For those of you not paying child support for a child born of your husband's affair please see a lawyer and be sure you are protected.
Even though the OW says she does not want child support, if she ever has to turn to the state for assistance the state she lives in could sock it to you.
Our OW accepted a lesser amount, then lost her job, the state of NC stepped in because the OW had to go on welfare. They added another $170 to our child support.
So just because she says she does not want it,
once she turns to the state all bets are off. Also what happens if she changes her mind later, she can come after you for back support.
If nothing else, maybe have a document drawn up stating she will not accept CS, so if state has to step in they won't go for back payments.
I don't this as a fact, but it is better to take steps now to protect yourselves and your family finances than get screwed later. You have already suffered enough. Just check with a lawyer and be sure all bases are covered.
All dealings with OW/OC situation should be discussed with a lawyer, this is about finances not emotions. A judge will look at the law and want to see proof that she did want CS.<p>
Just my thoughts,
TG<p>[ November 11, 2001: Message edited by: Texasgirl ]</p>

A good thought Texasgirl. A true thought also. We asked lawyer about it. Since H has been asking ow atty to do the "right" thing (AHEM!)since the beginning and she hadn't our lawyer said we have all the paper work to prove it should she all of a sudden come after cs.<p>She has! We are negotiating. She wants cs retroactive. We said no. Can start from Nov. 1.<p>Haven't heard back.<p>You left a good message today.<p>love
Debi

Does the devastation of an affair ever end???? I think not!!!!! Best wishes to you. This is good advice and in no way could you have foreseen. But God knew this. And I believe He has already made provision for all of you... I believe that God will help you meet that payment to the point where you won't even feel it in your family's budget. I truly believe this. I prayed this for MMs family and he got promotion after promotion until he made VP! I kid you not!!! And the amount was never increased although I had several opportunities to increase it. We got by without increasing and bugging MMs family unduly... <p>God has a way of increasing us when we do His will, mainly, keeping a right heart attitude about our circumstances, you know? I believe... So start expecting an increase in your finances! God said He would meet all our needs in abundance!<p>I think it is an opportunity for you to hate OW deeper and let the past dig away at you even more about what coulda shoulda woulda... OR see this as an opportunity for GOD to rise to the occasion. Personally, I believe you guys are candidates for a miracle in your finances! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I wonder if it is on a "state by state" basis? We were told that since OW and H weren't married, they couldn't come after us for back child support, but can only collect from the date that she filed, (In our case, the state stepped in when her two year review for medicaid came up).
I insisted on filing first regardless to protect our interests (as if our interests could ever be protected!)
If we hadn't have filed first, the state would have made it worse for us and in that case, I agree with Texasgirl, cover your butts!
It ended up that OW approached our atty and asked to settle out of court. (God was working in this situation, we have been praying hard!)
I would have an atty on hand and find out what you can and cannot do to the fullest extent of the law. I am surprised at some of the things that I took for granted can be taken away from me, just because OW had sex for ten seconds with my H.
My thoughts and prayers for all of us!
Gemini(debi), I was thinking about you the other day, I hope you are doing better. I said extra prayers for you. Wish I could figure out how to chat with you one day!
Hugs to y'all.....
Twiisty

I'm glad that this was brought up. Ow says that she didn't want anything from my dh as well. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't know who the father is or just doesn't want the hassle.<p>I'm to the point that I don't want to be the one to pay $600 so that she can find out who the father is. I know, we would find out that he isn't and that's priceless to me! Then of course, I really don't want to be paying cs and all that goes along with it, if he does turn out to be the father. I don't mean to sound selfish, but I am thinking about me and I think that that's only human.<p>I wonder if a lawyer is necessary if she hasn't even done anything yet? I don't think that back support would be required. Only support from when paternity was established.

Oh goodness I had a nice reply and forgot to "log in"! ugh!!!!<p>BTDT,thanks for your kind words. God will provide I'm sure. He always has. <p>It's Satan I'm scared of as he touched so many lives of the people I love most. They gave their soul just to play that game! Not worth it.... As long as we keep praying and mean it I know we'll be ok...like the loaves and the fish from biblical times... remember? God will provide what we need.<p>Twiisty I thank you very much for your prayers. D-day one year is tomorrow and I'm doing ok. I told H how I was going through a "thing" and he understood and apologized again.<p>As far as chat..I'm not on long enough. I'd leave my e-mail but I don't want it up here all night. Maybe tomorrow you can get it from one of the dayturn ladies who has it! E-mail's easier for me.<p>love
Debi

tinlizzy,<p>we are an example of the OW changing her mind and deciding to go after support. she didn't decide to do anything until OC was almost 3. so we now owe $20,000 in back support and pay $650 a month in current and back support. dna was established when child was 3. <p>protect yourselves. you never know when OW or the state will change their minds. as for our case, OW had been denying she knew who father was to state department of economic security, but when they threatened her to cut off benefits, she told them. <p>take the time to see a lawyer and try to get something signed, or assure what the laws are in your state.<p>happy_girl<p>4 years 9 months into recovery!!!
OC is 4, no contact, pay cs