I just learned this morning the OW has agreed to take PT test on the grounds that they all go together. she told dh that the only reason she didn't show up because she thought i wanted the test but if he really wants it she will take it. she said if she had to be embarassed then she wanted him to be there with her to share in the embarrassment. my dh told me he agreed to them going together. needless to say i through a temper tantrum. i told him there was no way in H... i was going to let them go play family. i told him to call her back and tell her that the only way the 3 of them would go together would be if i go also. i am so angry with the dh because he is letting her dictate terms to him. i told him it is best that she knows in no uncertain terms that there little secret is out and there will be no more visits with the 3 of them. i told him EVERYTHING will include me. my dh is angry with me now so i don't know what's going to happen. i'm so angry right now i could hurt someone. what should i do==should i let them go alone.

Lemonpie,<P>You have a right to be there. I don't understand why H has a problem with that? He's asking for a second chance right? He needs to understand that you guys need to present an united front to exOW. I know from experience yelling and screaming will acomplish nothing. What you have to do is calm down and then explain to H why you feel the need to be there. Apologize for flipping out (If needed) and explain how you feel as if your talking to one of your kids slowly and calmly. So you don't explode. I filed for a D the day I found out about the affair and served him with papers three days later. Needless to say H was willing to agree to anything to keep our family together. And I didn't demand anything I asked him questions and if I didn't agree with his answers and he didn't want to compromise I calmly said O.K.let the D go through. I would never tell you to make ulimatiums with your H, when I was doing this I felt like I didn't love my H anymore and I truly didn't want to be with him. D day was a year ago it was a rough year. My H and I are back in love with each other and I'm glad I stayed. I made my H fall in love with me by making him realize how crazy and deranged exOW was. I did all of that by being mature and a lady. There were times when I wanted to flip out completely. And times where I vented with my family and close friends. But I rarely let H see me with my feathers ruffled. And it worked he put our relationship before OC. I'm not gloating about that my H loves our children, he also love OC but he wasn't going to let exOW sabotage our relationship. So he put me first and it made me fall in love with him again. Good luck I hope my advice and experience can help you. I'll keep you in my prayers.<P>Unsure

No Lemonpie, they shouldn't go together. It is not a requirement to take the test.<BR>Let me say ow in our situation played "hurt" that H didn't believe it was his. She wasn't going to go. H played into her just so she would go. It was hell week....right up to the day when she called for directions pretending not to know where the place was...and h explained how to get there! She could have called the place for directions not H!<P>Let me say H was still in a "mini-fog". Ready to commit to us but allowing her to still call some shots.<P>I became very understanding toward him then. We became closer and closer. Ow began to show herself a few weeks later and still to this day. It makes H sick.<P>I also went to file for divorce after 4 months of H really not changing....it shook him up as he felt I'd never leave.<BR>Like unsure...I had enough and just wanted peace. I never went through w/it. Didn't have to. H did an about face and to this day has remained committed to me.<P>I will pray for you.....<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....