As you might remember, we do not know for sure if the oc is really his child. Nobody really wants the test done except for me and now I'm not all that sure.<p>So far, she hasn't asked for cs or a test, but is willing to do the test. I did just find out in June, so she might figure that she should just go ahead and try for cs, I don't know.<p>That's actually the problem. I don't know how I will live with the uncertainty of *not* knowing. It would seem that the situation would always be hanging over our heads with her in control.<p>At this point, I feel that if we pay cs and the child is his, then we should have joint custody and that scares the heck out of me! We want to move out of state and if she at some point files for test and cs, then we won't have any custody.<p>So, I guess on one hand, if we do find out, then there are lots of ramifications that could follow, but if we don't find out, then we live a life of uncertainty for a very long time if not forever. Uggggg!!!!! I can't seem to answer this question within myself!<p>Wondering if anyone else is in the same situation of not knowing?

definatley find out you need to know ...and then you will have to deal with the rest of the implications YOU NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!<p>if the child sint his you are free...if it is you need to deal with it
facts are better than suppositions anyday! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I can't speak for everybody, but in our case, it was actually helpful to us to file first and get the dna testing. It could have ended up far worse for us in court if we hadn't.
I was just always raised to CYA (cover your a**).
If in fact the child proves to be his, you have your options and by filing first shows the court (and the state) that you have an interest in pursuing whatever you wish to pursue. (as well as the responsibility to go along with it).
I would decide what I want out of this (custody, etc. ) and then take the test and pursue as much as I can legally and financially.
I have learned that it doesn't hurt to ask, and it sure pays off in the long run to cover all your areas legally so you don't get stuck with a CS order you can't pay (when you can try to negotiate beforehand) etc. etc.
I am not an expert on legal matters, but I know that if we hadn't filed first we would be in a world of a mess worse than we are now.
Just my two cents.(and speaking of my experience.)
I know you will make the right decision that works for you.
Praying for you,
Hugs,
Twiisty

Thanks for your thoughts. If it were up to my husband, we wouldn't find out. He doesn't want anything to do with the oc if the oc is his. I, personally, don't think that's right. It's right for him, but not for me. Ugggg!!!<p>Everything is going so well between ws and I.He's been listening to HNHN on tape. He's left me speechless with his behavior and words. I think that I am actually in love with my husband again! It's great! I feel like we're on top of the rollercoaster and will be going down soon while trying to resolve this issue!<p>Thanks for all your support [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

The ow is due in April and I am pretty new to this and will be dealing with all the cs issues come April. But i know for me that I would need to know if oc is h's or not. H believes it is, I assume it is, but for just the sake of my sanity, I think it would be easier, easier to heal if I knew the results. If you do find out if it is your h's, then at least you both can move forward each day together with certainty, confidence and better yet, just allowing healing to occur rather than wondering and wallowing over this for the rest of your life. <p>May God bless you both immensely,
Julia<p>[ November 16, 2001: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

Thanks, Julia. I agree. I just wish that dh would get on this and quit making me be the one to call ow and find out all the DNA stuff and all that. Well, he's not *making* me, but if I want it done, I need to do it myself.<p>
Last night I was thinking this....sometimes a person just needs to do what is *right* and trust that because you're choosing the right thing, that all will work out the way that it's supposed to.<p>Thank you for your prayers!