It's really good to see you!<p>OB1

Dear OB1,<p>I was going to lurk awhile longer, but when I turned on my computer I could not ignore the SHOUT that I saw from you [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ! I hope you are well and that Jonas is thriving and giving you a great deal of happiness. I also hope that your BF worked through his problems and is ready to be the partner you were hoping one day he would be.<p>The irony of life ... my "return to MB" post was a congratulatory one to an announcement that one of our members is pregnant with twins. I urged her to enjoy every moment of those babies, starting from right now. I know I did and it is the memories that I made during that time that have helped to bring me back to life.<p>But I am barely living, OB1. Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. Every day is full of tears. Everyone is suffering around me butI feel like I can't help any of them because I can't even help myself.<p>There is much that I would like to say. But I can't say it now.<p>My H read the post to me that he wrote to all of you and the replies and expressions of condolence that I received. I re-read that post all the time. There is so much caring and love in that post from so many of you -- my faceless friends who have kept be floating when sometimes I swear I would sink.<p>I intend to answer that post very soon. I am still building my strength and I will need strength to say the things that I want to say.<p>Thanks for shouting out to me. Love to all my old friends. I'm down, I'm almost out, but I'm trying my best to get up again.<p>love and blessings to you all,
heavenly

YEEEEEAH!!!!!!<p>Heavenly, I've prayed for you. I'm so glad you've posted to us!! I know you are hurting badly. I'm so sorry for you. Thank God you're hanging onto life.<p>Grief can take a long time and I don't want you to think this little story means I'm trying to take grief from you (I'm not!).<p>When I had my last miscarriage (2000), I lost blood rapidly (but not hemorraging), got low blood pressure, and passed out repeatedly. My husband called an ambulence and honestly he thought I was dying because I also lost bowel control. While lying on the hospital bed later, about to be discharged, that's all I could think was to thank God for the opportunity to just be with my husband and two kids for another day, that I wanted to take time to just enjoy each other, not only for all that we have, but for all that we've lost (including the OC and our 4 lost babies). <p>We the living must live life to the fullest, in honor of those who cannot. If I hadn't lived, I would want that for my loved ones, and I think they want that for us.<p>Amen.

Take your time, Heavenly. I've said it before and I'll say it again....the members of this board look to each other as family, and family sticks together. We support each other. When you are ready, we'll be here.<p>OB1

Dearest Jenny,<p>Your posts meant so much to me because I know you know exactly how I feel. Hearing the stories of others gives us hope. I think of all that you and your H have endured and believe that I can make it through.<p>I am trying to do now exactly what you did -- focus on my two children and my H (you are right he does think the sun rises and sets on my postpartum behind!!). Sometimes I manage to do that, but sometimes the grief just seems to pull me under and I am back in despair and depression.<p>Just sitting here, writing my thoughts is actually helping me to focus on positive things. So, I guess it is good for me to be back at the computer. <p>I completely put my faith in God. And I appreciate from the bottom of my heart the prayers that you have sent for my recovery. Keep praying for me, please. I know that is part of the reason that I am here today.<p>We've both been through some pretty brutal moments in our life. You have survived and kept your loving and giving heart intact. I hope to follow your example.<p>I was truly afraid to come back here. But like OB1 said, we are a family. I have missed you all in many ways and it is already feeling like home.<p>love,
heavenly

Oh Heavenly you are a sight for sore eyes!!!<p>I have wondered about you. I have prayed for you. I am so happy to see you posted this Sunday(sunny here !)<p>Stick around for a while, we need you as much as you need us.<p>Prayers to you !<p>Geeze Jenny, you are amazing with the way you see the right side of the coin in almost all situations. I must say you're the level headed one around here. I like to read your input on everything here.<p>God bless us all.<p>love
Debi

Heavenly,<p>I too am very happy to see you posting again! I have been praying for you, and am glad to see that you have come back to us. I will continue the prayers.<p>Love,<p>Tigger

Heavenly, I, as all your other old friends here, am soooo glad to see your latest posts. I have thought about you often and you have been in my prayers. Take care of yourself and know that you have been missed and thought of here. You were always a great source support and encourgement to me. Again you are in my thoughts and prayers. Peace, Gabi1116

Heavenly,
I just read your other post and I am AMAZED at your ability to reach out and congradulate another woman pregnant with twins after your own terrible heartwrenching loss, without one reference to your loss! God bless you Heavenly! I am stunned by your Grace. My prayers continue to be with you and surely He's got something great in mind for you, as you are Quality. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] No wonder your hubby loves you so! <p>Heavenly, how is your support system? Do people encourage you and let you talk, or are the babies and pregnancy a topic people around you avoid as if it will "go away"...
My neighbors and many others acted that way when my daughter died at birth. They MADE UP stories for their children to explain her away without ever finding out the facts. Eventually some children came up to me, and while one older girl broke the ice by expressing her condolences, the others asked their "real" questions. People don't understand that WE will Always remember our babies!! Of course we want to talk about them.<p>Gem, thank you for the kind compliment! <p>Unfortunately I have to run.<p>Prayers for all, but especially Heavenly. You know it takes time. Be gentle with yourself!
{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Jenny