<p>[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</p>

Tina<p>I would probably venture to say that ow or someone (heh) is filling this poor child's head with stuff. And then ow is playing dumb. I doubt this child would be coming off with this fear of you on her own. Maybe ow hasnt told the child stuff about you, maybe ow is just inconsiderate enough to make sure this child is not around if she talks trash on you. Who knows. But, I would bet this child didnt make you into a monster on her own.<p>I wouldnt cut down on visits and I would not leave so H and oc can be alone. You are now in a step-parent type of situation and you and H are a package deal. Oc needs to get to know you and she will learn you are not to be afraid of. The more she is around you the more she will learn that you are no monster. A child therapist might be a good idea. There is no telling what she has been told.<p>Good luck and God speed.<p>Love<p>bw

BW,
Thanks for reply. I am also beginning to wonder exactly what is being said to oc. Of course OW is telling H that she is doing everything possible to talk to oc about how much fun it is to come to our house.... and how nice tina is But is she also saying to her "why are you afraid of tina, has she done anything mean to you?" Is she putting subconscious ideas into her head? I am sure OW is just plain jealous, we send oc home with fun new toys, and crafts we have made, it is a toddlers paradise at our house, all new things for a three year old to play with and two very attentive "parents" to play with her.
I just hope that the counselor doesn't suggest going back to one on one visits, that child needs to see that we are a couple,(like it or not OW) and I hate to think that if a 3 year old is going to have the power to manipulate visits now, the future visits will be terrible.
Tina

Tina,
I agree with broken wings. If the child was doing fine before, a 3yo (I also have one) does not invent this stuff on her own... someone GAVE her the fear. You might be right that XOW is afraid OC will like your house more than hers, or it could be a grandma, relative or friend of XOW "helping" her out. People are twisted! I hope a shrink can sort it out. You are RIGHT to keep yourself and H a unit on this--both of you for visitation or nothing. ..."Let no one put asunder."<p>Good luck!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Tina71:
<strong>I was wondering how many of you that are not involved in visitation live in the same town with the OW and OC? Should we back off and not have so many visits (one per week is what is scheduled now) Should I let H get to know oc alone(I don't like that idea, but sure OW would) We are at a loss.
Tina</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Hey Tina,
I have experience with this situation, well, it is possible for OW or someone else to fill the OC head with crazy stuff to make OC hate you and associate her visits with you guys-fear. It was done here recently. She tells her that I am bad person, she tells her not to call me mommy, she tells her that her daddy is a loser, she tells her that we dont love her, she tells her that I cant comb her hair, she tells her lots of things. Now do you want to know how I know? OC tells me. When OC gets close to me and hugs me she tells me she loves me and then she goes to tell me the whole story of what "mommie" said about me. It is sad, but I feel bad for her b/c she is caught in a bad situation and didnt ask to be here so I just console her and make her feel loved as much as I can. Sometimes, I would want to give up and not see her and yes in the beginning she would cry and cry and cry but we didnt give up. But it is still hard, very hard. I hope it gets better for you and if she is OW scorned she is always going to try to make it hard. Do what is best for you and your family!
Unicorn