Dear Heavenly's, <BR>My deepest sympathy to both of you. May thoughts and prayers of those who love you, help you through this most difficult time.<BR>Tina

Oh Heavenly I am so very sorry for <BR>your terrible loss. Please know that <BR>so many here are grieving along with you<BR>and your family. <BR>You are such a special soul. You brought me<BR>comfort at my lowest time when I first came here.<BR>You are in my thoughts and heartfelt prayers at<BR>this time of sorrow.<BR>Love, Donna

I forgot to mention it earlier but Heavenly, I always admired you. Your class, good taste, values and faith shine through even on the internet, and in the WAY you post (ignoring crashers, etc). The world needs more people like you Heavenly! PLEASE take good care of yourself. (long walks, long baths, prayer and fruit-bashing sessions are all good imo)<P>(PS broken-wings, I'm saving your quotes too! Thank you for posting them)

Heavnly, I am still quite new here, I lurk alot and kinda familiar with the different people who post here often. As I read your Husbands letter, it brought a tears to my eyes. I just had to say, to you my friend. God has a reason behind everything that happens in life. You have a purpose and you are special. Each and every one of us. Even though your children were here for only hours, they will be with you as your angels for your lifetime, believe that! Your husband loves you a lot, I felt that. Look to God he is there, he is there for you. Let him hold you and pick you up. I am going to pray for you and your husband. I will pray to strengthen your relationship and strengthen your heart. I am sorry for your loss and know that God is able! and so are you! Sonja

Dearest Heavenly,<BR>I am sitting here with tears in my eyes because I know how much you wanted those babies.<P>I don't know what to say and I wish I could come over and give you a big hug and share your sorrow if only for an afternoon. I will light a candle for the Heavenly family and one each for the blessed little souls that chose you for their mommy for their short time on earth.<P>May God keep you close to His heart. I am sending you love and prayers.<P>Lena

Dear friends,<P>For the first time I see what heavenly sees in all of you. I am so moved by your messages, your caring and advice. I plan to read your messages to heavenly in the morning. She seems to wake up in better spirits. <P>I am going to contact her doctor and share my worries with him to see if he would like to give her more medication. He gave her a very light dose of xanax but it does not seem to be working at all. I am sure that she thought she could handle it alone like some of you suggested. But, I fear this depression is too deep.<P>I have tried to let her talk it out but she doesn't say much. That is also not like her. When she miscarried in the past she would make up a box with the baby's name and put little things in it to keep. She has not done that. We had names ready for the babies but she has not really named them yet.<P>Thank you for the Bible passages. She has always loved reading the Bible and found great comfort in it. She has not gone to Church since losing the babies and that has worried me to. <P>I am giving her all the time she needs. This is truly the hardest thing that either of us has ever been through.<P>God bless all of you for being there for both of us. Even though I am a stranger to you, you offered me comfort too and I appreciate that so much. I am trying to be strong for heavenly, she needs me now.<P>I hope this message goes through. I tried to send another one and I lost it. <P>God bless all of you. You will never know how grateful I am.<BR>from Mr. Heavenly

Mr. Heavenly,<P>I hope you can stand another message from me. I'm sorry if it is in bad taste to play pop psychologist here, but from what you wrote it sounds like Heavenly is still in the "denial" stage of grief. If she doesn't talk about it, doesn't name them, if she doesn't start the boxes, doesn't keep the precious memories and momentos, burying the hopes and dreams, then she isn't admitting this terrible nightmare has happened, isn't grieving... and who could blame her? It hurts so much. But she has to start grieving before she can get better. Has she seen a pastor or counselor yet?<P>Obviously I too am a talker and after 15 years my H knows when I quit talking, I am at my WORST. <P>God be with you both. I know you are grieving too. It took years before my DH could talk with others about our lost babies.<P>Jenny

Ditto what Jenny said, Mr. Heavenly. As for the xanax...my son took it to quit crying during our crisis. He needed anti-depressants to help him along. He begged me to put him in the hospital as he was pitiful and hurting too much to bear it all. It took about 6 weeks but slowly my son returned. He also had counseling.<P>Heavenly....remember when I quit going to church?<P>You told me not to give up on God. That he would carry me through my crisis and knew what my sad heart felt. I listened to you wise woman.<P>Your comforting words helped me so very much. I would literally sign on to my computer every 15 min. to see your answeres some days!<P>I will pray for you Dear Heavenly. May the Lord scoop you up and begin to carry you through this agony and pain.<P>I will pray for the day I begin to hear from you again. Then I will be comforted knowing my friend has made it over yet the biggest hurdle on earth.<P>love and prayers,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Heavenly and husband,<P>I am so sorry for your terrible loss. Heavenly was such a comfort to me when we lost the two children we were trying to adopt. She and many of the women on this board recognized that the loss of an adoption (especially when the children had lived with you) was very much like the loss of any child--horribly, searingly painful.<P>Heavenly you helped pull me through one of the darkest times of my life. I wish that there were something I could do to help in return. I hate this feeling of being powerless to take away the pain that others suffer. I can't do it, but God can. I will pray for you and your family. Turn this over to Him. Let Him do what he does best, heal us.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Romans 8:26<P>In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dedicate your groans, your tears, your pain to our loving father and let Him do the rest. (Don't be afraid if you are angry. God can withstand our puny anger and He understands it. But remember, he didn't do this to you.) He doesn't cause the lost babies and the disrupted adoptions, the affairs and the pain. His will for us is always good. It doesn't however mean that He won't use this opportunity to refine us, make us more Christ-like. I am convinced that is the ultimate good that will come out of this terrible trials. When trials come, we can take two paths--we can become permanently angry and bitter or we can submit to the process and be refined and fit for eternity with the One who loves us beyond our ability to comprehend.<P>1 Peter 1:6,7<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.<P>These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may reult in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I wish you God's own shalom, His peace and wholeness,<BR>MJ (Donna)

Heavenly and Husband, <P>I haven't been to the MB forum for several days, but signed on today because I needed an update on everyone's situation. Reading the post about your devastating loss leaves me completing at a loss. I cannot begin to put into words how sad I am for you.<P>Heavenly, I have been here a long, long time, as you have. You have been a source of comfort and strength to every single one of us. Your words are always gentle, loving, and compassionate, and you always serve as a source of support for the many here who are enduring so much pain in our lives.<P>Now, added to your own pain as you struggle to rebuild your marriage, you must endure the pain of your loss. I don't know what this additional burden has been placed on your shoulders. I have always believed that things happen for reasons, even if we don't understand the reasons. I also try to believe that some eventual good comes from even the most tragic situation, even though I certainly can't imagine what that might be in your case. My faith tells me to trust God, even though I don't understand, which-- I must admit-- isn't always easy when I experience or observe such terrible heartache in such good people. <P>Please know you are in my heart and in my prayers. <P>love, anniem<P>

Hevenly...I do not know what to say, my prayers are with you at this time, and we are here for you in so many ways,right now in spirit and prayers, and later for you to lean on and talk...we will be here for you when you are ready. Please know that and let us help you. <P>Mr Heavenly...my advise to you is to hold her every chance you can. Eversince this craziness has entered my life(and as crazy as this may sound)the most secure times are when my H holds me tight, as if he is protecting me, as if he is trying to not let any more harm in. The power of touch is an amazing thing...<BR>NGU

Oh my Heavenly (and Mr. Heavenly) I sit at my keyboard numb. I know how badly Heavenly wanted those babies. I sat here reading all the posts from our board and thought I wish each of us could take a little piece of your family's pain right now to help lessen the burden.<P>I too believe that God allows bad things to happen for a reason. I believe that my husband's affair had a purpose. As painful as it was it taught me and my husband many many valuable lessons... and the bonus... it brought us closer to God. <P>Hold your wife, cry with your wife and pray with your wife. I know in my darkest hours sobbing in his arms while he prayed outloud for us seemed to heal my heart. He would pray and sign gospel songs. I would literally cry until I feel asleep.<P>Tell your dear wife that I miss her dearly and wish I could hug her too. She is truely a rock in my life and has been through this journey. I always knew she'd have a sound and wise response, even to my most off the wall posts. I looked forward to hearing her put it all together for me. I anticipate her return and will continue to pray for your family.<P>My very deepest sympathies,<BR>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hello everyone,<P>I told heavenly that I wrote to all of you and I read her what I wrote. I was a little afraid that she would get upset because I wrote something about the mother of my other child. To be honest, when I wrote that it upset me but I did not know how else to describe the person. I hate to call her my ex-girlfriend and she was certainly never my wife so sometimes I don't know how to refer to her. It didn't seem to make her angry. <P>I read every one of your messages. She cried but she would also smile especially at ones from those of you she seemed to know very well. She told me that she had to deal with this loss in her own way because she was afraid that if she didn't protect herself she would go crazy.<P>I cried with her and asked her to let me share her pain. I held her in my arms. She told me that she knew I was hurting too but she could not open herself up to feel all the pain because it was just too much for her.<P>I think I understand what she means. She seems to have shut down part of herself to protect herself from her own feelings. <P>Jenny asked if she had seen a counsellor or our pastor. She has not so far but I am going to look for a good counsellor. She used to belong to an infertility suppprt group so I will try to find a referral from them. I think it may be best if a professional person helps her to open up so that they can deal correctly with the feelings that come out.<P>I asked her to write to all of you and she promised that she might try this weekend. Your words and prayers meant an awful lot to her. That was clear.<P>I can't thank you enough for all you are doing.<P>God bless you all.<BR>from Mr. Heavenly

Mr. Heavenly, <P>That all sounds really normal and promising, under the sad circumstances. She or you might also check into local support groups for parents who have lost infants or children of any age, esp. if you're near a major city there will be something. It really helps to share with others who've been there or going through similar grief. <P>My heart goes out to you both.<BR>Prayers,<BR>Jenny

Dear Heavenlys,<BR> I am new here, but I just wanted to write you a few word and tell you both that I am praying for you. I wish that I could give your wife a hug and cry with her. We feel her pain wish we could do more. Just continue to love her more than you can humanly, God supplies. I need to remind myself that. <P>May God be so close to you both, I pray.

Heavenly and hubby,<P>I don't come here very often and I miss some the posts. So I didn't get a chance to write earlier. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for you. You have helped me and many others in the past. You are in my thoughts and prayers. We will all keep praying for you.<P>babstr.

Dearest Heavenly,<BR>I had not been to MB in months, I came on to see how everyone was and I read your post. Words cannot describe the pain you are going though, I know I recently lost my daughter, Born too soon. This was my 7th loss. I too lost a set of twins but that was 4 years ago. Sometimes it is so hard to understand the plan God has for you. He Blesses you with these babies, then feels the need to "bring them home" early. My Husband and I have 8 heavenly angels, and by the grace of God we have 3 earthly ones. When we return home we will have that huge family we dreamed of. I am now 42 y/o the chance of me having another child is not great. We are talking about adoption. We have a 12 & 9 and then our toddler, we want him to grow up close to a sib like the older two, but we DONT want to endure another loss. It has been a really rough year for me, learning about the A and the OC (which turned out to be NOT MY H's)then another loss of a child and a girl, I wanted a girl. Heavenly NO ONE FEEL THE PAIN like we do NO one, Not our husbands, not are friends, not our family...NO ONE!!!! we are mourning the loss of our children (not loss of a pregnancy)CHILDREN, and all the dreams we held for them, this is normal to be depressed, sad, and withdrawn. I would never come out of my room if it were not for the other kids I must care for. It hurts to ans their questions ( the 9y/o)she wanted her baby sister so she is hurting. And I am too old to even attempt it again. I understand your pain, take the time you need to "heal" if you cant see the light, please talk to your doctor, contact a organization call "resolve" there is a chapter everywhere..PLEASE, it saved me a few years ago. They have an amazing group of people who have lost children, or pregnancies. they are a group of people just trying to grow their families or start them...no matter what direction you chose to. It really helps because they have been there...did not mean to exclude you Mr Heavenly, I too just went through this, and I felt the need to speak to her directly. Be there for her, and look up resolve and go together, she (you) will meet with couples, and have a support network...Huggs to both of you, I will pray for you and your children, Love MyCross

Trying for the third time to send more hugs and prayers to the Heavenly family.<P>Best wishes,<BR>J

I do not normally post in this section of the forum, so your wife does not know me. But, something made me check here today.<P>Reading your post, I hurt so badly for you both. My second child, Lauren, died at birth years ago, and I know so well the terrible, terrible pain that I went through...the grief is pretty much beyond description to someone who has never been through it. <P>I will pray for you both. And if it would help your wife at all, I'd be happy to "talk" with her...either on-board (usually I hang out on the Emotional Needs board section) or via email (kam6318@yahoo.com). <P>A couple of things that helped me were a support group for parents who'd lost newborns; I wrote many letters to my daughter for a while...all the things I wanted to tell her and never got the chance. Keep talking and sharing your feelings with each other...that is so very important.<P>Again, I am so very, very sorry for your loss.<P>Kathi

Dear, dear Heavenly....<P>I haven't been here in weeks... and I searched first for those names I loved so much... and found yours.. with such news. I am in tears. My dear... please know that what you did in carrying those sweet babies was a gift. They didn't get to stay here long... but they are loved, and that is so much more than so many children ever know.<P>Dear... I remember when you first very reluctently announced your news. You were so happy, but almost ashamed to be so happy in light of so much pain that pregnancy has brought to us all. My darling Heavenly, I wished then that I could be you... so full of hope and love. But I know now that we are both filled with hope and love. It does not depend upon our ability to bring another life to this world. All that matters is who we are today and the live we have. Love your life, your husband and your family. You are so precious... please be ok. <P>Love... Carolyn