I am curious for all you seasoned "oldbies" (being a newbie, myself) how did you handle major holidays (whether you have contact or not) after D-Day?
I keep thinking to myself, "Oh my gosh...a year ago I was oblivious to all this.....etc. etc."
I don't want it to affect the holidays this year. I do look for things to appreciate.
Some days are better than others.
Some days I wake up and feel like I am married to a stranger. Other days, he's the man I always knew and loved.
I don't want to be an emotional basketcase either and ruin the holidays by crying or venting or being mad all the time.
It has been 6 months since d-day for me (May 1, 01) and I am wondering at what point do I get "a little better" and get to start moving on with my life?
I am a "little better" but then I have a day or so where I let loose again, (Anger, pain, grief and hurt) and my H gets defensive, guilty, sad, etc. and withdraws.
We are addressing this in counseling, but I was hoping y'all could share some of your feelings and emotions during the "stressful-enough-as-it-is" holidays...(thank God I got all my shopping done now...been working at it all year)
Thanks to y'all....I really appreciate all you people here.
Hugs,
Twiisty<p>[ November 15, 2001: Message edited by: twiisty ]</p>

Twiisty,
I am in the same boat as you. I am about 7 1/2 months past DDay. <p>Like you I have periods of really good days, even weeks at a time, then wham, something triggers and I go nuts. <p>The last two days have been very bad for me, not even sure why. We have found a new therapist to work with. H went yesterday to meet her (alone) which probably is what set me off. I couldn't understand why he didn't want me in on the first visit. But then I get my turn next, I am on a waiting list. But she does seem caring, and for the first time a therapist who actually wants to take control. The last one was very nice and a good listener, but no clear direction. My fingers are crossed. <p>Tonight H wants to start bringing down the Xmas decorations. I just can't really get motivated. This is the first Xmas our kids won't be here for extended time (empty nesters now).<p>Not really sure how we are handling the present exchange with the OCs either. <p>I wish I was finished shopping like you Twiisty, but am getting close. <p>Tina

hi twiisty and Tina,
Last Christmas was several weeks past d-day. H had moved back home a week and 1/2 before Christmas. We had started counseling (with that fraud -of-a priest) and were not yet at too good a place except H kept showing his sorrow alot at the time which helped.<p>Christmas Day started magical. We exchanged gifts. H got me big ole diamond stud earrings. He bought them a few days after d-day and was planning to give them to me no matter what!<p>I got him a plaque w/a nail from Jesus' cross that said"This is the Carpenters nail, a sober reminder that the nails that once pierced, are the nails that now secure the lives of those who call themselves apprentices of the great Carpenter"<p>It remains on our fireplace mantle. He cried and I cried and we hugged from love and fright of the future and feelings from Christmas' past.<p>We had the same traditional Christmas dinner and visited w/our usual friends and family (except for the year before when we spent Christmas night w/ow and her H and kids and blew off our regular friends and family.... gag....)<p>It was a magical day. Special in that we, for one day had a truce, and I wanted to be so normal I did all I could to make it happen.<p>However New Years was a different story...I got wasted and cried and broke things and RUINED the evening! UGH!!!!<p>Hope it goes well for all of you.<p>love
Debi

Twiisty e-mail Xarelel for my address ok? Maybe she will send it to you.
love
Debi

My first holiday after Dday was Christmas. Dday was the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. Fortunately, we were distracted by my sister's wedding and visiting with my side of the family and no one knew yet. The first time my h dealt with my side of the family was July of this year. It went pretty well considering. H still has not dealt with my mom yet. That will be the most harrowing (sp?) So far the holidays this year havent felt too heavy.

Twisty,<p>I had to just go through the motions for two yrs my heart just wasn&#8217;t in it. I had to live not one day at a time but 5 min at a time. I was lost for a long time until I came across this site little over 1 yr ago and found I wasn&#8217;t alone , I wasn&#8217;t nuts (well maybe I am nuts cant blame that on this) I wasn&#8217;t rotten, for feeling the way I did. I was normal as normal can be in such a situation.Your going to have alot of times that the craziest things will remind you of something that makes you sad or mad (I want to choke him to death angery )but in time that passes also.<p> This yr is feeling good
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] this will be my third Thanksgiveng since finding out. I do believe I&#8217;m finally there. Guess what d day that I had found out about oc was a week ago and I didn&#8217;t even realize it.Last year I couldnt stand this time of year because of it. When you have them rotten days or moments just keep telling yourself there&#8217;s always tomorrow. I guess what I&#8217;m trying to say is it feels like all your doing is going through the motions sometimes just keep doing it. In time the joy does return and life is fun again without even trying. <p>I &#8216;m feeling better about my life then I ever have. You know what a year ago I would have never believed it possible. I think it&#8217;s been close to 6 months now since I have had one of them temper tantrums. I didn&#8217;t think that was ever going to end either. Just keep hanging in there it really feels good when you finally get there. With love, flowerseed<p>[ November 19, 2001: Message edited by: flowerseed ]</p>