home. He said he didn't know and he didn't care. I asked was she mad that he had moved back home. He said, "why should she be mad? We weren't going together." I reminded him that the reson she had gotten mad with him in the first place was because people had been telling her that he had been at his xW's house all night long and that he was always over there, even when he was on duty and he swore up and down people were lying on him. He said he didn't care what she thought. They weren't going together so she shouldn't get mad. then he said, "you're not mad about it so why should she be?" She's known him a lot longer than I have and she thought that when he left home, he was leaving for her. At any rate, it looks as if he has accepted that there will be another child and he SEEMS to want to help take care of it. i'm not sure if I should accept his "help" or would it be best for the child NOT to have a father figure who will be there for him/her only on occasion.

<BR>dt,<P>Again, this guy is in a powerful position. He can actually sue to establish paternity. Normally, such conduct is unusual because the "child support" guidelines are so out of whack that they create a unfair financial burden. But he's probably guessing that you'll be so far down on the ladder that his CS payment to you will be minimal. And I'd bet that's true. At that point, if he legally establishes paternity, he WILL get court-ordered visitation and you will have to comply with it, regardless of *your* feelings about him being a good influence. If you don't like it, tough noogies unless you can have him declared an unfit parent - and you're nowhere near that test. You could flaunt the court order and interfere with his access, but courts are finally starting to crack down on such conduct. In fact, depending on your state, he might even have a presumption of joint custody (and to be honest, he has a moral right to joint custody IMO). <P>Bystander