My W had a one night stand that resulted in her getting pregnant (its been 6 months from D-day). We immediately starting counseling and we together agreed to tell the OM that the baby was not his(I have decided to raise this child). My W is sorry and remorseful and would and does do everything she can to try to make our marriage better. We have learned alot about what the conditions were before the A and how the A happened. But it seems so hard to accept the past and focus on the future. My W and I are both military and were stationed apart for 16 months. We visited each other about one weekend a month during this time. When we finally were stationed together, we lost our emotional connection. We never talked about those feelings during that time which turned out to be a big mistake. I left again for one month on training and that was when my W had the A. She swears she did not plan the A and said she was lonely and enjoyed the OM's company while I was gone. They had lunch, went to a baseball batting cage, saw a movie, etc and one thing led to another. She said she was immediately remorseful and felt guilty about her actions. When she found out she was pregnant she said she was devastated. <P>So, knowing all this and knowing that she put herself in a vulnerable situation, and temptation got the best of her, why do I have such a hard time accepting this as a mistake and a big lesson learned for both of us. I should be focused on the future right? I should be happy that she does not have any thoughts of leaving me and be happy that she tells me everyday how much she loves me and asks me can she do anything to help me? I should be feeling good. I am kinda of rambling and I know alot of you have already heard this story, but I needed to ramble. Any thoughts?? Thanks.

What a horrible situation to be in. I really feel for your pain. Your message indicates that down deep you are not sure if you will be able to overcome this pain and concentrate <BR>on your future. I know that most men would probably would have walked away from the marriage.<BR>I think that you should think very very hard whether it is such a good idea to take paternity for this child. If your marriage fails in the next few years you will be financially responsible for the OM's child until the child is 18 years old. The OM walks away without obligation for what he has done.<BR>I guess what I am saying is that you better be very sure that you plan to be in this marriage for the next 18 years or you will be paying a lot of money to raise the OM's child. I wish you luck and am very sorry for your situation.

Bryanp,<BR>FYI. My W and I have decided to leave me off the birth certificate and allow me to set up legal precautions to prevent me from having CS obligations in the event the marriage does not work out.

I am all about working a marriage out esp when both parties want to. You are 6 months in and just bc you have made the decision doesnt mean that all your hurt and pain goes away. IT stays. For a while. Not that is will always be there, but dont expect too much of yourself. I am almost 3 years after d-day and I feel really good about myself and my marriage. This is a very slow very tedious process. But it is a process that will work.<P>I must respectfully disagree with Bryan. I think you would be decieving yourself if you were totally sure about what you were doing and everything was all of a sudden hunky dory. Of course a lot of people think we are crazy for sticking by our spouses and doing what we are doing. But we know what is right for us and this is what we choose to do. It is ok to have doubts and suspicions. It is perfectly normal. Probably the only norm in this, our, situation.<P>Keep fighting the good fight Hutch. It will pay off. Turn it over to the Lord. You will be fine. And so will your wife, as will your beautiful baby.<P>Love and Prayers<BR>bw

Hutch,<BR> I feel your pain and a lot of us do. Just look up and ask for help everyday. Somedays the load is lighter and other days, I really wonder if God is there ( i know he is though). Your pain is real and it is hard to let it go just because our spouses have repented and want us NOW. My H came back and said the "sorrys" and "I love yous", and no matter how much I tried to stay focused on God and how my H is home now and is willing to work on the marriage and is sorry, I had a hard time, too, even though my H was doing everything right. I ended up leaving him, but it doesn't make it easier, in fact it makes it harder. I told my H that I have only one request and that is he move to CA, my hometown, so that it would ease my pain. He refuses. That is the point at which he stops doing everything right and I see his unwillingness to sacrifice his wants for my sorrow. <P>I don't have much advice but if I could encourage you to just hold on. Your heart is still beating because God wants it to, he wants to bless you, i believe that. Sometimes I wonder why I have to continue to live with such pain. Sometimes I think death would be an easy solution, but that's not the anwswer, I know deep down. There is no quick fix, if there was I would be the first in line. <P>One last thing is this... God would never ask you to leave your wife. Just like i should not have left my H, but I was weak and I left out of a hardened and hurt heart. I am embarrassed and humiliated when I have to be around so many people that know. So I left. And it isn't easy being away from the man that is "one" with me in God's eyes. But for my H, i don't think he loves me really as much as your w loves you and would do anything for you because of the violence she inflicted on this marriage.<P>I pray for God's blessings and patience for you right now.