My husband and I spilt for four months because of
his pot habit and all the things that went along with it. He didn't work for 3yrs of our marriage.
When he came back he swore he would never bring it in the house again. He has only been back for a little over a month and I caught him smoking the other night. He claimed it was the first time and that he was sorry, but he said he wanted to continue smoking, just not as much as he did in the past. He still has been wonderful and loving and he has been working fulltime. However, I checked his bank acct and he has withdrawls that obviously went to drugs, he said that he spent the money on christmas gifts, but christmas came and went and I still haven't recieved a gift. I am so scared that it will cause a huge wegde between us again. Our four year old can't take another break up.( either can my heart.) A drug addict is not easy to talk to because they don't think the same way we do.(it took me years to figure that one out). I can try talking to him but if he is smoking more than what he lets on it will do no good. Any suggestions?
I can't leave him with out trying to work it out.
T/Y

I know of lots of pot smokers and most of them don't have girlfriends and never will for long. The select few that are married walk that fine line of respecting their wives and their wishes (to an extent)although I don't think they are completely happy about it, they live with it because their love and friendship includes some compromise. I personally do not think pot is that bad (although I do not allow it or my wife to use it)it is just some peoples' "bag of tea" so to speak. Some people smoke and don't drink, is that so bad? Granted, every damn day might be a wee bit overboard, you may want to consider conceding maybe a couple times a week and that way he won't have to sneak and lie.

My wife didn't like the way I drank so much beer everyday, although I did not get drunk (spread them out throughoout the day) so she would count them and limit me to just a couple. I would often guzzle a couple on my way home and then get my couple in. Do you see what happens here? If he can come home knowing he could walk outside and take a puff then relax after work, that may be the ticket, then again, if that is strictly against your beliefs then it could be a long road.

Do you have a glass of wine or a drink when you get home from a tough day?

Tabitha - You are right to be concerned. Pot is an ILLEGAL, addictive, harmful drug. I am a law enforcement officer and a police chaplain. I can't tell you how many times I have encountered harmful situations where pot had a role - domestics, accidents, and the like. It is an incideous drug that is definitely habit forming. It is an entrance into more serious drug use. There are justifiable reasons why it is an illegal substance. I would advise you to lovingly, but firmly, request your H to immediately quit smoking it. If he refuses you have a big problem on your hands, as he is not only selfish but is probably addicted. This is NOT an issue to POJA on, in my opinion. May God grant you wisdom in dealing with this issue.

Tabitha

I agree with both Riverdog and hurting Promise Keeper.

Having been both a Pot smoker and heavy drinker, I can speak from experience. When you are criticized and pressured to not do something that is adictive and that you like, you find ways to continue. In fact sometimes you find way to increase what you are doing.
Like Riverdog said. Stop for a few beers on the way home, then drink what you're allowed to when you get there.
I still drink but now that I am seperated and don't have the criticism and pressure, I have no problem coming home from work and having a beer or 2. In the past, When I was hiding it, I would get in as many as I could when I had the chance.

Any addiction can cause major damage to a relationship. I gave up pot because W and I decided to start a family. There was no way that I was going to bring that into my childrens lives. Even if I kept it hidden from them, there was still the potential for leagal problems as well as aditional financial burden that could still affect them. Besides, I wouldn't want them to think that it is ok because "Daddy does it"

I would recomend that you adress this with your H in an understanding way. Let him know that it needs to stop and you will support him as long as he shows you the effort. Things like this don't always stop overnight, but you should let him know that he needs to be completely open with you about it without you being critical or complaining all the time. But he must show initiative and progress or it is going to have a severe impact on your future.

Don't threaten him or Bi**h at him. Be understanding and supportive of any effort that he shows.

You should also find support for yourself for dealing with his addiction from a professional. I don't know where you would go, but there are support groups for every kind of addiction as well as many for people dealing with someone who has an addiction.

Good luck