Well here goes..<p>I am married to the most beautiful woman. She is an incredible mother, a great friend, and when the mood arises, a wonderful lover. We have 4 great kids and a relationship that many would envy. . If they only knew.<p>Some 5 years ago, an attractive young (married) female employee began to show a great deal of interest in me. I was flattered and although resisted my carnal urges (or was it scared of what I was getting into) for about 8 months, finally it happened.<p>Since this time the OW became my best friend and lover and I often contemplated giving up the treasures I had at home in pursuit of the life I thought could be achieved given the needs the ow was meeting. <p>After going through an incredibly tough time over recent months, the relationship with the OW became strained and I guess started to die the natural death spoken of in the readings. <p>I began to see a familiar pattern in the actions of the OW and it occurred to me that she was probably getting into another relationship. I accused knowing it would probably mean the end of my relationship with the OW and would give me the chance to work on what I now realise is everything.<p>I am however suffering many hurts. The feeling of guilt, the anger of betraying and the pain of betrayal, let alone the loss of a great friend. I know I must count the blessings I have at home but it isnt easy. I now know what matters and the readings have helped me.<p>I guess I really wish the love could die and the friendship continue with the OW. I havent called her for 3 days now, not that she was taking my calls after my accusation. . damn it is hard.<p>[ November 05, 2001: Message edited by: ausinfidel ]</p>

ausinfidel,<p>First, let me say that if you want to save you marriage, you CANNOT continue even a friendship with your OW! <p>Second, the OW has NOT betrayed something in which vows were never spoken to you.<p>Third, you should probably post to a different board here. I am not trying to shoo you off. It's just that this board is for those marriages in which a child has resulted from an A.<p>If you truly want your marriage to work, this is a great place for information, and help! Check out the other boards on this forum, maybe at General Questions. You will definately receive a lot of advice here.

ausinfidel-<p>Wow that was a mouthful..If you're married to the most beautiful wife/mother/lover, lose the ow..what about your kids? There has to be a problem if you're sleeping w/another woman, maybe you should reopen the lines of communication with your wife..save your marriage..does this ow know you're married? Hope you make the right decision.

oops wrong topic.. see I am messed up! general q's ii

Dear ausinfidel,
I think it is a great idea for you to post out here and READ and SEE the devastation affairs cause especially when there is a child involved. I think anyone who posts on this site should take a look out here and see the lives that are devastated as a result of affairs, you know, how affairs affect our children... Don't leave until you have read EVERYTHING MB has to offer!<p>...Another thing, why not count the blessings that you have instead of focusing on withdrawal from OW. That's disgusting! Imagine if your most beautiful wife, incredible mother and wonderful lover could read YOUR mind...

I have not shied away from MB just the topic. Much discussion in GQ's II and boy have i copped a caning.

Well, don't deny that you had not been forewarned! I am a former (& REPENTANT) OW so I got it too. I know how you feel. Keep posting. Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep protecting yourself from all your weaknesses. See you out there my friend... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Ausinfidel,
I must second Tigger's post. My H also had the A with co-worker. Like you they became best friends, and each others main support system. This A also led to 2 OC. Now that A is over, believe me there can no longer be a friendship between the two if our marriage is to survive. The advice from our counselor was if H and OW were to continue working together, that they must learn the difference between being "friends" and being "friendly". No more lunches, no more sitting around chatting, no more using each other as a sounding board for daily problems. I did have a meeting with OW and explained what the counselor said, and she really didn't understand why she should give up H as her friend, she had given up her PA. The one positive thing that has come out of the ending of A is now H comes home to me and we talk, before he did all his talking, at work, and didn't need me to bounce off his ideas, frustrations,hopes and dreams. It is a very difficult process. I only wish the OW in our case was moving on with life as your seems to be. Let her go.
Tina

Thanks Tina and Bintheredunthat,<p>I guess Bin that we better not see eachother out there. (kidding folks)<p>I will be trying hard but still it hurts folks.

DUH! I meant "see you out there" on GQII!!!! POSTING ON THE MARRIAGEBUILDERS FORUMS!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] LOL!<p>I hang out everywhere on these boards. All interesting and great information on how to affair-proof your marriage!<p>Seriously, ausinfidel, I think if you stopped obssessing about your pain for one minute, you can start focusing on rebuilding your marriage. Have you read the articles Dr.Harley has written on how to rekindle romantic love and how to make deposits in your wife's love bank and how couples should spend 15 hours of quality time together each week without the kids?

You really should refocus yourself and quit it with the pity party already! You will get no sympathy and zero tolerance for the pain of withdrawal from your OW around here, that's for sure!<p>Radical Honesty, Policy of Joint Agreement, Rule of Protection, Emotional Needs questionnaire--THAT's where your focus needs to be right now... GET BUSY!!!

This will be hard for many to believe but when it comes to the Love Bank, my wifes bank manager adores her almost as much as i do. <p>I have made more deposits than many would believe. Goodness do you think I only tell you that she is the most beautiful, caring etc etc...<p>She feels adored and wanted every day of her life and as she should I say.<p>look at the posts in GQs and you will see some interesting stuff and some burning flames for my honesty.