My husband has never been a companion to me and told me today that he didn't marry me for companionship. Can someone tell me why he married me then? He is a drug addict and alcoholic and I have read that addicts withdraw themselves from the people they love. Is this why he has never wanted companionship. He says it isn't me. Please help. Thanks!

It has nothing to do with you. You cannot trust what he says in regards to why he married you until the addiction lifts. It is all the addiction talking until that point.

I suggest you start reading up on alanon and other support groups for families. Then, I suggest you do the same thing that you would do for an affair. After you read the Basic Concepts out here and have a chance to respond back to me, we can talk about those.

What, if anything, do you want out of your marriage at this time?

The question is not why he married you but why did you marry a drug addict? That is what you need to run to counseling for. What were you thinking here marrying such a man?

I have know some of the sweetest young ladies who have turned into evil criminals because of drugs. I went to school with a guy who graduated top ten percent of the class and had everything he could possible want from his parents. He got with the wrong crowd who did drugs and he is now serving time in prison on a serious felony offense. I had some friend die in a car accident because they mixed xanax and tequila. Drugs will destroy your mind, body, feelings and relationships. If you know anyone doing drugs the wrong way, pass this information to them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Prov31woman:
<strong> My husband has never been a companion to me and told me today that he didn't marry me for companionship. Can someone tell me why he married me then? He is a drug addict and alcoholic and I have read that addicts withdraw themselves from the people they love. Is this why he has never wanted companionship. He says it isn't me. Please help. Thanks! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

[QUOTE]Originally posted by newly-dead:
[QB] dear Prov31woman: I didn't actually get to say anything in my reply so here it goes: I may not've been married very long but being a recovered drug addict myself and still struggling with alcoholic, I can tell you that you're husband by distancing youi is protecting his habit. He probably perceives you as a direct threat to something he needs. I imagine that you disapprove of his extracurricular activities with drugs and alcohol? Disapproval may be appropriate but one needs to take caution when a loved one is under the control of substance because it pervades deeply into the mind so that although he loves you, if he can't satisfy that urge inside of him, he'll withdraw to obtain the breathing room he needs to do what he does. The only way for him to be a suitable companion is for him to remove the things that are preventing him from connecting to you. Drugs and alcohol are becoming more important than you! You can't force him to do what it is that he needs to do because he will resent you for it later even if he 'decides' to stop. I know much about what your husband is feeling& thinking so feel free to ask me what you'd ask him but are afraid. I've done the same thing to my wife in the past. Maybe I can help you.
[qb]