Actually I am not an OW just a BS like the rest of you, I myself like to hear of the pain that those woman go through, why because of the pain they have caused me over the years, I do realize that the OW inmy life is not one of thembut if you are anOW then I am sorry you are a piece of crap, I like to hear how bad they feel for their children not having a father to send fathers day cards to, I like to hear them complain that the wife means more then their little [censored], sorry if you find this offensive but are you being honest with yourselves if you can not find even a little bit of pleasure down inside, I do know that it is not the childs fault but it is the OW fault and if she is feeling pain, hurt, despair GOOD! I hope she hurtsf for the rest of her life, I am new to all thisand maybe I will feeol different in a few years but I doubt it because as long as the OW and her [censored] is still on this earth I will still feel the pain of betrayel most deeply and there is nothing more to it than that, sorrry but that is the way I feel so be it, I really do not want to offend you guys but get real you want the OW to be in pain don'tyou???

I am sorry, but having been on this rollercoaster ride for far too long already, I just want to get away from the pain. I have suffered more pain than any OW ever will, because I have watched the man I loved more than life turn into someone I didn't know, and someone I don't even like, much less love anymore.
If the OW has pain, my enjoying it does not relieve the pain that has torn at me for three years now. It won't keep me from waking up in tears because I am alone once again in my walk through life. It won't obliterate the years of what used to be beautiful memories, but are now just shattered dreams. Yes, it's really tempting to revel in someone else's pain, especially if they are doing something they shouldn't that causes the pain. But is the little bit of fun you get from watching the knife be twisted worth the amount that your own soul is diminished?
Please don't be angry. You asked a question, and I simply stated my point of view on it. We who are healing should be spending our time more focused on positive ways of bettering our lives, than on wallowing in someone else's misery, not matter whom that person is. Believe me, if you could see some of my posts from when I first found this board a long long time ago, you would wonder what happened to me, because I am not agreeing with you. All I can say to that is I am a much older and wiser "ktgirl" than I was coming here fresh in discovery. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi, honestly there are times I wanted ow to suffer, but I think that having a child with a married man that no longer wants anything to do with you or the child is very painful...My h and I haved moved on and made our marriage even stronger, although I will never forget, the goodness that resulted from all of this heartache were 3 more children and an unbreakable marriage..and this ow will have to live with this oc,.. constantly being reminded of her mistake(& his) as well, I mean her child is not a mistake, but the circumstances of how the oc was brought into this world is not something she would want to proudly announce(it's understandable, my h and I have also kept oc a secret)....well, that's just my opinion..

KTGIRL,<p>you are a very strong woman. I admire you and...<p>Here's a hug from me to you ((((ktgirl))))<p>Love, Butterfly

Butterfly, and KT,<p>God bless both of you. I have great respect and admiration for what i've read from the 2 of you. However, to a certain degree I must speak up about 1 thing. <p>There is something about this post that makes OW seem like poor pathetic creatures. As an xOW, I will say that many MM go on to have beautiful lives with their families as do OW.<p>THe hope is that everyone moves on from an unfortunate situation to have a richer and fuller life.

Whoever you are....
Is your H still on this earth??? He's the one who betrayed you right? He's the one who willingly had an affair and helped to create the little [censored] right? Oh no, let me guess....she raped him got pregnant on purpose, he had nothing to do with it. Or wait, could it be the poor little guy was haivng emotional problems and she caught him at a weak moment....SPARE ME! Your H and the OW are the guilty ones, but you are guilty of being a very hateful person. Get a divorce if you can't handle it.

I didn't mean to make xOW look pathetic. Sorry..I think the h is guilty too of course! no doubt..it is unfortuante that the man has the choice of living w/o the oc and the woman does not..and bonnie is right, if you can't handle it, get a divorce. It's pointless to stay married if you have bitterness inside your heart. It is possible for both sides of the affair to move on..it's normal not to forget but to harbor hatred is unhealthy. <p>Katie, I didn't mean to offend you, you strike me as a very loving,intelligent woman and I apoligize. Btw, I used to post as confusedcioussays, but that was too long so I changed my name to butterfly [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] )

Butterfly,
Thank you for the kind words. I know I will never be totally the same as I was before the affair happened, but I also know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life being bitter over it. I've spent plenty of bitter time in the early days, and every so often after that.
My main goal through all of this is to find a happy medium somewhere between the person I was before, and the person I am now. Hopefully, this will be a goal I can achieve.

Katie Scarlett,
OWs, while not my favorite kind of people to give character references to yet, are only as pathetic as they allow themselves to be.
Yes, many MM go back to their families and are successful at rebuilding their marriages. And many OW move on in life, and have successful relationships themselves. That's the best case scenario. I do have to say, that if you know a man is married, and you allow yourself to become pregnant by him, I am sorry, but I do still consider that as the act of a pathetic woman. I know you won't agree, but the act of of deceiving the man by saying you are on the pill and then when he goes back to his marriage you turn up pregnant, is pathetic. You know you can't hold him, so you create this child to do it for you. That is the pathetic part. Sorry if I have upset you, but every woman who has made this choice has no right to expect sympathy when it doesn't fly her way. It was a "slim chance" type of deal to begin with.

KT,
You have not upset me. I happen to agree! I'll take it a step further and say ANY woman/person who tries to trap another by having a child is pathetic!<p>I know a married woman who's husband had left her for TOW. She had been on the pill years and never gave any indication that she was off of it. She became pregnant by her husband in a desperate move to keep him. She had the baby, and now he's married to TOW. [I don't condone the actions on ANYONE involved in this case, but being pathetic works both ways]<p>Crazy is crazy is crazy. It's just that simple.<p>[ November 16, 2001: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</p>

<strong>Whoever you are....
Is your H still on this earth??? He's the one who betrayed you right? He's the one who willingly had an affair and helped to create the little [censored] right? Oh no, let me guess....Get a divorce if you can't handle it.</strong>[/QUOTE]<p>Bonniebb I think that was very cruel. Pollock is obviously in the begginning of her emotional downturn and needs us to give her a positive outlook. It's very painful for her and if you can't handle the outburst that come from a pain too extreme to explain with words then maybe you shouldn't reply. You're not helping her.

Do you see how mean and spitefull Bonnie really is, does she really have a husband? doubt it