Right now, I am feeling very lucky,<P>There was a message on the machine from the adoption agency. They said she had the baby and they wanted the paperwork (just non-identifying parent info for the child if he gets curious) and the offered to let h see the child. We have not heard from the EXOW (thanks for the ex part mrs. job).<P>So, so far, the baby is adopted unless the exow changes her mind. I will look up the laws in our state for changing your mind. Hopefully it is a very small time limit.<P>Right now, I don't have to worry that she is carrying a child that could be from my h (he thinks she slept with many other). It is a good feeling that baby is out of her body. It now belongs to someone else and that makes me feel good. I don't want her to have anything of my h's. I want to have a baby the right way and with a man that wants one with me - which is what I will get with my h and nobody ever else will. <P>What a relief!! I am so thankful right now. Finally - an ow that does the right thing. I don't care about her reasons, but the final result is the right thing. <P>I hope the baby grows up to be wonderful and has been given to great parents that are so happy to have a baby. To them, the baby won't be a burden, a mistake or unwanted.

There is no such thing as an "unwanted adopted child." Praise God. This child will be the answer to some couple's years of prayers.<P>Did your husband have to sign "relinquishment" papers to consent to the adoption. It seems like he must have if the agency is contacting him and offering to let him see the child and asking for non-identifying information.<P>MJ<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited September 12, 2001).]

Samoyed,<P>I'm glad you and your H got what you both wanted. MJ is right when a couple adopts a child they normally love the baby like it's their birth child. <P><BR>Unsure

I work with a couple that adopted 2 children in one year from the same man and woman. They love these children, eagerly awaited them, went in to debt to pay all the fees and they are incredible parents. That is what I am hoping for the baby.<P>My h didn't have to sign anything. The man has no rights to the child if he is not married to the mother and she wants to give it up. He can file something to stop the adoption only if he can prove he is financially able, emotionally able and has insurance for the child. I think it is pretty hard for the father if he is not married to the mother. Everything is up to the mother in this state. I just read on a website that once the mother signs the paper, she can't change her mind. I sure hope that is true.<P>The paperwork - h didn't sign anything. They are going entirely by the info of the bio-mother. We are not sure h is the father, but he is the only one she would claim to be with. H feels she was with the occasional roommate and a few of her drug dealers. She was a drug dealer also and that was their tie (h is doing great with his addiction now - I am so proud and happy). They shacked up when I kicked h out for doing drugs, but he hid it with every fiber of his being. I found out after she had been sent to jail for dealing and he moved back home. I "knew" for months, but he did the "you're crazy" thing very well. <P>I feel like I got a get-out-of-jai-free card while serving time for a crime I didn't commit. I am so thankful for getting out even though I really shouldn't have even been there. It just makes me appreciate things more - knowing what can be taken away from you.<P>By the way, I read some websites that said the laws in my state are such that when a mother signs over the child, the decision is permanent. She can't change her mind.<P>

Samoyed,<P>Being a birthmother myself, I believe that the biggest time for the birthmother to change her mind is in the first 72 hours after the baby is born. After that is when things lean towards the perminant. I believe that there is a court hearing at about 6 months, but that is usually just to be sure the child is in a good home. I haven't ever heard of the birthmother going to that hearing and demanding her child back. I know that I chose to not even go to the hearing for our daughter, 13 years ago.<P>I am happy to hear that your xow is doing the right thing by this innocent child. I am also happy that your H is doing well in his recovery from his addiction.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Samoyed, I am glad that the adoption laws in your state are so clear and so pro-adoption. It is refreshing to hear that. <P>(I do have a friend who placed her child for adoption years ago and did suggest that there was a half-way measure that the baby go to private foster care for a month to allow the birth-mom to carefully consider her decision and to prevent adoptive parents from having their hearts ripped out if a child is returned to a birth parent.)<P>Tigger, you bring up a good point. Adoption and paternity laws vary from state to state. I do know however that those horrible cases that have made news of children being ripped from their parents and returned to a birth parent usually have to do with a birth-father who was not properly informed of the fact that he had a bio-child and had rights that would be terminated by the adoption of that child. It happens when a birth-mother lies to the courts and says that she doesn't know who the father of the child is. That way he is never told and never signs off or "relinquishes" his parental rights. That's what happened with "Baby Richard" and it is why we will not consider domestic adoption. In many states and in most adoption agencies, there is a strong reluctance to work with a birth-mother who won't identify the birth-father for fear that the birth-father will come back one day to reclaim his rights.<P>In California a birth mother has (or at least did the last time I checked 4 years ago) 6 months after the birth to change her mind.<P>Samoyed, I am glad that things are going your way. Hope that rebuilding your marriage goes equally as well. I never know whether or not to say congratulations to someone who is in recovery from an addiction. The couple of times I have I have been reminded that it isn't over just because the person has been substance-free for 2 weeks, months or years. However, I wish your husband a life-time of sobriety and for a wonderful marriage recovery for both of you.<P>MJ

Samoyed I am thrilled for you and hope things continue to be smoother for you in the future.<P>As far as the "you're crazy" thing...my H became an expert at it! I always will trust my gut from now on because he wasn't completely honest at the beginning of our recovery AND I KNEW IT!!!!<P>Bless you.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....