have any of you had the OW refuse to get a paternity test. heres my story we set up an appt. for the OW and the OWC to get a paternity test on 9/5. the diagnostic center called OW and the OW confirmed said she would be there. on 9/6 the diagnostic center called and said she didn't show up. my dh told me he would contact her. the next day I spoke with my dh, he told me he contacted the OW and asked her why she didn't show up for the paternity test. she told him because she doesn't and won't take a test because i want it done. he said he told her that it wasn't me, it was him who wanted the test because her behavior has him in doubt now. he said she started screaming at him, telling him she has the papers he signed that admits he knows he's the father and the only way he could rescind (spelling may be wrong) would be that he signed them under deress, physical harm or financial obligation. he said he just hung up on her. would fear of BW finding out be considered signed under deress? she then left a message on his cell phone telling him that she is giving him one week (to do what-i don't know) and then she will take him to court. I asked him what his next move was and he said he was just going to wait and see what she does. he also told me he posed this statement to his co-worker (my friend asked his girl to get a paternity test and she said she wouldn't do it) the female co-worker told him thats because the girl isn't sure. my dh then said--it could be another reason--the coworker said the ONLY reason a women wouldn't get a paternity test is because she isn't sure. my dh said he couldn't believe he didn't think that. he said, guess i couldn't see the forest for the trees. he genuinely seems to be in shock that the OW will not get a test because he asked her to. i think he's hurting now because he honestly thought that the OWC was 100% his now he has doubt, (remember he has been supporting the child emotionally and financially for almost 3 yrs). even if it did turn out to be his--he now knows he wasn't the only one. does anyone know anything about this paper he signed? even if its not his-will we be responsible to pay just because he signed the paper. Also, if she takes him to court wouldn't she still have to get a paternity test done? unsure of law

Please take it from my experience, insist on the test. Take her to court,force the issue.I didn't and the oc will be 2 years old this month.My H has paid ow probably triple the amount of support the coourt would order. If he takes her to court ,she would most likely move back to her home country and he wouldn't get to see the baby. She threatens him all of the time .Also she couldn't survive her finacialyy if H would lower her support.Do it legally.

<BR>The only signed papers with legal force is a formal acknowledgement of paternity. The reason she is refusing to take the test is because she isn't sure about paternity. Its *possible* that a court would still adjudicate your H the father, given that he provided support up to this point. But most states require a DNA test in cases where the mother and father are not married.<P>So if you H has been paying CS up to this point, there will not be any financial shock if a formal CS order is entered. Further, you already expect him to be adjudicated the father, as you'd assumed he was up to this point. Therefore, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain - if he's NOT the father you can slap her with a lawsuit for fraud, and if he is the father you can slap her with a joint custody suit (which you should win, IMO).<P>Time to call her bluff. Call her today and tell her the "child support" payments are now over. If she wants "child support," its going to be through the courts AFTER a DNA test establishes paternity.<P>Bystander

Lemon,<P>If it's an Acknowledgement of Paternity form H might still be legally responsible for OC even if it's not his. My cousin H had a son before they were married. His exGF accused him of being the father of her second child and he wasn't with her at all. He had heard rumors that his son wasn't his so he decided to take a DNA test. After 7 years of being a father to this little boy it wasn't his son. He broke down crying it hurt him so bad, he still considers the little boy his son. But he didn't want to pay her anymore CS he would buy his son whatever he needed. After all of that the State still made him pay CS. He got a lawyer and because he signed an acknowledgement form he still has to pay $10 a week into a college fund for the little boy. It was better than paying $100 a week. Find out if it's was an Acknowledgment form. And like Bystanders says call her bluff what's the worst that can happen. You can take her to court and get a court order to force DNA testing and there's nothing she can do to stop you. The worst that can happen is court ordered CS. Good luck!<P>Unsure

My H signed such a paper, after 2nd OC was born. OW legally changed hers and OC's last name to our last name. I did not know of the A until it was over for 4 years. When I did find out, H asked OW for dna testing. She refused. This puts many doubts in our head about H being the biological father. OW still collects cs. In our state, once a man admitts paternity, he pays.<P>I don't understand why OW would turn down this request. You would think she would want MM[my H], too know, yes, these are your children. But, how do I know how OW thinks, or her motivations.<P>ember

<BR>ember is right, some states make a man who signs an acknowledgement pay regardless of DNA. The upshot, of course, is that men should NEVER sign an acknowledgement without DNA evidence in hand. Under no circumstances should men EVER sign such documents - the only thing they do is require the man to start forking over the extorionary "child support," and the man has to go litigate to get access to the child. If he refuses, the courts take care of custody and "child support" in one pass. There is NO REASON for a man to EVER sign an acknowledgement. NONE.<P>Btw, ember, this is sorta sneaky I realize, but once you have unsupervised access to the child you can get DNA from her and run the test yourself. You need DNA from the OC and your husband, that's all. Have the OC chew some gum and then take it from her, telling her that you're going to throw it out and instead save it. Etc. There are ways to do this if you really want to know.<P>Bystander

Bystander, H and I have no disire for visitation. I still feel that anything to do with OC's very threatening to H's and my relationship. It might have had impact on our thoughts 5.5 years ago, but not now. At this point in time, who cares. It no longer matters in our marriage.<P>ember

There are reputible genetics laboratories with web sites. You can call and order a "collection kit." You swab the inside of OC's cheek with a Q-tip and then you swab the inside of H's (alleged father's) cheek and send them off with a payment of between $350 and $500 dollars.<P>The results come back in about 3 weeks from the time you sent them in.<P>They are not admissable in court because there is no chain of custody. In other words, no one made sure that the child is really the child in question and your husband didn't have to prove his identity, etc. So...you could do this test privately and then know for sure. If it comes back that your H is not the bio-father then you could insist on a more formal test being done. <P>What others have said is pretty much true. If you go too long without contesting paternity, you may be stuck with it for the rest of your life because you didn't try to deny it soon enough. The law varies state by state. You really need to consult an attorney. It is worth the money.<P>MJ

I agree with everyone here....insist on the test. Go to court! And I would think that the wife finding out would be putting him under deress. Get the test done. There is a doubt in her mind or she would do it. My ow was totally offended when my H told her he wanted one. Upset he didnt trust her! Give me a break! He told her that was the only way she was getting didly-squat...although he wasnt so nice about it.

Same w/our ow BrokenWings. She threatened not to show and H caved in to all her calls etc. and walked on eggshells until I called the lab to be sure she showed up!<P>Ow was offended too. Said H KNEW it was his.....<P>They almost all have the same "MO"<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

DNA question....I found out in June that my husband has a 3yr old son (possibly) from an affair that occured about 4 years ago. (Jerk) Anyways, we believe that it might not be his due to the dates and all. We are planning on doing a DNA test and ow has agreed. Rumor has it that my dh's brother could also be the father. Could a false positive happen if the brother is not tested as well? I am getting different info from different web-sites.<P>I'm new to this site and am trying to figure this posting thing out! Dh and I are also trying to work things out, but I can't believe the roller-coaster that I am on. How long does this last?!!

Hi <BR>I feel so bad for all the ladies here in your situation. I have asked a law professor specifically about this question since I have read about it on this site. Fear of the wife finding out is not considered duress. Duress is more like if the OW literally was holding a gun to your H's head and forced him to sign right then and there. See, it has to be an action that is unlawful and wrongful in order to be considered duress. It's not considered wrongful for the wife to find out something she has a right to know anyway. My situation is a little different. my baby's father is divorced from his wife, but while we were dating (without telling me) he decided to move back in with his exwife. He had his own apartment when we met and was 6 months into a legal separation with the intent to divorce. i found out after a couple of months of being with him that he has an oc that was born while he was married. Anyway, I've talked to my mom about this entire situation and she believes he had other motives for moving back in with his wife. Since my mother has learned the whole story, she really does not like him or trust him and she use to have such high respect for him because of the type police officer that he is. Since he has moved back in with his exwife, he has been to see me and calls me a LOT more than he did when he had his own apartment. he keeps talking about giving it until January to work out then he's moving back out. (He used to say March, then he changed it to February, now it's January) My mom thinks he just got tired of having to pay for his house that his exwife lived in (yeah, it's HIS house...he had it built and moved in BEFORE they were married and it's solely in his name) and rent for his apartment. She thinks he just wanted to save up money for a downpayment on a new house. At any rate, I wouldn't have a problem with giving him ,his exwife or his exow (or anybody else who asked for it) a DNA test because there is ZERO doubt that it's his baby. He knows that as well. I feel with every fiber of my being that any woman who refuses to give a DNA test is scared of what those tests might reveal.

Dear lemonpie,<BR>Hmmm... to be paying CS and supporting an OC for years when it might not even be your Hs kid is to add insult to injury--to ALL parties involved, esp. OC. Gosh...<P>I have to agree with Bystander, and add that maybe OW is not excited about traumatizing OC with the blood test. Although, from what I'm reading here, a blood test may not even be necessary.<P>The court would not even order CS for me without the blood test. It's only fair. I did not refuse the test and I wasn't 100% sure. I waited 5 years to file and yes, I was a slut... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Just get your proof before you jump to any conclusions. Try to stay calm. I wish all of you the best outcome for your families. & praying for OW to be more cooperative!

Dear Lemonpie,<BR>Please see my posts to Twiisty, dated 9/12/01. I am in a similar situation; OW first said she would and now she refuses to get the paternity test. This whole situation is so heartbreaking and it is really testing our love for each other.<P>I can understant a lot of what you must be feeling right now.