I know you lurk here. I miss your wisdom to newbies! Hell I just miss YOU!<P>Are things getting easier now? I hope so. How are you doing these days?<BR>Please let us know, will you?<BR>You know, one of those long signature posts you deliver to us.<P>Looking forward to any news.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi Gem. <P>Since I have been remiss in my lurking, I didn't see your post to me until last night when I just happened to take a moment to catch up on what is happening on the forum.<P>Like most Americans, I've spent the past five days on the sofa, in front of the TV, praying, crying, watching in stunned disbelief, listening to the reports, and trying desperately to think of something, anything I can do.<P>I am so impressed with and grateful for our President. Thank God that Divine Providence stepped in last November and turned the election in his favor. I hate to think of what it would be like right now if we did not have Mr. Bush leading our country through this most terrible, terrible time in our nation's history. <P>Aside from the realization that in the big scheme of things I am really nothing more than an insignificant speck, my problems have taken on a new perspective.<P>As the two political parties instantaneously dissolved their differences and have come together in the most united of alliances, the trickle down effect of this mindset and softening of hearts has come into my heart and into my home.<P>Just two months ago, I made a decision to move forward on my own. My husband was going through a terrible time and was taking it out on me. In addition to all the other rotten things that had happened to us over the past three years, I just could not tolerate one more moment of any kind of mood, abuse, names calling or cold rejection in any form. I had had it. I was all done. I resolved never to allow myself to be put in that position again as long as I lived.<P>My husband can be emotionally immature and is a reactionary. He also struggles with his selfishness, which of course, directly effects me. Once again he finds himself sitting down to a banquet of consequences for his bad behavior. This time it was the prospect of losing me forever.<P>While his loving and contrite behavior of the past three weeks is nice, I am having a terrible time believing him and trusting his "good twin". His "evil twin" made life terrible all through August. And I became so angry and so indignant that he would dare do anything like this to me again on any level, my resolve was to shake loose of his toxic love and move on.<P>I am still moving forward alone but with the door open for discussion and possibilities. I realize that his puffed up sense of self has been deflated with this tragedy that happened this week in NY and Washington DC. He too realizes that he isn't much in the big scheme of things and something of this magnitude puts things in its proper perspective. We both find ourselves gravitating towards each other for comfort, to commiserate, to share the sorrow of the tragedy and cry, feel the gratitude that we were born Americans and part of this great and most powerful and blessed nation. Right now everything seems so basic and so stripped of 'self' and more focused on the greater good of our country.<P>Yesterday, I went into town with my husband to get our tank filled with propane. We had run out of hot water, couldn't cook, couldn't dry clothes...you know the drill. Anyway, there was a small art fair spread out over the boulevard, so we stopped to look around and walk the booths. At the end of the boulevard was a restored railroad depot that had been converted into the town's chamber of commerce. I wanted to check it out. There were three people behind the counter selling tee shirts with the American flag across the chest and the words "United We Stand". Two of these people were a couple of senior citizens and David and I got into a conversation with them about patriotism of bygone days and I told them about what my mother told me about when she was in high school during the second world war and how people would be moved to tears when they sang the Star Spangled Banner at high school football games. <P>The third person behind the counter was sitting at the desk and had been very quiet, in fact, I had hardly noticed her. Suddenly she blurted out, "I have two sons in the military. One is in the Marines and the other is in the Army and stationed on the east coast." She went on to tell us about her boys and what their jobs were. The emotion in her voice moved me so, and moved my husband, I heard him clear his throat and glanced at the seniors and saw the emotion in their faces. The emotion that came through was her fear for her sons' safety and what the future may hold for them and for our country combined with the pride in her heart. She walked up to the counter and brought me a tissue and said to me "I didn't mean to make you cry." (I didn't even know I had started crying) Five strangers stood for several minutes sharing unspoken fear and apprehension, pride and gratitude and touched each other in such a strange profound way. I guess you had to be there.<P>Gem, thanks for checking in with me. I think of you often and always read your threads and postings. (I'm keeping up even if it takes me days to do it) You are in my prayers, Gem. I know you have been dealing with difficult issues and right now the only thing important is for you and yours to pull together and stay in prayer, in God's light.<P>Love, comfort, guidance and protection<P>Catnip =^^=

As usual your reply was eloquent with a touch of emotion mixed in with your compassion for others and their heartaches.<P>Catnip I'm glad to see you're stronger that a month ago. At least you sound so.<P>Yes, we are but a speck in the Earths' eye. Makes things come into perspective rather quickly the last turn of events that flatened a portion of our nation. (Not for long!)<P>Check in once in a while dear friend, won't you?<P>Blessings to us all.<BR>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Catnip,<P>Glad to hear your voice. You do seem to be feeling much better.<P>I hate to butt in where I am not welcome. But are you sure you want to be reconciling (even to a small degree) with Mr. Cat? Has he corrected any of the basic issues--bipolar, abusive language, I think that he was drinking again, but am not sure on this point.<P>I only ask in love and concern. I feel like you and I have had so many issues in common. Mr. Job has never had substance issues, but I have said that there have been some ongoing questions about a mild case of bipolar. Our current counselor says "no" and he is doing well and is emotionally stable. He is working on anger mgt. and narcissism in counseling. I feel safe and happy staying because I am seeing progress on his part. Are you seeing progress on your husband's part? Only asking out of concern and solidarity.<P>Love, <BR>MJ

Dear Mrs. Job<P>You asked some very pointed questions...and I assure you, I have asked myself all these questions a thousand times.<P>Struggling with the decisions I have made and may reverse, depending upon the boundaries and stipulations I have outlined for Mr. Catnip, have left me unsettled.<P>The ONLY good thing about my husband's illness is it gave a reason, an excuse for why he did what he did. I know, I know, it's grasping at straws and even self deceptive, but it does comfort me to a degree.<P>Pray for me...I'll pray for you.<P>Catnip =^^= <P>

I have never stopped mentioning you in my prayers, catnip... just so you know...