Well, we have now moved into the new house and my H has finally explained the computer to me as we are now with a new server...I hated learning AOL and was becoming quite comfortable with it and now we are using another...so back to sqare one!<BR>The house is gorgeous, and I'm still unpacking a week later. Even though I'm a stay at home mom, the days just fly by as two are in school and my 10 month old son cannot stay in the walker, as his height has made it unsafe for him...so I just go thru a box at a time.<BR>We are doing okay...have had a few bad days, but for the most part have been so busy getting furniture and settling in that we really haven't had much time for anything else. I'm still waiting for the therapist to call me so we can begin sessions, and it has been hard for me b/c I feel that I want to see her alone for a few visits as I need to sort alot of things out for myself. But I really need to start addressing them. Once I sort all the issues out, then I will start the couple therapy, as some things I want to address would discourage my H.<BR>One thing that we have been doing here is being active in the Retrouvaille community, and my H is very willing to participate. My only problem is that it seems that everytime I go it reminds me of the reason we are there in the first place and brings me back to square one. He asked me last week if he thinks it is helping and just burst into tears...afraid to say that I didn't think it was. But we continue to be a part of it and it seems to be better.<BR>He thinks we are doing better, but nowhere near healing. He says he sees me working on it but that we are not close to being on the road to recovery...<BR>Ever since we got into the house, I think about it a little less, and I'm having a hard time letting that go...I feel as long as I am bitter, hurt, and angry then he will remember how much he hurt me (not that I think he does forget, but just too be sure he doesn't...), but I don't want to throw it in his face all the time either. Talk about a rock and a hard place!<BR>Anyway, I digress...I am afraid that after all the unpacking is done, furniture is purchased, decorating is done, and the projects are completed....whats next...I guess my fear is did I make the right decision, did we do this too quickly and am I going to settle in and find out that I have just been dodging the real issues?<P>Well, I want to catch up on the boards tonite...just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm back and will probably be asking for your help!<BR>NGU

Congratulations on your new home.<P>Your kids all sound like they are very healthy, you don't have to work, new furniture to arrange, and most of all, an intact marriage after an affair AND OC!?!?! You are sooo blessed! <P>I realize you are still in so much pain and I do feel for you, yet there is also more good in your situation that I can see and perhaps it's just because I'm on the outside looking in.<P>It's just that before you can stand up on the outside, you have got to stand up on the inside and quit letting those negative thoughts beat you down. What if you just said NO! (out loud) when the discouraging thoughts come and ask God to help you consider His blessings--three healthy kids all developing normally, husband who is devoted to your healing, lovely home, able to be a SAHM, new furniture, another box unpacked! God is working things out and it sounds like everything is going to be okay for you!<P>I know you are hurting, and even so, you can still celebrate small victories and I bet if you do, you will start to see a light at the end of the tunnel!

NGU it will take time but you will overcome this. You can't stop your hurt by any set time. We are all horrified by the news we received about A AND oc! We must all deal w/our emotions in the best way we can.<P>You are doing greater than you think. You moved! Terrific! One step at a time.<P>After you're unpacked and furniture is ordered and everything is in place, you will have more time to devote to healing your wound. Your H will help you. He loves you and is probably so relieved you didn't leave.<P>Pray for God to heal your marriage. Each and every day look at the GIFTS HE'S allowed you...not the disappointments.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Motto I live by:<P>"I can't. God can. I will let Him."<P>He knows every bit of your pain and sorrow and it matters to Him.<P>I am pretty good at forgiving and forgetting on my own but this mess was far more than I could handle. I gave it over to God 20, 30 times a day ('course that meant I kept trying to take it back. It got to be like a tennis match! )<P>Have you had counselling on your own? You need some. You need a private place to grieve all the losses that come with a spouse's affair and a child born of that affair. That mass of feelings inside you needs to come out, but should come out in a way that doesn't threaten your marriage. Use us, a counselor, prayer and deliberate relaxation (meditation). <P>We will hold you in prayer.<P>MJ

Hi NGU,<P>Reading your post brings out all the pain...<BR>but I see that your H is willing and trying to make<BR>up for his mistake. I think its wonderful you are <BR>attending Retrouvaille...that means so much.<P>I hope you'll be able to get to that counseling<BR>by yourself soon. It is a great way to sort things out.<BR>You sound like you have a good plan.<P>Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and<BR>prayers. <BR>Love, fluke hope to catch you one of these nites

new to the board, don't really know your story. did you move because of the A? do you have contact with OC? do your children know? my dh and i are in therapy. i go once a week by myself and once a week with him. i find that i enjoy therapy by myself because i can express those things i am concerned about with my dh interruptions. congratulations on your new home and good luck at working out your marriage.