Calling all cars. Has anyone spotted a dear friend and commrade Gemini.<P>I think about her often and would love to tell her so. I'm sure many others would too.<P>Please post Gem and let us know you are OK.<P>Love,<BR>Z.

Hi Zebrababy,<BR>As the saying goes "this too will pass" things are going smoothly along here with the wedding plans and all. I'm so busy lately.<BR>Now with the Yankee's in the championship series we as a family watch a lot of baseball!<P>As far as myself, I'm having doubts. Some days I live too much in the past and look too far into the future. I pray, but not as before. Maybe because it's so close to d-day? I keep remembering last year and the Yankees games and how H was holding the big secret from me then. (at least he waited until the world series was over).<P>I read Ann Landers last night and all my feelings came rushing forward about oc.<BR>It was about having unprotected sex and what to do if a pregnancy occurs.<BR>It literally made me sick.....<P>I feel my H thinks that I am holding him back from visits. Not in his words, just how I feel.<P>Ow hasn't answered letter asking her H to adopt baby.<P>I recently sent my lawyer all the e-mails ow sent with a letter of agony on making her stop calling my H and telling him she will wait forever...how beautiful their son is....she'd have a dozen more for H...just everything is playing on my mind.<P>I'm considering leaving H.<BR>Surprised?<P>H has NO IDEA.<P>Too many irons in the fire and still no peace for me.<BR>Maybe if we ever go to court and settle things I'll feel different. Ow hasn't done anything in this matter except to insert herself whenever she pleases. Things have been eerily quiet since the first of this month. My mind says all kinds of thoughts on a daily basis that upset me.....<BR>I guess I'll have to reach deep into my soul and figure things out by myself....<P>Thanks for looking out for me.<P>love<BR>Debi

Gem,<P>I'm sorry to see that your down in spirit. I went through the same thing your going through. I repeatedly thought my H wanted to see OC even though he didn't say anything to me. Yesterday I woke up and said enough I'm sick of worry about H secretly wanting to see OC. He choose no contact not me I never told him he couldn't see his child. So I'm leaving it alone. If OC grows up harboring ill feelings towards my H that's his choice. I have done enough worry to last a life time. <P>I truly felt like leaving my H would make things better until I talked to my grandmother. Her wise words of wisdom told me even if H and I broke up, if exOW saw me she would still pull her antics and probably still do different things to try and piss me off. So I said screw her and the entire situation! I'm not forgetting the past but I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm taking it a day at a time and enjoying the new memories H and I are creating. Maybe he will face an angry young woman in the future but that's his choice and I know longer will feel guilty about it. I hope this helps. I'm leaving town this morning I won't be back until Mondy. Enjoy the rest of your week. And I hope you find peace.<P><BR>Unsure

Oh Gem,<P>I'm sooooo sorry to hear those demons of the past are still haunting you to this degree. I had hoped that since a couple of weeks went by you'd have been able to put things in perspective for yourself and end up on top of the world again.<P>You have had such a fighting spirit over the las couple of months and I just "knew" you'd fight your way out of this one.<P>I know sometimes it's exhausting having to pull yourself from the bottom. Lord knows I've fallen there many times.<P>I recently went back on Wellbutrin because I didn't like the way I felt when I hit a low time. I didn't like feeling like she was controling my emotions. That Wellbutrin helps all her c*r*a*p roll off my back.<P>As far as my feelings about my husband. I think my love for him has allowed me to not resent him anymore. Even when he allows OW to play her sympathy card with him. Sometimes he's so gullible.<P>I don't know what the dynamex are with you and H right now. You didn't allude to how he was reacting to you or treating you. Sounds to me though that he's "business as usual". Men can be such resilient creatures. or are they just so self absorbed they don't notice what goes on around them? <P> [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Stay strong sweetie. Let us know when you need a hug.<P>Z.