Would you marry your spouse if you knew then what you know now? Would you stay with your spouse if it happened a second time? I think of that song "The Dance" by Garth Brooks "Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance,<BR>Sometimes I wonder if the dance is worth it, what about you all?<BR>

Good Q, neverforget.<BR>Yes I would do it again for I would have missed the "dance" of young married life....raising our son after 6 years of marriage....buying our first home....the many anniversaries and holidays and birthdays we've shared over the years...the movies and dinners....the dancing till all hours when we were younger....The gifts we've exchanged for different occassions and the look on our faces when we opened them....the true closeness we have if not for a couple of years of how he was miserable and now recognizes that as the worst time in his life. Was too scared to end it for fear of ow telling me and me being hurt.<P>The winter nights making love or eating popcorn and watching tv. The summer weekends filled w/friends who rejoyce at our recovery....swimming together at night in our pool....enjoying a beer watching Yankee's baseball.<P>The prayers we now share is most important. I think God had me call him back to HIM through my pain and forgiveness. He is a changed man. I feel love/pity for him. He went through some of the same pain I did w/he had to tell me. He feared his life w/me was over. It took 6 months after to see the true change. I am forever greatful and love him very much. As I said from the start....He's a GOOD man who let satan into his life for the wrong kind of joy-ride. It's so much more joyous to go w/the Lord! PEACEFUL is what you get. Not mixed up craziness. A pattern of happiness is yours if you give it up to the Lord. <P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

NO! I have had to deal with his unemployment, lack of control, drug abuse, verbal abuse during the drug use, and now infidelity. No wonder my family thinks I am out of my mind for staying. Love is blind and the good Lord works in mysterious ways.

And I havent danced in a very long time...

neverforget, Yes and no. Yes a would have married h noing that he cheated cause I did. We were not married when it happened just living as we were. I was told about the cheating before hand I didnt know about that she was preg. H asured me there was no chance of this and I believed him he knew all along about it. His excuse is he didnt think it was his.I got the news 3 months after we got married from ow calling wanting to know if h wanted anything to do with his 2 week old son. I have had a real hard time with this the second betrayel it was much worse. I should have been told so I could make the choice myself but I wasnt.<BR> No way would I have married him if I had known he knew this. I made it clear when he first told me of the cheating that if there was any chance of preg I was gone. I was just stupid enough to believe him. The crap we are dealing with right now is just way I felt that way. There are so many times now that I really wonder if its worth it. I will keep hanging on till I cant take it no more.<BR> If h even thought about cheating again I would be so long gone he would never see me again. Never ever ,ever will I go through this again.<BR> with love flowerseed

No. No amount of this kind of pain, would be worth it, except, maybe to get into heaven. I am recommitted to my marriage. It's been a very long road. But, would I willingly do it over again, knowing? NO WAY!<P>If it happened again? NO WAY!<P>ember

I ask my H that often--would you marry me again today, knowing allthat you know about me now? He always says yes...

Hi Never Forget,<P>Good minds think alike! I asked the same question a few months ago. I'll link to it here:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/001256.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/001256.html</A> <P>My answer still stands as it did then. Yes I would remarry him even if I couldn't change the affair.<P>Mrs. Job<P>Mrs. Job

Neverforget;<BR>Yes, I would marry her again even knowing the terrible things that I discovered 9 months ago. <BR>I do feel that if I was younger when these events were exposed I probably would have answered differently due in part to youthful impetuosity, but our dance has lasted for a long time. We have had 37 years together and in that time I have had experiences, most of them good, that I never would have had with any other woman. Granted some of them caused a great deal of pain, but no one who is realistic expects to live their lives totally without pain. We have been given a chance to rebuild and are taking the fullest advantage of that opportunity. Our oldest son and grandchild would not be contributing to the world today and I would have missed the privilege of raising my youngest son (and I will always consider him mine) for he became the light of my life and has been a source of pride to me for 27 years. <BR>Our love was always there even though it was at times clouded by outside influences. Through this we have discovered who we really are and how strong we can be. The bond between us is stronger now than it has ever been. <P>Usedlongago<BR>

Yes,<BR>If I had not married my spouse, I would not have the two wonderful children that have giving me nothing but pleasure. I would have missed out on at least 20 years of happiness we have had together, but I would have paid attention to the warning signs and acted on them rather than pretending everything was alright.<P>Tina

I'll say yes. But if it was some way to get my exact three children without him. I would say No! I didn't ever want to deal with a child outside our marriage. And since we were so young when we got married I never thought I would. <P>Heck NO!! If he cheated again he would be thrown to the curb. I wouldn't take a second glance at him. He wouldn't exsit to me. When I filed for a divorce the day after D-day I felt dirty being his wife and I wanted to sever all ties ASAP! I know I couldn't go through this again.<P>Unsure

Hello,<P>For the record, I love my husband dearly and hope we can recover from his A and all its fallout. We have been married over 26 years and DDay#1 was almost 3 years ago, and DDay #2 (it never really ended after DDay #1) was over 2 yeaes ago. <P>BUT<P>If I had to choose again knowing all that I know now and have been through, I would NEVER marry him all over again........NEVER, NO WAY, NO HOW, NOT A CHANCE!!!!!<P>love,<BR>anniem

My answer is a big yes. From his a, we have forged ahead and made something that is better that I would have even dared hoped for. Sure, there is a lot of pain and regrets on both sides, but it is much easier to go on when you have a h that is willing to anything I need to make me feel better.<P>It has tuaght us so much and proven that when the bad times come, we just bond even more. That is the bright side to bad things happening - it is a test and if you pass, you learn, grow and thrive.<P>By the way, thanks for bringing up that song. I don't like country, but I loved that song but didn't really think about it much. Now when I hear that song, I will listen more closely and it will make me smile. I would not have missed our dance for anything. <P><p>[This message has been edited by samoyed (edited September 12, 2001).]

Hi,<P>I'm new on this board - coming over from divorced.<P>My take is a NO in a big way. I would go back and sit somewhere else in that college class where we met. The only thing that would hurt me is that I wouldn't have my children, and I'd be tempted to say yes for only that reason. But this was a man who had an open zipper policy from the very beginning and gave me an std in the process. NO in a big way. I'd have my health back and my sanity.<P>I'm here now because after he left and we were divorced in February, I now believe the OW is pregnant. I don't even know if they ever got married or not, just that my son saw a maternity bathing suit in the store we were at and said he saw suits like this in dad's closet (my kids have not met the OW yet, in fact I've to date never seen her).<P>So NO NO NO. I also never danced in the first place. I'm going to post this over on the divorced board also in case you want to take a peek over there on the responses, it's an interesting question.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Kathy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited September 22, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by neverforget:<BR>[B]Would you marry your spouse if you knew then what you know now? Would you stay with your spouse if it happened a second time? B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I couldn't stay with my husband if this happened a second time because he'd probably be dead and I'd be in prison with Betty Broderick.<P>As for knowing then what I know now...if I knew then what I know now, I would be on alert for this happening and have the power to change history. If I could do that, yes, I would have married him knowing that this could happen if I had the power to change the outcome. But that is fantasy.<P>My biggest downfall is wishing I could go back in time and fix things or do things differently. I am constantly in a state of regret and fantasize what things would be like if I had taken different paths.<P>I have a friend who is almost finished with a board game he has authored that is for people of every age. It begins for children where they can see what the effect of their choices will be. If they choose to do one thing, they have to continue on a path of consequences that lead to success or failure. It is a way for children to get a sneak peek into their life's outcome. There is one for teen agers and one for adults as well. It is very, very telling and one that impacts the player directly because of the consequences they endure if they choose the wrong path. It is very cool. I wish my husband and I would have had this game three years ago. He would have seen the domino effect of his actions that have annihilated his life and perhaps he would have been more cognizant of his actions. But then, he was so reckless back then, maybe nothing would have helped.<P>At any rate, we all married our spouses thinking they were not capable of doing what they did to us. We all thought they were so in love with us they would "forsake all others" and honor their vows. And now that we are all shell shocked and reeling from the trauma for the rest of our lives, adjusting our lives because of the dramatic ugly changes, we wonder if they are worth the effort. Some are, some are not. And only each of us can determine that.<P>If I knew that this could happen and that I would not have the power to influence change, then, no, I would not marry him because it is too hard to extract myself from him and our life together because we are so intertwined. I'm too crazy about him and I am too destroyed by what he has done and this has nearly killed me. If I knew then that I would end up so in love with him that I would be willing to endure the fallout from his actions, I would not have married him.<P>But none of us have a crystal ball...sigh...<P>Catnip =^^= <P>

NEVER in a million years would I do it again.<P>jt