I decided to go to the OM's office. I have been thinking about this since the day I punched him in the face about 4 months ago. It has been about 6 months from D-day and things I going pretty well. I wanted the OM to hear from me the thoughts I had about the whole thing. I knew that this was not going to make everything normal but I wanted to get this off my chest. I told him that my W and I are paying for this mistake and that he will never know what pain this caused. I told him that I did not wish this pain on anyone including him. He agreed that he could not imagine what I have been through. The OM's body language was very submissive and his tone of voice was apologetic. He said he has thought about what happened and said he has learned alot from it. He and I, as well as my W are in the military and he knows I could press adultery charges against him. But these charges would go against my W also. I decided that the marriage did not need the additional stress of military legal action. I wanted to get back at him but did not want to hurt my W in the process. I told him that my W and working on the marriage and have learned alot from this mistake. I told him my W was and is not happy for what she did and that he invaded our lifes during a tough time in our marriage. He said he had always thought and still does that I am a "heck of a guy" He said this after I said I forgive my W a little each day. Before I went to talk to him I thought about what I would say but when I went to his office I forgot everything. I was more nervous than I thought I would be.<p>I guess I wanted him to hear what this one night stand between him and my W had caused. He still does not know the baby is his and he never will. I am happy for what I did. I guess, to me, this was one more thing to put behind me and one more thing to help me heal.

Hutch,<p>AGH! I had this whole long reply typed out and somehow lost it. I like this new forum but there are still some bugs to be worked out.<p>I dont even remember what all I said and now I am frustrated. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Oh well, Ill try again....<p>I am so glad to hear you are on your way down the road to recovery. Sometimes it seems to make a difference when op shows true remorse. Ow emailed me not to long ago and apologized. It took me by surprise, but even more surprising was how I felt about it. There seemed to be so much anger and bitterness lifted off my shoulders. She has turned her life to God and He has made such a difference in her life. She is now married to a christian man who has enough of God's grace to want to adopt both of her "fatherless" children. They have been blessed as have we.<p>My H and ow were both in the military also. I pondered for some time getting back at her by ruining her any way I could. But, as you said, that would mean taking my H down with her. Granted I wanted him to pay at the time, but that is exactly what hed have been doing. For sure they would have docked his pay. I figured my daughter and I had suffered enough already without losing more money. So I did not. Now I am glad that I left it alone. Ironically, her H is now overseas and she is super-paranoid....karma and all. lol It is a little funny, but I told her she shouldnt worry too much bc her H looks to God and mine did not. Somehow I am making her feel better. Stange huh.<p>Well, I am so happy to hear that you behaved yourself so well...... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love and Prayers
bw

Hutch,
I'm happy for you and for behaving like a gentleman. There are many ugly things I've wanted to say and do to XOW over time, but I try to never act on anything I might regret, not do anything that would put myself in a negative light. Stating the facts and the pain is good. Adultery is a kind of "soul-murder" (admit I stole that idea from Oprah). It hurts everyone involved.<p>I pray for your continued recovery and marriage. Yeah for anything that helps!<p>J,
part of another military couple