Well court was a big pain in the ars. I found out afair was much longer than i thought so hubby and i are dealing with that. We wanted shared legal and shared physiacal custady. We got shared legal(meaning decisions about school,mediacal and religion) we have an equal say in. We did not however get shared physical we got the standar visiatation every other weekend(once child turns two) and one night a week(once child turns two but NOT once they are in school). It figures because if we got one more night a week our cs would have been dramatically reduced to almost nothing but as it is it isn't reduced at all and the ow basically gets a free sitter a few times a month. DO NOT get me wronge we wanted shared physiacal because being a good father to ALL his children means more to my hubby than anything else including money but it would have been a nice bonus to have the support lowered. Intill oc is two we get everyother weekend days and one evening a week just no over nights yet and I agreed with that I think before two the oc shouldn't be taken away from mother overnigt for the ocf sake not the ow. Yes me and hubby were in the room together with the ow and her lawyer we werein front of a magistrate not a judge. Anyway we had oc today and we went to the zoo all my kids(I now include oc as one of my own,just like i would any step child just as my hubby accepted my 7 year old as his) all had a wonderful time and we took a thousand pictures. the way i look at it the ow is the one who is missing out i still ahve my marriage, my hubby now thinks i can walk on water because of my acceptance and love of the oc and I have three kids who think I am great. The oc is a part of my life and the oc gets to be in a family with siblings and a "mommy" and a daddy and the ow does not. i am rambling now. Visiatation, courts, dealing with the ow are ALL a nightmare don't get me wronge but my hubbies love and respect and the love and respect of the kids make all the crap well worth it.

Good for you whatif?. How long was the A and how long did you think it was?<BR>Initially H told me a little over a year when it was about 3 yrs. Far and few between were the encounters but to me ONE time is enough!<P>Don't forget that bcuz of our "couple" friendship I told ow more than I should have about H and our marriage. It sickens me how she was boinking him all the while she acted like my good friend! I've told H that is one of the hardest things I had to accept. Being made a classic fool along w/ow H. ugh.....<P>I now receive e-mails from her telling me I am the reason H won't see c...that he feels sorry for me....that she will wait for him forever...that when H and I are together remember his mouth was all over her body....she gave him the best B.J. he ever had cuz he told her....he was w/her for a reason cuz he wasn't getting it at home....I would look good w/a bag over my ugly wrinkled face....on and on...<P>I now delete them w/o reading.<P>Sorry I went on and on and off the subject!<P>Court must have still been painful no matter what H thinks of you.<BR>Prayers to you super lady.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Whatif?,<P>I am happy for your ability to love this child as your own step child. Just as my H loves Abbi as his, and she really is his in every way that is now important to us! It takes a strong person to be able to accept this lot that has been given to them. <P>Sailorman came home this past Tues, and when we were leaving the ship, a comment was made that could have been painful, but he handled it like a true Daddy. I was carrying Abbi, and one of the guys asked if that was Sailorman's baby. When he said yes, the guy said, as most people do to tease or joke with another person, "It's a good thing she looks like your wife!" Sailorman just smiled and said, "Yep!" Without even thinking about it.<P>Debi,<P>Haven't you been printing those things for legal proof, just in case? I thought I had read that was what you were doing. I know how it feels to be "friends" with the OW, since that was done to me when the kids and I joined up with Sailorman here. I know it can be painful. Here I thought that I had a great friend to do things with when Sailorman left, but she was hardly ever available once he left. I honestly sometimes wonder if things would have gone as far as they did if she had actually been there like she said she would be. But, that is all in the past, and Sailorman and I are growing closer every day.<P>Oh, we started reading that book I told you about, and it is great so far! I would definately recommend getting it for Tonk and stb Mrs. Tonk to read together. It starts out with Dr. Harley stating how he became such a successful marriage counselor. I had never heard his actual story, and it's pretty interesting.<P>Ok, I have gone on long enough. <P>Tigger