Hello everyone i hope as the day's past things are looking brighter for all. Please bear with me because I'm shaking as i write type this message.Well you see I 30 yrs old with four kids.I have been with my H for 14 years I thought as did everyone else that we made a great couple. Well that thought was shattered the day before thanksgiving 2001. I dropped my H to work and on the way back home I got a call on my cell from this woman, I thought it was a friend of ours calling for him because she was talking to me like I was suppose to know her. Then she said that he should be returning her messages because he has a child out there! Well i almost crashed, i could not believe what I was hearing, I screamed WHAT! who the hell are you and why are you calling my cell? she told me she was my H"s childs mother! I felt like i was dreaming. this could not be happening, I seen my whole life just flush down the drain. Oh but hold on to your seat because it get's better! this child is 2 yrs old!Well I almost **** myself. There was no signs, or so i thought untill I really look back. he always called me ,he was home most of the time, very affectionate towards me and we did everything as a family together, at gatherings you rarely saw one of us without the other. so You ready for the big wammy/ this has been going on for 6 yrs! I feel so stupid, actually i think I have felt so many enotions lately i'm totally confused. Stupid, hurt, betrayed,mad, revengeful,sad, drained physically and mentally. when i confronted him he told me everything (6 yrs later)I was fuming, I wanted him gone. I screamed till my throat was sore. I cryed till my eyes burned, I'did not want to hear nothing from this man, i felt he was the devil himself, he pleaded with me not to let this break us up, that we will get through this , just holding me telling me how sorry he was for hurting me and that the loved me and the kids so mech. But I didn't want to hear it. He said she meant nothing to him and called her saying he never want's to hear from her again. All I could say at the end of the whole thing was "your good" he had everyone fooled that he was such a nice guy but my problem now is not how do i go but how do I stay? I can't see any hope for a bright future with this man, He Betrayed me and for me that is HUGE he is convinced that we will make it through this and he is putting out every effort to sooth my pain, but he caused it. He mad a fool out of me I feel so stupid that no one we know knows about this, I'm to embarrassed to tell anyone, that's why I'm posting it one the net. The sad part about this is that I feel like he should go so I can get on with my life and not waste yrs trying to fix this, but it's hard to let him go because I love him and it's even harder because I truely believe that he loves me to. But you see I can't trust him even though he is very open about it when ever I choose to bring up the affair he answers all my questions but without trust what do we really have?<p>[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: sosirrail ]</p>

Hi Sosirrail,<p>I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. You did come to the right place you'll get a lot of support from a group of caring people. I wanted to tell you, your not stupid only a woman who trusted her H. We all did none of us knew what was going on. Whatever choice you make do it for yourself. If you truly love your H and you want to give him a second choice it's your descion. You both need to go to counseling. Marrriage and probably indiviual. Then and only then will you be able to decide what to do. I feel your pain and anger I've been there it's a long battle. Your exOW calling you makes it seems like H has already dumped her thats why she decided to call you. Once a child is brought into the affair reality hits all WS's and they start being afraid of losing their W's. I'm rushing so I can't give anymoer advice now I hope this helps. I'll keep you in my prayers.<p>Unsure

Sosirrail,
That is common when something like this happens that we feel stupid, but guess what you arent. You are sane and yes reality has threw you a curve you that you cant see straight. I am sitting crying with you b/c I know the hurt, the pain, it feels like all your bones inside are breaking. I wish I could help you. Please be prayerful, very. That will help you through. YOUR children need you now and you need you now. Try hard to put your energy towards them, b/c they will be taking care of you. Another thing is that you are not alone which I am sure you feel that way. I have found great peace here. I dont respond much but I read alot, and even after 4 years this has helped me get through some rough days. "And this too shall pass". If you ever need to talk feel free to email me at mrswinburn@aol.com anytime. Take care! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Sossirail,

I, too, have screamed until my throat hurt and my eyes bloodshot and all puffy. Sometimes when no one is home, I scream in hopes that I can scream all the pain away and maybe break my vocal cords, i don't know, sounds lame, but I can relate. <p> I don't think it was a mistake that you found out about this affair. Your husband has probably ended the relationship with this woman for good and that is the reason she called you, to tell you and make your life a living hell. For whatever reasons God allowed this in OUR lives, he will make a way to endure it, survive it and even be blessed in it. I believe this to be true, but i know i have doubts. I don't have children with my h, but if i did, I would probably make the effort to reconcile the marriage. <p> It sounds like your h is remorseful and does love you. I don't know the answers, but i do know that your marriage is worth saving, every marriage is. Pray for your marriage, for your h, for yourself, your children. Lay all of your griefs in the Lord's hands, He promises to give you peace and even better, He will answer you and whatever the answer is, HE knows what is best for you. I hope that you can have peace tonight. <p> We are here to encourage you and help you get through this together. We all can relate so come here to vent or share what is going on so we can continue to encourage you and pray for you.<p> Hugs and Prayers,
Julia