As I sit here at this computer, my wife is sitting in a hospital bed, nursing the [censored] child result of an affair she had 4 months ago.<p>everyone is so happy, her best friend is in town for support, her sister grabbed a flight from outwest to be here and her parents have already move some of my things out into the garage to make room for the new baby.<p>I feel like I just watched the Titanic slip under the surface of the ocean for the last time. I went to check on her in the hospital to make sure she was alright and there they were mother and son basking in each others glow.<p>I have no one to talk to or support me. my life is truely over. I can not accept this child she will not adopt and now there is absolutely no hope for any type of rescue of our marriage. I can't stand it. I just want to crawl in a hole and pull it in on me. This night has driven home the reality of the total destruction of my life, expectations, plans, hopes, dreams, everything. <p>I could not feel anymore dispair had I been handed a death sentence. At this point, that would be welcome. I can't stand this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>I am sorry to be so me me me. i just have nobody to talk to and I am to hourse to scream at God anymore. my prayers are for anyand all of you that are cursed with being a similar, to mine, situation. God be with you.

InaNightmare,
Please be calm! Your wife had a baby and is swarming w/emotions. The only thing that should matter is you and she...not family who came to her rescue. where were you at the birth? With her?<p>Please do not be angry w/new son. He can and could grow to LOVE you as his father!!!!! Does W want that?<p>
Please do not despair!!!!<p>
I hear you.<p>I know the feelings you have of complete insanity!!!<p>Pray and let God carry you through this.<p>There will be hopefor you and W.<p>
Any other kids?<p>OM involved?<p>
OM married?<p>
Wife still want you?<p>
Let us know.<p>I pray for a little peace for you tonight<p>love
Debi

Dear Nightmare,<p>I am so sorry to hear of all your pain. It is so evident and abundent and so raw, it brings tears to my eyes remembering. You are not as alone as you think you are. We are all here for you. Please do not despair. If you want to work this marriage out there is still hope. Did you get to talk to your wife at all today? I am sure she is not looking at this child and thinking of om. She is looking lovingly at this baby bc it is a baby. She gave birth. That is all there is to it. It is the baby, not om. How have you felt prior to this traumatic day? You have us to lean on and you have God, not to scream at, but to cry to. He does here your cries, but he will not make the baby go away. He will only work on your pain. Trust on Him. He is faithful. The pain is so fresh tonight, but as Scarlett said "Tomorrow is another day". And Annie "The sun will come out tomorrow". There are all these focusing on tomorrow. Maybe that is where you could focus on right now, since today is so very painful. Also, if the pain is so deep you are afraid of yourself or of it, please do not hesitate to go to a dr and try to get some temporary relief (meds). You are in my prayers right now, as is your wife and the rest of the family to think of you and go easy on you. To show you the love you need and deserve...
Love and Prayers
bw<p>[ October 26, 2001: Message edited by: broken_wings ]</p>

Praying for you. Praying that the Lord will touch you in a mighty way tonight. Praying that the Lord will hold you close. <p>In His Grace,
twiisty

Nightmare,<p>Having been in your W's shoes, I know that the last person I was thinking of while nursing Abbi is XOM. Yes, I was so very happy and in love with her when she was born, but for it being a child, not how she was created. I am not trying to talk you into loving this child. That is something you need to decide on your own. I am sorry that you are having a hard time with your situation. If I remember right, this is the first child for both you and your W. That can just make it that much harder for you to be accepting in this situation.<p>Not to pry, but what exactly can you not accept about this child? Again, I am not trying to talk you into anything, just trying to get to the depth of your feelings at this time. Is it that she had a boy? Or that it is the first child, and that from the OM?<p>How long before now was your D-day? <p>I wish that I had more to offer you. You need to do what is right for you and the marriage. If that means that there is no way to accept what has happened, and you feel that you can't get past it, then maybe you do need to look into ending the marriage. But, don't make that decision right now. You need to be certain before you take such a step. I agree with the others, to seek help, professional help, to help you with these decisions.<p>Tigger

Inanightmare,
I feel the same way you do, that there is no hope. Seems like all the dreams, expectations, future, have been ripped right from your very heart. I just know, though, that God loves you.
I rarely FEEL his love anymore, but I have to remind myself that we don't live by feelings, we live by faith. I am afraid of tomorrow and of next week and especially afraid of 6 months from now. I don't have many words to offer, just know that we are praying for you, God is hearing us right now, he hears you right now (you don't even have to speak) and right now, he is supplying you with strength, the strength to get through this night. Thank God. <p>Julia

I guess the one small light in all of this is that you reached out to us. We feel your pain, from a woman's perspective, but believe us, we feel it.
I hear so much despair and pain in your post, please know that you have a purpose in all of this and even though it isn't obvious right now, there is a reason for all of this.
God hears you and knows you are mad, and He is with you. He is holding you in his arms and trying to take your pain. Try to give Him whatever you can. Just to take the edge off.
It will get better...it will just take some time.
Are you in counseling? I know for men, this can be difficult, do whatever you can to heal this pain so you may serve your purpose.
YOU WERE MEANT TO BE ON THIS EARTH! THERE IS A PLAN.
I will pray for you and please post again so we know you are ok. I wish there was more we could do, but I will give it to God. He will see you through if you let Him.

Nightmare, I was just wondering how you were doing? You have not posted again. Hope you are doing as good as you can in this time of pain for you. There are many questions that the others have posted to you and if we knew a little more background maybe we could help and give you some support and advice. I understand how you are feeling, and how new and raw this pain is. My marriage is in recovery for 3 years and I have learned to accept the oc. It has been a long road and there are still ups and downs. Post back to us and give us a little more background and let us help you. Peace, gabi1116

nightmare:
I, too, am in the same boat. My H got the OW pregnant and the baby has been born. OW didn't call him when the baby was born, he found out next day. He asked me to go to hospital w/him, I did & sat in the waiting room for 3 hours while he visited w/OW & OC. Needless to say, my heart was broken in a million little pieces all over again during that time. We're still not doing very well. I love my H very much and wish, too, that a black hole would swallow me up. I feel as if each day to survive is a big chore. I want the entire nightmare to go away and leave me alone. My marriage was fine (or so I thought) before OW came into the picture. Why'd they have to do this to me???? I was willing, at least tried to be, to accept OC and welcome it into our home. However, OW won't allow the child around me, she doesn't like me (too bad). But H won't stand up for his rights or OUR marriage and let OW know that he will have OC anytime he wants too because that's his rights. We can't afford to go to court for the big battle we'll have, so H just lets OW run his life & ultimately OUR life together, because H plays by her rules - sometimes I hate H so bad..I don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve this kind of pain, I definitely don't want it anymore. I wish he would feel some of pain like I know you're going through. He says he loves me and wants our marriage - why didn't he before? When will he put ME first and save our marriage before letting OW destroy more. OW is keeping OC away from him, not ME!! But yet I get treated like crap and told to shut up, he doesn't want to talk about it. He's afraid to upset/piss off OW because then she won't let him see the child - he's so naive! But when will my feelings be considered???? I've recently moved out because I can't stand the "niceness" he gives to her & having to deal with him & OW working together - it drives me crazy. I'm tired of thinking about it all the time. Tired of the headaches, tired of my heart hurting. Tired of all the "visions" I have of the two of 'em together....<p>Anyway, sorry to babble. Just know that you're not alone and I certainly do feel your pain!! Please take care of yourself and feel free to post anytime, I'll be here to "chat" if you wish. God Bless You!!