thanks for all your prayers,<P>It wasn't until 11 pm but w and d finally made it home. D slept on her own bed and w and I slept in the same bed which has been months. W put d pillow in her room w/o me knowing then asked what our slleping arrangements should be. I suggest d in her room and us sleeping together, she agreed. A little awkward the first night but we didn't make a big deal of it.<P>w has been really bolemic since she's been gone but she is trying to get it under control. I think she being open and honest about that anyway. It appears that she really wants to give m a try, though she has voiced a lot of skeptasism. It was especially hard knowing now that om can call her, she knows she wants no contact/no friendship but if he calls its as if she has to talk to him and her emotions get all wacked out.<P>she has been trying to associate good things w/ being home and only bad about being w/ om, which she says has been helping.<P>thanks again all and God bless,<BR>I'll update soon,<BR>knight

Thanks for sharing. You sound like you're relieved to have your family together with you again. That's good. Also sounds good that W is making an effort to cut off mental ties to OM. Sending more hugs and prayers your way... Keep us posted! (Literally!)

knight_mare I'm so glad you are all safe and together. I warn you the ride will be filled w/emotion and w/God all things are possible.<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Thanks BTDT and Debi,<P>I know things are going to be up and down, if she would just follow my plan! I know that is not possible, w has to conquer 1 mountain at a time. I praise the Lord that she is showing me some affection, a hug or rubbing my arm kinda thing. I need to not be a typical guy right now, I know that I haven't been a typical guy for months. I know I need to be patient but at the same time I want to be recovered right now. w still has an arabic music tape, oh great, another trigger, I wish she would just through all the reminders of the a in the trash. We cannot take memories away from d though and it pains me for her to bring up om or going back down there to get a doll she forgot, "but I'll come home to you daddy"<P>Oh well, the dream world I once lived in has been popped and now I need to make the most of every given oppurtunity. Its almost as if we need new vision, new direction, new purpose, but when do we get to that point w/o a LB? Do I wait for w? Do I wait a week for w to get settled in? When do I suggest c? <P>We are planning a family trip to a hotel w/ a pool so that should be a fun break. w loved the rose I bought her, quality does matter w/ a rose. We held hands during a movie, though I could tell it was very uncomfortable for w.<P>Like you said Debi, with God all things are possible. I also like to think that God works ALL things to the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.<P>Thanks again for the prayers, for only God can change a persons heart. <P>You are all so great,<BR>knight

Hi Knight!! THat is such wonderful news! I am so glad to get on here after what seems like for ever and see a positive post like yours. Praise God for his blessings..<BR>Love<BR>bw

Hi knight,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by knight?mare:<BR><B>Its almost as if we need new vision, new direction, new purpose, but when do we get to that point w/o a LB? Do I wait for w? Do I wait a week for w to get settled in? When do I suggest c? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If it's too touchy to bring up joint counseling, could you go alone at first, you know, just to sift through them to find one that you truly feel comfortable with? There's nothing like getting ahold of the WRONG counselor!! You could avoid that by finding one you approve of first, you know, one who believes in marriage building!!! Just a suggestion. Of course, ask your wife if she is open to that idea before you just go and do it. (POJA)<P>Do you not want to bring up counseling because you feel it would be a lovebuster for your wife? What if you just asked her how she feels about some sort of counseling to help you guys get a new vision for the direction your marriage is going, just to help you avoid repeating past mistakes--on both your parts--to avoid doing whatever you both did to withdraw love units from the marriage?<P>I don't think you should wait for your wife before YOU decide on some goals and direction for your marriage and your life. What if you decided on some personal goals for yourself and then presented them to her while you guys are on a date, alone?<P>I don't see anything wrong with making some personal goals for your life, for your marriage, for your own personal growth in certain areas. <P>Maybe you could separate the goals out into categories: <BR>SPIRITUAL--read 3 chapters in my bible every day, <BR>pray for XX minutes every morning; <P>PHYSICAL--exercise for XX minutes on my ABS, <BR>jog for XX minutes every day; <P>WORK--finish project X by XX date, <BR>organize desk drawers; <P>HOUSEHOLD--plant some new grass, redo flowerbeds,<BR>unclutter all junk drawers in the house; <P>FINANCIAL--get a raise by XX date, <BR>pay off XX bill(s) by XX date(s); <P>MARITAL--Take my wife on a date every week, <BR>share MB principles on XX topic (if she's open--this could actually save you some $$ on counseling!); <P>PARENTAL--help daughter learn to XX by XX date, <BR>take daughter on dates every week... <P>Whatever you decide, knight, I once heard that if we don't plan to succeed, then we are planning to fail by default. So make a plan of your own and write it down! Go for it! No need to wait for anyone! God bless you!!!

Hi Knight,<P>Just wanted to add my sincere well wishes for your<BR>marriage! One day at a time...little by little...<BR>I hope you and your wife find that connection again.<P>Take care of yourself.

Thanks BTDT, <BR> Sounds like great advice I will try it. "If we aim at nothing we are sure to hit our target."<P>Thanks for your concern fluke I needed a little boost right now. W and I are soon to go on a date, all should go well.<P> w is now wearing her wedding ring again!!!!! Praise the Lord! Though things are going slower than I want, they are going, so for that I am thankful.<P>God bless you guys so much,<BR>knight

Just checking in to see your good news, knight! Thanks for sharing! <P>p.s.Please ignore those "male bashing" jokes that I posted in reply to ember. Obviously, they do not apply to you!!!

BTDT and others,<P>BTDT- I do not take male bashing jokes to heart, quite often they are funny because they are true, they even apply to me at times. <P>To all, our date on Sat went well, the only bad thing was when w ask what we would do if things didn't work out between us, she says that shes feeling very overwhelmed. We had a great Sun together as a family and there were no bolemic episodes. Mon on the other hand was a very depressing day for w, said she was very lonely and didn't know what to do w/ herself. Her parents were over last night and w was able to get a lot of fears off her chest and her parents really administered the love of God to her, I stayed quiet and let her just recieve it. W is going to see a doctor about anti-depressants I think they will help her a lot. She also has swollen throat glads, probably due to the fact of her throwing up so much. Will also go to doc for confirmation of pregnancy.<P>Tonight we go to church to a rebuilders meeting which most of you may not be aware of, but it is basically administering the Word to take back your life and break strongholds caused by our wrong thought patterns- its really good, I hope it helps w. She wants to go but is scared at the same time.<P>1 downer, her GF decided to go back to the church we attend, which she swore she would never go back to, so we are not sure which things she is telling people about w.<P>thanks and God bless,<BR>knight

Dear knight,<BR>There is so much good to your story that I wouldn't worry about any rumors that girlfriend could possibly start. Who cares anyway? My goodness, the devil couldn't break apart your marriage in the midst of circumstances such as these?!?! He is sooo defeated. Don't let a potential gossip or a rumor stop your progress!<P>Besides, people are going to talk about you whether you are doing good or bad. It's just a good thing that what they say about you doesn't make you who you are. I totally wouldn't worry about the girlfriend if I were you. It's funny, I could see the enemy using her presence at your church as a way of distracting you in your worship to God! Please don't let that happen!<P>Then again, if you feel that strongly about it, there are other churches you guys could attend if you must. Still, I wouldn't think twice about it. You have overcome SO much! Personally, I'm celebrating your victory this far.<P>re: male jokes, I know, there are some out there that rip me apart too. In fact, there was a funny joke that Billy Crystal told in America's Sweethearts that had my husband cracking up so bad in the theater that I had to nudge him and give him a dirty look! It was funny but not THAT funny! He said a guy was distraught and considering committing suicide over marital troubles so he talked to his rabbi about it. The rabbi said, "Listen. I spoke to your wife for THREE HOURS yesterday. Take the poison!"