I've been married for 8 years. I don't think I'm in love with my wife. Let me rephrase that, I love my wife but never as wife, more of a good friend type love. Dated and found attractive and so on but just didn't get that head over heels type of love. She got pregnant, I married cause thats the right thing to do and after 8 years I feel I've finally realized is that there has never been true honesty from the beginning of our marriage. Now I finally said something and were going to have some alone time, just don't know where to start since everything I read from Mr. Harley is on how to get that romance and love back! What if the romance and love was not there from the start? I don't know what to do! I want to be honest wife my wife, who I know loves me. She wants to work on our marriage and make it survive, my problem is I truely don't know if I love her the way she loves me. My ID Say's it all!
The other side is we have two lovely children and I feel I'm hurting them with my not being in love with their Mother! I don't want to hurt anyone!

A little history on our marriage:

I have traveled since we were dating, In our 10 years together, I was probable gone on an average of 3 days a week from home. Our relationship has never been a usual one. We have been slowly drifting farther apart and honestly I think the only reason I've been trying to make it work is to please everyone else.

Now I've figured out that instead of pleasing I'm hurting. Are the kids better off if we get divorced? Is my wife better off finding someone better then me? I wish she had someone special in her life, She deserves it!
I'm a loner in my own way because thats what I've become by being gone all the time. Unfortunaley It's destructive to our marriage.

I've never cheated on my wife, have no intentions to find someone else. I just want everyone to be happy and the way it's going is everyone is becoming unhappy!

I'm confused most by love!

I was married before and my first wife had an affair and our marriage ended. I loved her in a way much different then my wife. Yes she hurt me and to be honest I think I still love her. I know I love her more then my wife now. No I don't want anything to do with my ex-wife, just explaining my feelings on love.

A few questions and I apoligize if it is cut up a bit. I'm just typing the words & feelings in my mind & heart.

Thanks for listening!

Confused

<small>[ December 04, 2003, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: AtotallyConfusedMan ]</small>

All the mb principles about rebuilding love can also be applied to building love! The best advice I have for you is to focus on your wife, meet her needs, become a fabulous lover/husband to her.

Lots of people have a wonderful spouse, but never see the beauty that is there til it's too late. Look at her with fresh eyes.

Learn to deeply communicate with her, talk to her, woo her heart. As her husband, you are the only person who can help your wife to become that sensuous adorable woman God created her to be! Help her to meet your needs by being open with her about yourself as you would with a new lover. Don't fail her in this by being self-centered and negative, focusing on her less admirable qualities. Take the initiative in this and you will both be blessed! It can be our joyous "duty" as spouses to help our partners become the lovers we desire.

I just wanted to add that I'm in the same situation as you... well it's similar. My wife loves me tremendously but I just don't feel the same way about her.

(My situation is a bit different... I no longer love my wife because of the way she is around me -- she is extremely reserved around others but with me she is an emotional train wreck: complaining, nagging, blaming, etc. etc. etc. -- it sounds funny but I'm fairly certain that she acts this way because she loves me, she just doesn't know how to really deal with her emotions.)

I feel extremely guilty for not loving her, but I don't and I don't think I ever will. I see too many things about her that I just would never want in a wife. She is a great person, but not the kind I want to be married to. We've been married for 5 years and I don't forsee that we'll ever get divorced, strictly for religious reasons and my own sense of guilt.

I actually have found that despite not loving my wife, I do enjoy being married to an extent. I was never the kind of guy who was out there to date alot of women or anything like that. It's nice to know that there is someone who you can always go home and talk to about things, etc. etc. etc.

I unfortunately made a bad choice on who to marry I suppose.

Do you enjoy being married or does not being in love make being married a drag for you?