When I first saw OW, I thought she was cheap and ugly looking. That made me feel totally unthreatened. I figured my H was just using her to make himself feel big. Well, this weekend she and I spoke face to face for a few minutes and as much as I hate to say it, she's quite beautiful. I felt myself getting extremely upset. I have never been the jealous type and not to brag, but I am very attractive. But I am attractive in a totally different way than she is. She is Pamela Anderson and I am Michelle Pfieffer. She's light blond, looooong hair, BIG boobs, very curvy and very pretty and sexy. I am more classic, silk slacks and blouses,pearls, minimal makeup, nice figure but not voluptious at all. Now, I just feel awful about myself. I know looks aren't the issue but what has me so upset is that we are SO opposite and obviously my H was attracted to her. I never thought he liked that type. My H is a very wealthy business man and we have been a very prominent couple socially. I thought he LIKED my type but now I feel there is obviously something he liked a lot about her and probably still does, physically. Now I feel so inadequate, like maybe I should get a boob job start dressing differently or something. I mean, don't men have a "type" that they are usually attracted to? Some would be a Pamela Anderson type while others the Michelle Pfieffer type? How could he like both? Makes me think THAT'S what he really wants and he's stuck with me. I mean, I could fit my whole rear end and then some in her bra! How do you not compare yourself?

Personally I don't think "type" is the issue at all. But since that's what you have chosen to focus on, is it not possible that you and the OW can both be different AND beautiful?<p>How much did you date before you married. I have never been married, but I like lots of different kinds of men (physically and otherwise).<p>Maybe you should focus on what makes you wonderful and forget about her. Isn't THAT more important?

I hear you Bonnie. I can't help but compare either except...ow looked so much like me...and she was very well endowed. I became very self concious and even contemplated implants! I think we try so hard to figure out the whys...it hurts and it's confusing, but since your h stayed with you, you are most definitely what he wants/loves and not the ow. I don't know what goes on in our husband's minds sometimes. I wish I had an answer, I just know how you feel...

Hi Katie [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks you guys. It's just weird when you think you know someone so well. And yes, I think you can be attracted to several types, but it just seems odd how very different we are. I mean, physical appearance is just the beginning. Honestly, I am beginning to feel that my H wanted me to compliment him, to play the "perfect wife" roll, to make him look good and socially acceptable. I mean, we used to host huge dinner parties at my home, go to huge galas, the opera etc. I really don't give a hoot about that stuff now as it seems so small and insignificant. But, I played the part. After all that, he goes out and has twins with a young bombshell, NOT the type you'd see at one of the "socialite" boring parties we used to go to. I feel like, "so I was good enough for all that crap, but I wasn't good enough in bed or something? Sometimes I still feel so angry with him I can't believe I'm with him. And he HAS been trying and I really don't think he's seeing OW, in fact she IS nice and I get the feeling she is pretty disgusted with him too. Anyway, thanks for the support. I guess I wonder how my H sees me now? Maybe he hasn't ever really seen me for who I am and this will be a good opportunity to discover one another. Oh, it's so very hard.

Hi confused-cious:says <p>You know what's funny. When I had the opportunity to get to know more about my {now x} MM's wife, I was shocked at how similar we are. Physically, we are very similar. Our voices are the same, same build, same personality on and on and on.<p>Just goes to show, you never know.

Who cares! If she was beautiful, she is still a slut which would make me even more pissed. But thank God OW looks like King Kongs mama.
I guess that was mean! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I try to stay away from the "she's a slut" thing. For one, my H lied to her and secondly, he's just as big of a slut. It's not HER or her looks that upset me, more that now I question how he feels for me. They usually do say the W and OW are usually similar in many ways. That is so far off the mark in my case and I wonder what it means.

I have never seen ow but we are pretty similar. I get the feeling we are a lot alike physically too. She was a slut. NO doubt about it. But she has used this situatuion and gotten right with God and I commend her on that. Ow and I might have been friends had she not slept with my H...lol. <p>Seriously, I can look at her in a much better light now since she has apologized and she is taking responsibility for her own family. I no longer hate her. The hate I fought for a long time. We have a kinship in the Lord and that is enough to give both of us comfort I believe.<p>As far as the differences go...really it doesnt matter that you dont look at her as a slut. The point of it is he did. You are the one he chose to be with. Leave it at that. I asked you this already on the other thread but I havent gotten to see if you answered, but did she know he was married?<p>Try not to worry. The reason you are playing the part of the wife at all those functions is that you are the wife. You cant take the local Pamela Anderson look alike to those things, she is not wife material. Ya know what I mean?

<p>[ November 13, 2001: Message edited by: neverforget ]</p>

I definitely agree with broken_wings, you are his wife, the one he chooses to spend his life with.<p>OW was just his fantasy and the reality of OCs has hit home! Ooops! So he got his wake-up call and look, he's still with YOU! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Oh well, I know you'll get through this and no need to change yourself or lose your confidence as a woman. Put your trust in God and keep it there. Period. You are starting to second guess yourself and that's not good.<p>You are doing your best for OCs so that's the important thing, right?

Yes, the OW did know my H was married. He told her we had an understanding and were divorcing soon. I think she was taken with him, thinking he was the powerful businessman with the awful wife at home. I hold her responsible but in some way, I just pity her. She doesn't have much, never married and I think she dresses that way because she has to, or at least she thinks she does. I think my H must have been feeling neglected by me, but I have such a hard time with that. I mean, I was trying to be what he wanted and then he turns around and does that? I don't care HOW unhappy a man is, or how badly he is chased, it gives him no right to do what he did.
Thanks for listening and sharing your stories about OW.

Bonnie,<p>I agree with you. THere is no reason whatsoever for H to run out and have an affair. My H and I were seperated for a year and a half due to the army. Still no excuse. I was just as lonely as he was if not more so since I didnt pour my emotions into an affair. For his credit, he has never tried to blame me in any way form or fashion.<p>I do hold my ow at fault also though. If she had been lied to about him even being married that would be one thing. Then I could feel totally sorry for her. Sure he lied to her about our state of marriage, but that is what an affair is based on...lies. How many do you hear about where the H says "oh my marriage is perfect, I just need to use you for a while". Of course she had thrown in her share of lies too. Bottom line for me was that he was married. That is the end of discussion. There is no defense. She knew he was married and with children. If she believed his crap after he came to visit me (i was still clueless) and he came back and told her he was gonna work on our marriage she was pissed! And wham bam, next thing you know she is pregnant. So in my book she didnt even take precaution when she knew for sure he wasnt for sure "getting divorced". If she wanted to be selfish and ruin me and my daughter's life then fine. But she didnt even consider the child she was bringing into this. <p>Then she had the nerve to act as if I was the one who screwed up her life. Anyways, as I have said before she has seen the light and most of my opinion here was how I felt about her when she was self-righteous. Unfortunately she still seems to be pretty messed up still so I will continue to pray for her.