Hello,<BR>Through posts I have read here and there about folks taking anti-depression or anti-anxiety medication. Do you get prescribed from your counselor or a medical physician? If it is the medical physician, what do you say? Do I tell my doctor "I'm depressed. I think I need something?" Do you neeed to tell them about your problems before they'll prescribe? <P>This weekend will be 4 wks from the dday. We have another wk to wait to see a marriage counselor. We are doing ok as far as trying to work it out. We are reading Harley's book a bit every night. But I am sad all the time, think about it all the time. He seems to be trying really hard. At work, I keep quite busy but i'm constantly thinking about our situation. It's not like I stay rolled up in bed all day long, but if I didn't have the responsibility of my daughter and at work, that is what I wish I could just do all day. We have been intimate a few times but I've cried through it all. Just picturing him being w/ow. One time I couldn't even keep going & told him I couldn't go on. It's just not fair. <BR>Some of you responded to my post about when my stepson was told about the OC (unborn). My stepson asked my H about it over the phone & he told him it wasn't true & to not to believe what anyone says. My stepson then said ok & dropped the subject. My H denied it to his exwife too, but I know she'll hear the truth. But for my stepson, I don't think she will tell my stepson. I have told my H that the only way that we can even try to make it is if there is NO contact at all w/ OC. I was furious that day & became really down. I asked my H to immediately call his brothers (the fathers of his nephew & niece who told my stepson) to tell them to be more respectful & not to tell the kids these things or to talk about it in front of them. But my H wouldn't. He says he had already told them to keep this to themselves and that he'll tell them again,in person, without accusing them. I was upset he wouldn't do it & he knows I still am. <BR>Thanks for letting me update you and vent a little. Please let me know what you know about medications. Thanks.<BR>marigo93<P>------------------<BR>marigo93<BR>BS-trying to forgive<BR>DDAY 8/12/01<BR>OW pregnant<BR>Do not want contact w/ OC

marigo, I have been working all the time cant get here like I used to. I dont know what to tell you about the meds I never took anything I wanted something so bad but was to ashamed to have to tell the doc why. I made it, things really do get better its just a living hell we all seem to have to get threw it takes time. There always seems to be another twist to this nightmare. Has the oc been born yet? if so has your h had dna done? I feel so bad for you and your step son. We have no contact with ow or oc. Anybody finding out was a big problem with me to. Its been almost 2 yrs since oc was born so far nobody knows. There have been times I wonder why I feel like this. Ya know he did this not me why am I so worried about his dirty little secret. Then I think about our child finding out and I know thats why. I wish kids didnt have to know all the things they seem to now days. If your h has been proven by dna as the father of this child and stepson is asking questions I think if it was me I would make h explain himself to his son somehow.<BR> If the day comes that our daughter finds out about this my h will have to explain himself its not my problem its his.I have finally come to realize this is his problem not mine and all the worrying in the world is not going to change it she will be very messed up by all this if it be now or later. Im just hoping she will be able to be grown up first and it be her father to tell her about it and not someone else. <BR> I again am so sorry for you and your stepson its just not right but nothing is in all of this. I still have not found that magic wand we all seem to seek if I had I would wave it your way. with love flowerseed

Marigo you need a medical Dr. to prescribe something. I'm on anti-depressant and WAS taking anti-anxiety meds. One helps w/ the other. The anxiety med acts fast! allows you to sleep...it takes about a month to feel the full effects of anti- depressant.<P>I SAID what happened through tears. "H had and affair and C is on the way" That's all I said. You can say you're having problems you can't deal w/on your own and Dr. will prescribe something for you.<P>EVERYONE knows about oc in my situation. I blurted everything to all of our families in a matter of hours! Everyone has been supportive...of ME. In-laws told H I hold the cards to his future and he should acquiesce to anything I say to make things better for me. They tell him all the time what a lucky guy he is and I'm one in a million....they don't know about all of the rest of you....<P>If you need meds try them. They will help keep you calm enough to deal w/things better.<P>love and prayers<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi _ I am a BS who usually posts on the GQ board but I saw your question about meds. I take effexor- its similar to prozac -its a newer med that is BOTH for depression and anxiety.She started me on a small dose at first then over a months time I moved up to a once a day 150 mg extended release capsule. My woman family doctor prescribed it for me on D-day which was last valentines day for me. The dr told me it has a very fast half life and kicks in faster than paxil or other ones. It really helped me cope with my H who didnt end his A for months, he waffled back and forth, moved out for awhile, filed for D on me then cancelled it and now we are reconciling - 6 mo past d-day! I really dont know how I could have coped as well without the effexor.It really helped me think more clearly and cry alot less. Hope this helps! lifeismessy

Hi Marigo,<P>I went for a while on my own and then ow was really stirring up stuff and I kept catching H in lies. I nearly had a breakdown and I couldnt think about anything at all. i was at work and thought "forget this" and picked up the phone and make an appt for that day. I had to totally freak out on the nurse but at this point I know I needed something to help. I went to the dr and he asked me why I thought I needed medication. I thought I would tell him anything to get the help I needed and what was the worst he could say right. I said "well let me put it this way..my H has three children. We have been married for 3 years. His youngest is 5 months old and my youngest is 2 years." It took him a few seconds to register what I meant and then you should have seem the look on his face. It was almost funny. I says "oh, i see...um..ok....Not a problem" Then he made sure I was going to get counseling and I told him I had an appt. He prescribed Buspar which is an anti-anxiety med. For me it was perfect bc it allowed me to still be in control of my life, what I said, my actions.....I still was involved, but the med took the edge off. I no longer felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest or my blood was just going so fast it was going to break out of my wrists. I felt it in my wrists....is that weird? I felt normal. and I gained control over my life. I then went back to the same guy a few months later since I had already told him and had him test me for everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.<P>I would really reccomend it until you feel real again.<P>Love<P>bw

Oh yes and I went thru a regular MD because my counselor was not a psychiatrist (which are the only ones in the psychology field who give drugs).

I was taking Zoloft for about 4 months. It was more for anxiety. I went off on my own. I vacillate back and forth now about getting on it again (It's been 6 months since I last took it). For me, I found that it just kept the feelings at bay and didnt allow me to deal with them. Now I am dealing with them. It is not easy, but I am hanging in there. I also had trouble going to work and wanted to stay in bed. Not feeling like that so much. But I am still anxious alot of the time. I will be praying for u.

Hi,<BR>Flowerseed-no the OC is not born yet. My calculations come up with the OC being born in Nov or Dec. H says he'll get DNA done. It was a one night stand (supposedly-obviously it is hard to believe him. I second think everything he says). We also have a daughter (7yrs) & I don't want her finding out anything either-now or ever! <P>Gemini1-everyone in my H's family know-not by me or my choice. And you know what urks me?! No one, NOT ONE of them has said anything to me about it-you know like, I'm sorry you are going through this, or I hope you are doing ok, NOTHING! A couple of them (sister-in-laws) even had the nerve to come over, w/out invitation, w/the excuse to give my daughter a belated bday gift. (I gave my daughter a bday party just w/her classmates & didn't invite anyone in his family). They sat here in my livingroom laughing along & acting as if nothing. My H says they just feel bad & don't know what to say to me. He says that they tell him not to give up & to give it all he's got. I say that if they cared & were my "friends" they would say SOMETHING to me. ALL of my family is in the east coast & know nothing-and never will-I hope.<P>Everyone else-Thanks for your answers and recommendations. I don't know whether to keep trying to deal w/ this on my own, but I'll probably call my physician on Mon. <BR>Marigo93<P>------------------<BR>marigo93<BR>BS-trying to forgive<BR>DDAY 8/12/01<BR>OW pregnant<BR>Do not want contact w/ OC

marigo, Our little girl is the same age as yours. It makes ya sick dont it. I dont want her to ever know either. I know how you feel. My h had a one night stand also that turned out to be more then what he told me in the beginning.Is there such a thing as a three night stand. I know what ya mean about believing them. I still dont know what to believe. I had to tell myself one time was to many and try to make myself not think about it, easier said then done I know. <BR> I think I would have a real hard time with family also if they knew and acted like that. The problem with my h family is they all seem to be cheaters(except his father) they wouldnt think anything was wrong with it. Thats hard to be around also. I want to tell them all what a bunch of sickos they are. I just stay away. Hope you find some help with the meds soon. <BR> with love flowerseed <BR>

Hey Marigo maybe they are too uncomfotable to talk about it. It sure is an akward subject. Maybe because I was the one who called is why they reacted like they did.<BR>I've been part of the family over 30 years....since I was 18.<P>They would never accept another c or wife .....M-I-L still will not bring up subject of oc. Doesn't consider it a part of the legitimate family....has gotten soooo old and sick over all of this.....a different woman now. It's as if she blames herself for what her son did. It's not her fault! Also hurts her ow is of their same nationality...(me too but only 1/2) Is shamed by the whole thing. <P>F-I-L is the same. Puts me up there with all the saints in heaven for giving H a second chance. It's amazing!<P>It took time. When I wanted nothing to do w/oc H was willing to give me up. I was hurt but ok w/it. Then after he saw ow's true reason for giving birth (to snag H back) he backed away...after countless times of calling and being "understanding" w/her and to have her deny him visits because of me...STILL...he realizes to continue to fight would be harmful to us. A constant reminder to me. We are done w/that as ow wants to use c as a poker chip to stay in the game. Well the game is over now......<P>Bless you.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....