I was wondering if anyone has heard of relinquishing paternal rights? I wanted to investigate this...My h has been paying support and my h, myself and ow do not want him to be a part of this child's life. Is it true that if something happened to ow, my h would probably attain custody? I think it would be strange for that to happen since we did not raise her and she doesn't know us? I don't know, I was just thinking about this just out of the blue..Am I wrong? I am just doing that what if trip again...that's all. Thanks!

They would problably go into foster care, or OW's family would raise them if the courts agree. Your H would not have to be forced with custody of OC. Check with your county and state custody laws. Legal counsel could advise you. Let me know what you find to be fact in your area. Good luck. <p>ember

I, as do lots of single parents, have a will that specifically addresses this issue. If she's not so fond of your H I would well imagine that she's taken special care that he has no chance of gaining custody in the event of her unfortunate demise.<p>This would vary from state to state of course, but your husband cannot be forced to care for a child that he doesn't want. Heck, he can't even be forced to care for the children that he fathered with you.<p>[ November 09, 2001: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</p>

Good point, Katie!

Okay, I was just wondering, that is true, if my h had to be forced to care for our kids, he wouldn't be in our lives..
..my h showed up for an appt about support at the child supp office, i didn't go..but he said the ow didn't show up and when the child supp office called to ask why she didn't come, she said she doesn't have vacation time? H E L L O-- So, it was granted that my h pay a fixed amount no matter how much he makes now...too bad for her cause she could have gotten much more..I guess I get so worked up when I see the money being taken out his check. But, hey you play you pay, right, I honestly don't want oc to suffer. I pity oc and hope the mother will find someone that will love the child as his own one day. I don't care how she raises the child, but I care how it affects my kids and my family..thank you for your responses.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

confused-cious:says,
If I were you'd consider myself lucky. I have seen bitter OW and BS alike go WAY out to their way to beat men up in court. <p>If she's willing to sit quietly by and doesn't want to be bothered with you guys, then that's a HUGE blessing!

Hmm..I don't consider myself lucky? My h had an affair from which a child was produced. The ow knew about me and didn't care, and even told my h that I was stupid for not divorcing him...If she didn't know about me, I wouldn't feel such resentment toward her..and it hurts because sometimes I do feel stupid, that's why I chose to keep this a secret from my friends and family.

confused-cious:says<p>You're probably gonna wanna spit on me for this but once upon a time I was the OW who knew about the W and didn't care. [just to give you a bit of background]<p>You're right not to feel lucky in this situation. There is no question.<p>At the end of the day though, you're working to keep your family together. While I disagree with some of the things that you say, I respect your commitment to family. And there is value in that.<p>Your children and husband are all lucky to have you.<p>Be blessed.

Dear Katie,<p>I don't want to spit on you [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I didn't mean to categorize all ow. Yes, at the end of the day, I come home to my nice house and cute kids and my h cooking dinner, since he gets home before I do..I think the decent ones (like me and you..) try our best to handle the situation with dignity..and might I add, your son is very lucky to have you in his life..God Bless you.

confused-cious:says <p>You know, it's been an interesting ride for me to lurk/post here. For the longest time I tried to see things from the POV of the BS and I just didn't get it. Then again I was lurking over on i.com [the land of 10,000 Betty Brodericks]. So I saw all BS as a bunch of loons.<p>Like I said I disagree with or don't understand much of what is posted here. But it's nice to have the opportunity to see things from the other side of the fence.<p>I have a successful career and plan to retire in the spring [i'm 31]. For the majority of my life I made it my business to have whatever I wanted, when ever I wanted it. That included having a MM at one point. There is no question that I loved him, but always knew that if he ever left his W i'd dump him. I had no use for him as a SG.<p>It's been a truely profound experience for me to stop for a moment and consider the world beyond my selfish wants/needs/desires.<p>Historically I saw women who fought for their marriage and husbands as suckers. I could NEVER see the point. To me it made bad business since. [and I am NOTHING if not a savvy businesswoman] I have been deeply and personally effected by what i've seen here and by the terror attacks in NY and DC. It's caused me to stop and take stock. I am quitting my job, leaving NY and buying a house in the country.<p>I am becoming EXACTLY what I once despised and disrespected. A family dedicated, stay-at-home-mom. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>All of that to say I have much respect for what you ahve been though and thank you for sharing on this with me.

Katie,<p>Thank you for taking the time to post here. We need to hear of ladies like you. It really helps to know not all x other women are not all like Cinderella&#8217;s ugly stepsisters.
Its kind of neat every time you have posted something, I have wanted to ask a question and next thing I know you have already answered it without even asking.
That&#8217;s pretty cool to be able to retire so young. I hope you have a wonderful new life. I think you'll find it isn&#8217;t too shabby.
Almost forgot you know most of us here thought the same way you did as far as wife&#8217;s fighting for their marriages in such a situation, it kind of changes things when your wearing them darn shoes.
With love, flowerseed
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Katie,<p>I have the best of both worlds, the house, the kids & the career..and it hurt my ego to know that another woman was able to get to my husband. The decision to stay with him was not because I couldn't fend for myself (on the contrary I make more than my h)...but because I felt he was truly sorry and that he really loved me, not because I had no choice..plus, I do love him...
Nevertheless; this situation has brought us closer and I know we are now unbreakable..
This forum has been quite a learning experience for me as well. Forgive and forget is my battle now.. I thank you for sharing your story...