We do not have visitation but I always know it could occur at some time<P>If you have other children, how do you explain to them who this child is?<P>Does the oc call H "daddy" ? and what does he/she call you?<P>Though I know it is not o/c fault and would not really be directed to the child <BR>I know it owuld be so painful for me, it already is, and I have never seen oc, the fact that this child is part of my H and my son, but not a part of me.<P>What does he look like???<BR>Does he resemble my guys???<BR>H said no not at all<BR>he has only seen oc at dna test <BR>but of course then we still had hope of a negative answer<P><BR>its been a while<BR>over 1 1/2 years since i knew of possibility<BR>and 6 months since dna results but i still obsess and nearly cry when i see a child of same age as oc

I hope my answers to some of your questions will be of use to you. My children are ages 7 and almost 2. We have had visitation with the oc since this past Feb. My h started the visitation alone, as directed by the court, he had one month of supervised with the mother, and then two months of unsupervised, alone with the oc, and without our family. The whole family has have visitation for about five months. We really did not have to explain to our two year old anything, we just brought the oc home and introduced them and the two year old took to the oc and asks for him all the time when he is not with us. Our seven year old, we explained to him that when he was a baby, because the oc is a product of a one night stand, during a brief separation, mommy and daddy were not getting along. Daddy met another lady and they had a baby together, and we just found him after years of searching, which is partly true. It took almost two years in court to get visitation, that is another long story. Our son took it well and the two children who are a year apart get along great. The oc does not call my h dad, he uses his first name, as directed by his mom, this issue is going to be addressed in court very soon, we do not like it, but the oc is following his mother's direction. The oc calls me by my first name which is fine. I refer to him as my stepson, and am happy with all that. It was painful in the beginning, but has gotten easier for me. The child and my children are building a relationship and I feel it is important to my children to know their sibling so I am happy with this, althought it really is not right for others it is great for us. We will be going to court at the end of the week to try and get an extention to our very limited visitation we have now, and to clear up some issues we have with the oc's mother. For example, calling me h by his first name, and also the fact the mother of oc has told him they are poor because my h does not give them $ when we pay hundreds a month in cs. The xow has been clouding the oc's mind with lies for months, so hopefully we can get some help from the courts. As side for the issues with the xow the relationship and time we spend with the oc has been rewarding and happy. We will continue to work toward building a relationship and bond with the oc and hope to make him a total part of our family. Best wishes and Peace to you and your family, Gabi1116

I am currently in your situation except for 1 thing, my ow refuses to take a paternity test, but for 2 1/2 yrs almost 3 my dh visited the OC every week and provided support. my children are 16, 13 and they don't know of OWC and I have no intentions of telling them. I may take some heat from others but my family comes first. if and when she takes test or if she takes him to court and he has to visit OC it will not be at my home. the way i look at it, the OW and my dh created the situation that child is in, i am no way obligated to incorporate them into my family. that OWC will adapt to the situation because she will be use to her father not living with her. however, my children will suffer a great deal because me and their father never separated, never had a physical fight, never had an all out dirty verbal argument. dh never stayed out excessively late, never stayed out all night--get the picture, i wouldn't even know how to explain it to my children. Oh, by the way my dh told me OWC does call him daddy. its bad enought that i am torn to pieces, i will not do this to my children. many would say they will find out and i say i'll cross that brigde when i get to it. I do wonder what they both look like especially since they live approx. 10 blocks from my home but i sort of glad i don't know because if i was to see them, i don't know what i would do.