Cleo,

Do I know what you mean regarding the what ifs!!!

We have been dating for 2 1/2yrs. G-friend is extremely attractive and the type I would be attracted to physically, intellectually we or should I say I am losing touch. Seems as if the connectedness is not there. I am beginning to wonder if the OW was a sypmton, or truly if I need to be with someone else besides my g-friend.

Couples counsellor tonight suggested that we stop trying to please each other so much, we are getting frustrated. Bascially the counselor said we need to except each other for who we are, or move on.

As of right now the prognosis of us staying together is slim, I hate to be negative and everybody tries so hard here on this board to make things work, I give them credit. The fact is that I am not married, thank goodness in this situation.

I'll have to see how things settle overnight and we can converse more tomorrow, look forward to your insgihts!

BeeWee

Hello BeeWee.........Well I think your counselor maybe right in that you can't force things to be right between you and your girlfriend.......Fortunately you aren't married now so this is a good time for you to decide what you are looking for in a partner, what qualities are important to you.....etc......I'm not saying that the OW is the right one for you but maybe she made you think about what you do want.......Ask your girlfriend, if you haven't already, what she is looking for in a partner.......
cleogirl

PS........don't let the withdrawl symptoms cloud your perspective............
Cleogirl

CleoGirl and Le,

MERRY X-MAS

Thank you for your support and advice, much apprecaited.

BeeWee

Hello BeeWee, hope you had a nice Christmas......
Just wondering how things are going for you?.....
New Years is around the corner........good time to look at your life and start fresh.......whatever that may be........Drop a line and let us know how you are........
Cleogirl......

Hello Cleo,
Long time since I have been to the site. Well, things will be coming to an end for my g-friend and I. Counselor brought up issues that may not be resolvable. Counselor says we were working to hard and that relationships should not be that much work, granted all realtionships have some work involved.

G-firend is looking for a place, hopefully she will find one by the 15th. As for now I am staying at my parents who live close by so that she/we can have space, so hard to stay in the same house when we now things are ending.

As for the o-woman, we'll call her Lady M, we have resumed talking. She is aware of the situation and I have to think that I would have never got in this situation if I were truly satisfied with my g-friend, never done it before.

So I do not neccessarily view it as "just an affair." I'll probably get roasted by some on this board, but not many people are discussing this "particular" scenario besides you and I.
While everything is new and fantasy stage, there just seems to be a better connection, only time will tell. I'd like to be able to email you outside the board, but do not really know how that is capable wiht posting my email address for all.

Anyhow, that's the status of BeeWee!

so nice to hear from you......I'm sorry to hear that things did not work out for you and your girlfriend........better to know that now though then down the road.........Don't feel bad about your feelings or feel you have to justify your feelings for the other women.........I have very strong feelings still for the OM........Not sure if they will ever subside..........My husband has been so there for me.......and I feel so guilty not being there for him like I should be.......
Sometimes I wonder if he would be better off without me.........ok I'll stop the pitty party.......lol
I feel that I do need someone to chat with........helps me........looking in some wrong places though..........
If you would like to chat.........my e-mail address.....is yyobe@aol........hope you have made the right choice for you........Ihope that I too will make a right choice......
ciao
cleogirl........

Hi Cleo,
Thank you for the kind words. Boy this is really difficult, the tremedous amount of guilt and fear I have leaving my g-friend of 3 years. The o-woman complicates the picture, not on her part, but rather on mine. She is a great person and we connect, just hard for me to open up wihtout feeling guilt as I go through the seperation of leaving my g-friend.

The thing I keep telling myself is to take it slow and let things evolve. When I look at the big picture, I relaize things would most likely not work out in the long run for my g-friend and I. This is what I am going with!

I'll email you soon and thanks for your support!

BeeWee

Hello BeeWee.........Well it sounds like you made the right choice for you.......better now than down the road.........It must be painful however......to leave a relationship of 3 years........how is she about the split?????As for the OW......give that some time too........she may not be the one for you either........take your time.......follow your heart.........chat at me anytime.....
Ciao
Cleogirl..........

Question for you. What kind of affection, attention, etc.. could you have received at home that would have made you wake up and realize that you want the woman you live with more than anyone and hence the affair would have never happened? I am asking because my husband is recently putting great distance between us and although I am pretty confident that there is no other woman right now, I think he is looking for one. He is looking for someone to fulfill his heart and obviously I want it to be me. He is gone days at a time working, so our time together is very limited. I know, everyone out there is saying he already has a lover, maybe he does, but one thing we have been is very honest to each other and he knows I am ready to hear there's another woman, trust me he has said things that have hurt me just as bad as if he had an affair. Anyways, I asked him what I could do emotionally to fulfill him and he told me I had to figure that out myself. I live by this website and read it everyday, and I have printed it out and read it at night in bed and I am trying so hard, my H says I am trying too hard.

I am watching my steps very carefully and I know if you "push" them, ie.. if I push for sex, it could work against me. Right now I am just trying to act normal while making inner changes hoping he'll notice.

Hello M,
My situation was not one of marriage, we were dating for 3 years and this is coming to end. I feel bad about the whole situation, but realized that possibly things may never change.

I left my relationship due to compatability and lifestyle issues and choose to leave before marriage and children. By meeting someone else, I realized that things were not right at my house, I am not the type to stray. My feelings of incompleteness were there several months back, before anyone else came on the scene. I can honestly say that if I were married, I would not ahve strayed as a marriage commitment is much more than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

I suggest you ask your husband what you can do to make things better and you yourself ask a few things of him. Ask him why he thinks you are trying to hard, you are trying to save a 15 year marriage for goodness sakes.

Have you suggested or looked into couples counseling?

BeeWee