Just wondering how much CS does your h's pay. It makes me sick, very sick. My h has 2 children from a previous relationship b/4 I met him (whom he pays CS for) and we have one together and OC gets $560.00 per month plus medical and dental not to mention my child from a previous relationship who the courts dont recognize. My h is on fixed income! And now she has a new home and a new benz! What a B****! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Any feedback?

(O)pportunistic (W)hore gets $1300 per month from us so she can live at home with Mom and Dad at 36 years old and eat herself into a size gargantuan while she watches daytime TV.<p>What a Babe.<p>Catnip =^^=<p>[ November 26, 2001: Message edited by: catnip ]</p>

The courts barely recognized my H's and my children together. Even though we have two together , the court counted OC differently as two children and cut the money owed in half (so instead of counting "three" children, they counted only two) NOT TO MENTION they didn't acknowledge that my H pays 100% for my two children from a previous marriage (and claims them on our income taxes) because my ex-H doesn't pay diddley-squat! <p>They won't go after my ex-H who I was legally married to and who has a responsibility to pay for my children, but they will make sure they rake my H now for an unmarried O(pportunistic) W(hore) (thanks Catnip!)
Where is the justice in that?
If it weren't for the fact that OW had a change of heart (Only from God, who was watching over me and my four children) and settled out of court, the Juvvy court here would be making mucho grande moolah off of us!<p>We pay $400 a month (for one child) (My ex-H pays me $200 a month for two children and forget about medical, even though he is ordered to pay it)<p>We also pay 66% of our less than stellar health insurance (I do laugh about OW getting off of medicaid to get on our health insurance...it sucks!) OW does have to pay 34% which will keep her from taking the kid to the emergency room every day like some other women we knew did to other cops.<p>We have no dental, vision or prescription plan.
I guess we did get off easy compared to others and I am not complaining. (just venting! there's a difference!) LOL!!!<p>I want to figure out some way to make our voices heard so that future people won't get screwed over in the CS department. But I guess on the other hand, you can't legislate morality and "you play you pay" still goes into effect.<p>I don't mind paying the OC because as someone who doesn't receive the proper child support from my own legitimate EX-H...I understand the heartache of not having money for my children. I do feel that the CS paid by my H is his punishment for stepping outside of our marriage. <p>I do resent the poor choices he made and I do resent that I have to have this "life sentence" of 16 years. But it could be worse, so I will count my blessings.<p>One of the first things I insisted on when I found out about OC was that we will pay our financial obligation(pending the dna test). (Doesn't mean I like it, though) but it is the right thing to do, regardless of whether we have contact or not. (we still choose no contact.)<p>It's amazing that the courts can't go after those who legitimately create children and refuse to pay, but for unmarried people or people in adulterous situations we get the corkscrew....<p>Amazing.....Absolutely amazing......
Time to grab another diet coke......
*gasp*...it's still early here in the a.m.
Hugs,
Twiisty [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Twiisty,<p>How were you able to settle out of court? The OW had tried to work with my H for the past six months so he would just help her out, but he wouldn't because he didn't want me to find out. Anyway, she's been pretty amicable, says she doesn't want to take anything away from our kids (we have four) and that we'll "work it out". <p>Is there a way to take care of it on our own before our court date?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by twiisty:
<strong> They won't go after my ex-H who I was legally married to and who has a responsibility to pay for my children, but they will make sure they rake my H now for an unmarried O(pportunistic) W(hore) </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Wwwhhaaaatttt? Are you telling us that you, a former wife, cannot get the courts to enforce CS for your children but they are determined to reward the OW for the behavior? That they are moving mountains to make sure she is getting her unfair share of the pie? Are you telling us that your XH is only required to pay $200 but you and your H are forced to pay $400 plus whatever may come out of the DNA results?<p>Now, that's what I call an "Incentive Plan" for potential OW's everywhere...follow the cash cow. Go ahead and get knocked up by a MM and never give a thought to the domino effect of what your actions will bring. His wife? Ballast! Who cares? His children? They'll get over it. His family and friends? Big deal. His finances? Mmmmm, yeah! Let me at it! The only thing that matters is the steady and generous income stream because I am lazy and selfish and want what I want when I want it and I have no morals, character, convictions, integrity or heart.<p>Meow. I am angry today. <p>Definitely a win-win for the OW, n'est pas?<p>Catnip =^^=

OW gets $1,500 month for the 2oc she so happily provided H with. I did insist that with that amount going to OW that $200 go directly into a broker account for a college fund. She had not set up anything on her own, and I was doggone sure I was not going to pay for college tuition after paying all this CS. They might have to go to state schools or look for scholarships, but at least we have something in place.

H only pays $400 a month, thank God. I can't believe the amount some of you have to pay. I know it goes by income, but having to pay more than $1000 for one child! <p>Your definition of OW is exactly what my exOW is Catnip. She even lied about paying childcare to try and fleece H out of more money. (He was ordered to pay 53% of CC cost) I told her to send us proof and we would be more than happy to pay any childcare owed, that was a month and a half-ago no reply yet. (I wonder why) <p>We could do a modification to lower CS. She's working now so her income has increased but H income has increased a lot too. So H and I agreed to leave things alone unless she's tries to pull another stupid stunt.<p>
Unsure

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by UNSure919400:
<strong>H only pays $400 a month, thank God. I can't believe the amount some of you have to pay. I know it goes by income, but having to pay more than $1000 for one child! <p>We could do a modification to lower CS</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Our income is very low. The amount was determined according to what my husband used to make and was capable of making, not what he actually makes. Corrupt, evil system. They refused to take into consideration his illness, all documented, and the fact he was out of work from January 1999 until June 2000 and his earnings were only $700 per week. After taxes and the garnishment, he brought home $150 per week...definitely not enough to live on. But, they don't care, refused to examine ourr returns, accused us of cooking the books and refused to consider his illness. The OW tried to attach our house and put a lien on his share of the equity to satisfy the arrears but we were able to divorce, file a Quit Claim and go into hiding for six months, working for cash to take care of obligations, under the wire. The courts were looking for him to revoke his license and throw him in jail. I am hoping my Personal Injury lawsuit will cause the OW to back off her aggressive campaign to steal from us and destroy us if I should win. I know I won't get any money, and that's OK...I am not looking for money. I am looking for peace. She has already gotten enough money off us for a dozen years, so if we are able to come up with something creative, I am hoping we won't have to pay anything for a significant amount of time.<p>We did get a "modification". The orignal amount was $3000 per month, modified to $1500, then modified again to $1300, but the arrears were calculated at $3000 per month and the courts refuse to adjust the arrears retroactively.<p>It is an extremely corrupt and evil system, dedicated to nailing the NCP to the income shares cross, refusing to consider the family of origin and the hardship and destruction they are responsible for.<p>Catnip =^^=

My H pays $1600 a month for the two kids, plus provides health and will pay school tuition which will be private school. I know the OW in some of your situations seem like they are taking advantage of the money and maybe they are. However, this is what happens when our H are unfaithful and risk pregnancy. I just hope the H have all learned a valuable lesson here so they won't do it again. They are paying for their mistakes where it hurts - the wallet. Just like a lot of you feel the OW is getting what she deserves for HER selfish mistake - having to raise child alone, no man, etc, our H are paying for their selfish mistake by having to dig into their wallets. What they all did, all the H and all the OW was wrong and selfish and they all knew what they were doing. They all took the chance and they are all paying for it. We too are paying for it and in many ways, we are choosing to since we chose to stay married to these men, knowing they created OC and that they now havbe other responsibilities as well.

Mariachimom:<p>In our case, the OW threatened my H for two years that if he didn't do what she wanted she would call me (keep in mind that I was pg and H didn't want me to miscarry...I told him he should have told me, I would have taken my chances!!!)
In our case, when she called me and told me that she and OC existed, that blew her "leverage" with my H.<p>We got an attorney (I insisted on doing everything legally). We filed first in a higher court. Our atty told us that it was in our favor for filing first (probably to show the court that we are serious about finding out paternity and establishing child support so we didn't look like deadbeat dad).<p>Here in Louisiana (in our area) they handle things through Juvinile court. The thing that saved our butts was that we filed first and the court dockets crossed. (Juvvy took over when it was time for OW to renew medicaid etc.)<p>We filed a paternity suit to establish paternity, because of the nature of our OW, we wanted to make sure that it was H's child and that we weren't going to pay for someone elses.<p>Because the OW/OC were on state assistance, the Juvvy court got involved. (Not good for us..but understandable).
If we hadn't filed first, it would have been worse for us. By obtaining an atty (it cost us alot of money that we didn't have, we had to take it out of retirement money and the money we used was supposed to go fix the plumbing in our house...c'est la vie) we ensured that could work something out and try to settle before going to court.<p>OW didn't have an atty (another thing in our favor, as she couldn't afford one I guess). Juvvy court was going to make us pay $600 a month, plus 66% health, plus childcare, plus a 20% administrative fee and case review every three years etc. etc. OW (by the grace of God) decided that she would settle out of court as she owed back child support for the child she gave up to another man. (She was in arrears). I guess she didn't want to make waves. <p>Juvvy court tried to talk her out of settling with us, but our atty waved them off and we used the formula that the state has on the books and we came up with what we owed (see my post above)<p>I thank God we got things settled the way she did. We filed in a higher court, so Juvvy can't go back and hurt us. It did work in our favor to file first. I am not thrilled about this, but I don't begrudge the OC her money (she has to live too) but I do begrudge the selfishness of her parents.<p>I feel for those who aren't that fortunate or live in states that really are hostile to fathers in general. I guess it's a case of a few rotten apples spoil the whole barrel. In my opinion, all facts should be gathered and decided on a case by case basis and not on a "one size fits all" law.
(that must be my favorite phrase of the month...LOL!)<p>Anyways, that is how we settled.
In your case mariachimom, it would pay to get an atty, establish paternity and hack out a settlement and just have the judge sign it if she is amicable. That would be ideal. Make sure you cover all the bases in it too. (as well as what your state laws require too) usually your atty is out to make sure you get what is fair and her atty is out to get all they can for the OC. (understandable) but I am not schooled in the matters of law and it's best to get an atty to cover your a**. That is another one of my favorite mottos...cover your a**....
Hope it works for you, let me know...
Hugs,
Twiisty<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Catnip,<p>I feel sorry for people like you who this screwed up system rake over the coals. My H cheated and created a child so yes he has to pay CS. But the courts need to realize the BS are innocent, our children are innocent. Should we starve, have to sell or rent our houses because someone made a mistake. No! We have endured enough pain already and it doesn't matter if we stay with them or not our lives have changed forever! <p>I'm so glad in my state we come first they realize my children have to be taken care of and supported
too. exOW only gets 8% of H gross pay right now and as ghetto as she is I doubt she will ever actually put OC in a daycare where she has to pay money out of her pocket. H and I just found out she actually put OC on welfare! Even though she has his medical insurance which is great and pays for everything the first year of a child's life. We were wondering why she only used his insurance 4 or 5 times. Oc will be 1 yrs old next month she should have gone to the doctor more than that. Low and behold she using state medical assistance people who are lazy and don't want to work kill me. She went back to her old job in Sept. But she keeps her Food Stamps and Medical assistance for two years! And it doesn't matter what her income is she still gets this assistance. I wonder why we need welfare reform. Stop giving money and assistance to people who don't need it. Anyway that was my vent session for the week. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Unsure

I have come out of hiding to post a reply to this post. This issue makes me very angry. My H pays 1100 a month for one OC which includes half of day care for child. The OW wanted child at all costs. My H tried to tell her of difficulties she would face raising child as single mother. She had not kids at this point, so wanted this child at all costs.Told him she would expect nothing from him, then 6 months later sought the high CS we now pay. He wished her to abort/adopt child out, none of which she wanted any part of. Now she talks of the stress she is under raising child alone, and how little money she has since she works but makes little. I could care less. I saw we pay the CS, not just H, for those of you who think he is paying for his mistake.I live in a community property state-for those of you who do, as I asked a divorce attorney and sought counsel from told me, half of this payment for OC to OW is my money. I estimate OW and H will owe me about 120,000 over 18 years. I will never see that money.Further, if I divorce my H, something I am seriously more and more considering, he will not be able to afford CS to OC nor our kids and still have money to live himself. And if I divorce him, my kids will hurt econically, as will I, for something neither they or I played a part in.Do any of you think this is fair? THe other woman in this case would be happy to reduce CS if we accept joint custody.Why in hell would I want this child here -the child who ruined my life? Sorry, this whole topic makes me angry.OW has never said she is sorry for this issue of money of mine paying for her and my H's irresponsible act.Tries to act she is being mature and responsible-heck, neither she or my H were responsible, so don't try and paint that picture now.I regret everything about this affair,and I had no part in it. I hate it all,and agree with you , catnip, so much. YOur words are eloquent. Would love to email you privately. think about it.

SWS<p>Jenny once told me that in essence we have all been raped into step-parenthood, against our will, against our wishes.<p>We know the WS and OW are responsible for our torment and anger. Our spouses have violated our trust and our marriage vows in the worst possible way. The OW gets to call all the shots that effect each of us personally if we choose to stay....in fact, whether we stay in the marraige or not, this effects us the rest of our lives.<p>We are all in the same boat, SWS. Don't do anything rash or anything you may live to regret. You sound too angry to make any decisions about divorce right now. Give yourself a chance to think things through when you aren't so upset.<p>Those of us who are forced to pay extraordinary CS amounts every month probably find it more difficult to let go of the anger and move forward.<p>I completely understand how you feel; I felt and feel as you do, but we must find effective ways to resolve this issue. There will be things posted here soon, I'm sure, that may offer some information and perhaps some small steps towards reform. The process will take years and years, you know. <p>Stay focused on your marriage and come here often to read and post...we're all here for one another, we're here for you.<p>Catnip =^^=

Catnip & sickwithsadness,
I have not posted here for a while but have been reading the posts. All of these women here deserve a lot better than what we have been given.
To sickwithsadness; I felt every word that you wrote in your last post as far as the anger you felt with how the OW didn't want anything at first but then came back months later for CS! I'm sorry but the wives on this board are right to be angry! I believe it was catnip who said we are being "raped" by the judicial system and are helpless to do anything about it. The judge in our case hit my H with a $2,500 a month CS payments! Can you believe it! Like you all have been saying the court system did not take his W and two other children into account. If that wasn't bad enough, the judge had even made a mistake in the calculations and it is suppose to only be $1,800 a month but they won't change it until we go back to court to petition the judge's decision! What a crock of sh*t! Needless to say we can't afford that so we too are legally seperated and are in the process of changing everything over to my name. What really aggravates me is that the BS and our children are the innocent victims also, like the OC, but the OW are treated like the BS and getting compensated for it! That's where my blood pressure hits the roof! This has to stop! We BS need to do something about these laws. If anyone else has any ideas, I'll gladly jump on the band wagon. I'm also interested in suing the OW for pain and suffering. Any ideas?
Surreal22

Surreal22<p>Your kind of post is one that sends me reeling into orbit. I actually choked when I read $2500 per month. All that money to raise a kid that doesn't cost more than a couple hundred a month to provide for...the rest going to shelter the OW as if she was a wife of many years entitled to alimony compensation for her contributions to the marriage and family. I am enraged for you.<p>These OW's have to provide a place for themselves to live regardless whether or not they have spawned. In my not so humble opinion, shelter and utilities and basic needs are THEIR problem and no one elses and no one should have to pay for them except the OW! Arrrggghhh.<p>You can sue for Personal Injury in the state where the affair and conception took place, perhaps, and especially if you can prove the OW knew about you and that you had a family and she just didn't care and boldly went ahead anyway.<p>Women are the final decision makers whether or not there will be sex, unless it is rape. Therefore, if a woman knowingly has sex with a man she knows is married and has children, regardless of what she is told by him, she is, in my opinion, open to a Personal Injury law suit. Esepcially, like in my case, I found out about the affair the first week and called OW and begged and pleaded with her to refrain. She told me to more or less go phuque myself and that she intended to do the same with my husband. A real pip. She deserves to be dragged into court and humiliated for being a whore. But more importantly, I am hoping that even though she has no money, I might be awarded something that can go against the arrears and have the payments adjusted retroactively and to something fair and just...not this ridiculous extortion.<p>I found an attorney (Divine Providence) willing to work contingent after I pay him basic court costs of $1500, because he wants to be a part of support reform and draw attention to this injustice, knowing he will probably not win any money for himself. There are some out there, esepcially the young and idealistic ones, who are willing to do this. Go on the web search like I did and just start searching and calling and asking if there is anyone in the firm willing to make a difference to right these wrongs.<p>Good luck<p>Catnip =^^=