I sure would like some imput on this one [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I've been reading many of the stories on these boards and Harley's books. Since then, I've had thoughts of not getting the DNA test, since I'm the only one who wants it. I don't want to be the one responsible for the fall out of a positive result, for one thing.<p>Dh does seem truly remorseful. I think that he is not totally walking the walk, but was impressed with him tonight. It's my b-day on Sunday and I told him that I'd like to go out dancing. He said, "Oh yeah, that's one of your top priorities." Not really the right words, but I knew what he meant. We filled out the questionnaires on-line here. He doesn't like dancing. Anyways, I do see improvements.<p>On the other hand, he told me the end of August (I'm assuming that D-day was June 19th, but I don't really know what the D stands for!) that he would have the DNA test done. I've been the one researching it, talking to the xow, and basically pushing him. He always says that he's going to do something and rarely does it. It's all in his time. Even with something as simple as the garbage. <p>Bystander made me think about this a little deeper. Really, if I know that the date she gave me is 3 weeks off, then the baby most likely is not his. Dr's don't let a woman go over 3 weeks! She also slept with 3 men in that time frame. Why should we fork out almost $600 to find out that it's not his or his brother's? On the otherhand, I hate to start to rebuild NOT knowing either way and then someday it all ends up back on our doorstep. I want all the pain NOW, not when I've worked so hard to get over it and am at peace and then I get to start all over again! THAT'S IT!!! I finally figured out why I *really* want that test. <p>I know that if this child were my dh's, he doesn't want any contact. The ow doesn't want anything from him (as far as I know) and has never asked for any money or anything. I know that she asked him if he wanted to see the child about a year ago. He said no. She told me that she couldn't believe that he didn't even sneak over and see the boy or anything. HELLLLLOOOOO!!! Well, heck, what kind of man did she think she was dealing with for-crying-out-loud?!! An honorable one?! Shows how dumb she is! LOL!!!!!<p>Anyways, I would really appreciate a reply from some wise soul out there [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Sorry I don't seem to be contributing much to these boards except looking for support and ideas. I don't feel like I'm far enough along to be the supportive one!

Tinlizzy,<p>Im not the wisest soul here but I definately have an opinion....take this as a blessing!<p>If she isnt searching your H out then let sleeping dogs lie, literally. If you push this test then what happens even if she doesnt file for cs, what happens if she ends up on welfare one day? Then the state will come after yall for cs plus back arrears and they are absolutely outrageous!<p>I know you are afraid of it one day coming back to haunt you, I think all of us has that fear about one specific ow\oc issue or another, but try to look at it logically instead of emotionally. What are you going to gain if you push the test? List the pros and cons here. I think you might find there are more cons than pros.<p>Let us know what you come up with.....<p>And dont worry about just being here for help...there will be plenty of time to offer others support when you are feeling better and more confident about your own situation.<p>Love and Prayers
bw

Hi tinlizzy,
D-day means your discovery (of the affair) day... I don't see how come you would have to pay any money at all. Pay nothing until OW changes her mind about child support (CS)--that is, if she does, and then if/when she makes a request for CS, then let the court handle the paternity test. It shouldn't have to cost you extra $$.<p>Probably no contact is the best thing for your marriage anyways. I know everyone doesn't agree and I respect everyone's decision to choose, but things can and do turn out okay for OCs with no contact from their bio dads... Take my oldest, for example...

Tinlizzy,
I am right there with you. The OW had OC two weeks ago and she has done nothing yet. I want my husband to take the test to see if it his but he wants to wait to see if she does anything. I am afraid that someday it will all come back at me when she decides to file for cs. I don't know how she can survive on her salary without getting some help. I beleive it is his child but he has is doubts. He he has not talk to her in seven months. He tried to talk to her but she hang up the phone on him. He still does not know if he wants contact or not. So I sit and wait to see what hapens.

Thank you for replying.<p>As I read about ow being stalkers and the like (hi twiisty!), I almost feel grateful that the ow/oc is not in our life, just our Wal-Mart! LOL! (thought I'd try to inject some humor here!) Since D-Day, I never thought that I'd be feeling lucky in regards to this situation. It reminds me of my sister who was into drugs and my dad sent her to a boot-camp kind of thing. She came back and was doing the drinking, but not other drugs. Dad was relieved that she was only drinking alot. Hmmmmmm.....It seems to me that we've lowered our standards. <p>I will do that pro and con list, although, I can't think of any real good reason to have that test except that I want to know that the oc is NOT his! I want her to look like the stupid one for telling everyone that for so long! <p>Dawn, so what do you guys think you're going to do? I feel like if we don't get the test done, it's a door that is left open and needs to be closed. I don't like the uncertainty.<p>We plan on moving, or at least my WS has agreed to move to another state, we'll see if he follows thru with it!<p>BW and BTDT, I will think about what you said and keep you updated. Thanks for being here.....

tinlizzy <p>I agree wtih you. I feel that there is a door left open and uncertainty. My husband does not know what he wants to do yet.

I'm bumping to see if anyone would share their opinion....thanks

tinlizzy,
I was wondering what you decided? I think the best thing for us is to wait because of the money situation. It is so hard not knowing what the OW is going to do. I feel like that she has a hold on us. I keeping thinking that once I start to get over this that is when she will seek child support. Here is my e-mail address if you want to e-mail
dawn7016@wi.rr.com

Dawn and Tin,<p>I was just thinking about you both being in this same boat on the rocky seas, and you may want to post a topic to Bystander. He knows a lot about the laws, and where to look into these things. He may be able to give you some advice as to if it would be better to push the issue of paternity now, or to wait till OW gets it into the courts. I was thinking about the arrears and stuff, and I am not sure if they will charge you with them from the date of the test, or the date of birth. That would be the biggest thing I would worry about. If it didn't matter when the test was done, and you would be charged no matter what, I would get the test done now, and start to prepare for that aspect of it. I know that many people have gotten great advice from Bystander.<p>Tigger