<p>[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</p>

I can only respond to this as the mother of a 3.5 year old. Their wants and desires change with the wind sometimes.<p>Just this morning my son begged and cried for me to play with him. I was busy, running late in my morning routine. Finally I decided to give him some attention. I sat in the middle of his mess of a room and began to play with him. He left and went to watch cartoons. <p>It was only when I returned to the bathroom to put on my makeup that he returned to begging me to play.

I had a thought, just trying to answer my own question.<p>What would you think if I suggested that if H goes about with his individual visits, that he tells the little girl that he would like to stop over to our house just to say "hi" to me. Not trying to force myself on her, but still to make my presence known. I am just worried that if she gets back into the habit of individual visits, she will not want to let me back into the visits.
I am worried that H and OW are letting this 3 yr. old call all the shots. <p>Please don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be mean, I just am trying to figure out a way these visits can start up again without me being left out. Any input would be appreciated, especially from you parents with young children. <p>Thanks Katie for your reply, I do forget how the mind of a 3 year old works.<p>Tina

Tina,<p>You shouldn't feel guilty. Your H is putting you first you should be happy. I used to feel so guilty H decided not to have contact until exOW get over him. I let it go and went with the flow. I'm pretty sure you've been praying, asking God to help you deal with this burden maybe this is his way of giving you a needed break. Let your H take the lead as long as it's in line with your mutual agreement. This is his situation your just tolerating it becasue you want your marriage to work. Good luck I hope this helps.<p>Unsure

There is no question that 3 year olds LOVE to run the show!!<p>Mine was running the show at school until I showed up and put the teacher in her place.<p>I don't envy your position. Obviously there is a history [not to mention 2 kids] with him and OW so I think you're right to be nervous.

Hi Tina, <p>I'm sorry, but I don't know your whole situation. Is this the first time that your H has visited with the oc as well or has he been doing that and you've just been included or found out?<p>It would seem strange that the child wouldn't want to accept you as a package deal if you've both just started the visitations together. <p>I have small children and I would have to agree with Katie, they change their minds quickly! Does the child visit with other people or go to daycare? Is the child not used to being without the mom? <p>My children are with me all the time, don't do daycare, and don't like being at other people's houses without me because they're not used to it. They are better with it now that they are older. <p>They surely know if I don't like someone! They have to go to my in-laws periodically and their teenage uncle is a total brat and totally irresponsible and it drives me crazy!!!! They usually come home and tattle on him and I'm not so sure if it's because what he did really bothered them (it almost always bothers me) or they know that it's what I expect to hear. Does that make sense? I have vowed to stop saying that their uncle is a brat...but he is! (he took a lighter and pretended to light their hair on fire last time they were there!)<p>I would have a meeting with the ow, the 3 of you and discuss this. Make it clear that you are a package deal and you are going to see the child. She can make it easier on the child in many ways. I wonder, does she not want visitation? Is she trying to sabatage this? Now is the time to bond with the child...waiting is only going to make it more difficult.<p>I don't know if I was much help......

Tina,<p>I think your thought of having H and OC stop by to say "Hi" is excellent! It will keep the routine of seeing your H, and also work you back into the picture, slowly. You shouldn't feel guilty about what has transpired. You are supporting your H with grace and dignity. I would talk to your H about doing the dinner/lunch outing, with at stop at your house to show OC that he loves you, and wants to say "Hi", or even to "show her off" to you. If he puts it in that frame, OC may get excited to see you again. I wish I had better advice, but continue to pray about it, and you will be shown the route you need to take.<p>Love,<p>Tigger

Thanks all for your advice. Tigger, I especially like the idea of him stopping by to "show her off". That is great!<p>TinLizzy, H has been visiting with OC since dday 7 months ago. Alone at the beginning, because I was not ready to become involved yet. The past 2 months I have been involved. <p>Talked to H today about my idea, and his comment was he wanted a weekend without any conflicts or discussion of OC. Sounds good to me... Off to see Shallow Hal. <p>Thanks again ladies. <p>Tina