I don't post often but I read the posts here everyday. This board has provided me with a wealth of comfort. Thank you!<P>It's been three months since I found out about H's 2+ year affair and OC. We've gone to counseling about 5 times now. At the beginning of the month on our way home from a counseling appointment I was finally able to let out some of my anger. I said things (not very nice...and with words I don't generally use) that I had been thinking for weeks! Ever since that night I feel like a great weight has been lifted.<P>H is trying so very hard at being a doting husband again. We both have actually been working very hard on our marriage and things between us have been wonderful.<P>H goes to visit his children (2 from before we were married and the OC) every other weekend. A couple of weeks ago I asked him to not visit in her apartment anymore. I asked him to just pick up the girls and spend his day away from OW. He agreed and this is only the second time he's gone up to see them under these conditions.<P>My question is this. I feel like so much of my anger is gone. I don't feel like crying all the time. (I still do, but not often). I don't feel like this is consuming all of my thoughts (eventhough I think about it daily!). Is this too soon to feel like this? I am confused by how soon I have begun to feel better. Don't get me wrong there are still alot of issues to work through. Are there after shocks?<P>I'd appreciate any advice from those who have been there.<P>Thanks,<BR>Why

Why,<P>I just wanted to say congratulations on your "letting it all out". I remember many times feeling so good after saying something that had been on my mind for a long while.<P>As for the calm before the storm. I wouldn't necessarily call it an upcoming storm. But I would refer to it as peaks and valleys. <P>There are things that I, and many others on this board, experience called triggers. Things that set your mind and heart racing. They can be as blatant as a song on the radio, or as subtle as a look on your husband's face. The good news is, the triggers become fewer and less affective as time goes on. Some people have even learned to let the triggers roll right off their backs without missing a beat. I think it has a lot to do with the frame of mind you are in when the trigger hits.<P>I don't mean to generalize about these affecting everyone. If there is someone out there that is lucky enough to not have experienced a trigger during recovery... please raise your hand. <P>I, for one have, albeit, not often anymore.<P>Best thing to do when the trigger hits... concentrate and focus on what's good about your marriage now. Keep yourself in the here and now and don't let your mind wander to how it felt in the past. Don't let yourself dig up all the hurt and pain, because all you'll do is wallow in it.<P>I personally think about the wonderful relationship my husband and I have now. How we are learning to love one another all over again. I memorize little phrases he's said to me that make my heart melt and chant them over and over in my head when I feel like I'm slipping into sadness. Most times it works.<P>Then.... when that doesn't work.... I come here and vent or get online and look for my chat buddies to pull me out of my pit.<P>Good luck and congratulations on a great start on the recovery road.<P>Z.<P>p.s. you said your H goes and get his girls. Does he come home to you with them. Are you involved in visitation with OC? Just curious, because for me seeing the OC is a trigger sometimes.

Zebrababy,<P>If never occured to me that there might be things that would trigger (of course they happen but I guess I just wasn't paying attention)my emotions.<P>To answer your question H travels about an hour away to see his children. No they do not come here. Since there is now an OC if I have my way they won't. I don't want ds to know about her until he is MUCH OLDER (adult?)and I can't ask them not to talk about her. They haven't been here in almost three years so it's not like I'm asking them to stop something they have been doing all along.<P>Thanks for taking the time to respond.<P>Take care,<BR>Why

Dear Why,<P>just want to add my agreement with everything Z said. If you would like to chat and get out some more emotions let us know. Quite a few of us are on aol and sometimes it works even better to get out aggressions!<P>Love<BR>bw