I've been reading several message boards about affairs but I haven't seen my particuluar situation any where.<P>My husband had a relationship (never married) with a woman and had children before we were married. We've been married for 6 years now and I just found out 7 weeks ago that he and the ex had another child in July of 2000. Does anyone else have a husband that has done this. It sure makes it hard to want all contact ended when they now have 3 children.<P>My other question....How many of you do want any contact with OC? How many of you don't? How many husbands do? How many husbands don't want contact?<P>For you men who's wife are/were pregnant by OM I think this might be a little harder to answer, but I'd love to hear what you are feeling too.<P>Thanks for a little bit of insight into this situation.<P><BR>

why, I am sorry for your pain. My situation is both similar and different. OW left my H[MM], after OC was born. H begged her to come back, after they were broke up for a year, and OW in another state. H made working, and housing, in our state, avaible to OW. She came back and had another OC with H. After 7 more years of affair going on, OW left for the second time, out of state. H gets served papers for child-support as soon as OW is out of state again. She finally got tired of waiting for H to divorce me and marry her. I found papers 4 years after OW has been in other state. <BR>My H has taken away any good memory I have. Like the surprise party we were at, and having such a great time. They had a belly dancer for entertainment. Now I realize OW was pregnant with my H's child at that time. Memory is now ruined, to an extent. It's difficult to not associate times in their affair with my marriage at that time. It's been 5.5 years since d-day for me. My H and I just recommitted to each other 5 months ago. OC's get child-support. H, nor I have had any contact with OW or OC's for 5 years now. This is both H's and my wishes. I would feel too threatened in my new relationship with my H, if he chose to have contact with OC's. I marvel at the W's on this board that do see OCs'. I just do not feel as secure in my trust of my H to wish contact. A ten year affair and 2 OC's is a lot to try to forgive. Maybe that's why it is so difficult for me to trust again. But I am doing the best I can. Any comments are welcome. ember

Our OC is 7 months old. H and OW had an affair for about 3 months only. It was more of an emotional need thing than physical. We have regular visitation and pay cs. The issue we have is that I have to deal with OW. It seems to getting harder than easier. I think we need to get back into our counseling. Had 2 sessions, went on vacation, Dr. had to cancel 3rd and we havent rescheduled. Its been two months since our last session. I think it might help me to get out some of my resentment. <BR>H is being very supportive of my mood swings and anger. He allows me to say and feel what I need to. The only thing we argue about is the OW phone calls about OC's new discoveries. They are few and far between but drive me NUTS! The only real issue I have about being involved with OC is that means OW is never far behind. OC is not the constant reminder...OW is.

Oc a little over a year old. i have 7 year old and one year old. We have constant visitation.

why, oc will be 2yrs in Oct, We have never had any contact just pay the support. We seen the oc one time and that was when they did the blood test. H never wanted anything to do with oc and I agreed with that. We have one 6yr girl together she knows nothing about this. with love flowerseed <BR>

Why, <BR>Dday was about 5 months ago, and I found out H has 2 oc. At this time H does have visitation, but I have chosen not to be involved. I want to be sure that I can relate fairly with the oc without having any resentment towards them. My involvement with them is providing a safe place (our home) for H visits, and have some imput for him on how to entertain and interact with them (he has forgotten over the years, ours are 21 and 19)<BR>Tina

it has been six weeks since d-day, my dh hid the A for 3 years-- child will be 3 in Nov. since my discovery dh has not had contact with OC but if i was to give the OK he would--he has developed a bond with OC. I have 2 teenage girls and i have no intentions on telling them about OC--so i would NEVER have anything to do with OC--if at any point he wants to have contact with OC he would have to do it just as he's been, without my knowledge.