From my H's check. I am not really sure how I feel about it, as I am still shaken from being screwed in more ways than one by it all. Although I am fortunate that we settled, that doesn't mean that OW will stay in her corner indefinately. I will have to live with the fact that if she wants more $$$ she knows where to go...back to court. I will have that over my head for 16 years.<p>I am tired. Tired emotionally. Tired physically (lost 60 pounds so far) and just plain old worn out. I have people on my butt (in our families)for the decisions that only H and I can make. I am trying so hard to forgive and move on. This payment (extortion as one so eloquently put it) is wearing me down too. How does one "move on"?<p>I know I chose to stay and work at our marriage. I know the Lord hasn't released me from leaving. But how do I reconcile my anger? Where is the justice for me and my children that are of the home?<p>I can't wait for the day that I can be ruled by logic instead of emotions. I fear that I will grow cold and I don't want that anymore. I don't even know the purpose of posting this as I don't even know how to begin to get out what is bubbling below the surface right now.<p>Mere words do not do justice to the feelings that I have and a precious few here do know what I am talking about.<p>I will shut up now. Please pray for me for those of you who pray. <p>Thanks,
Twiisty

Twiisty<p>You're in my prayers and I am sending you comfort and love. I have to sign off for a while but I will be back later with a response...stay strong...this too shall pass.<p>Catnip =^^=

twiisty,
I know what your feeling been there. Hang in there hon it will pass I promise.
Sorry this is so short only got a min little ones christmas program is tonight.
You will be in my prayers.<p> with love flowerseed

Dearest Twiisty,<p>I will send out a prayer for you too..<p>Here's a hug for now..
((((TWIISTY))))<p>I like giving hugs<p>~Butterfly<p>[ November 29, 2001: Message edited by: butterfly ]</p>

Twiisty,<p>I, too, am sending my prayers for your trying time. <p>Love,<p>Tigger

I hope you realize that I have been praying for u, am praying for u, and will continue to pray for u. The anger does lessen. It just takes time and....prayer. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by twiisty:
<strong><p>1. I will have to live with the fact that if she wants more $$$ she knows where to go...back to court. I will have that over my head for 16 years.<p>2. I am tired. Tired emotionally. Tired physically (lost 60 pounds so far) and just plain old worn out. I have people on my butt (in our families)for the decisions that only H and I can make. I <p>3. But how do I reconcile my anger? Where is the justice for me and my children that are of the home?<p>4. I can't wait for the day that I can be ruled by logic instead of emotions. I fear that I will grow cold and I don't want that anymore. <p>5. Mere words do not do justice to the feelings that I have and a precious few here do know what I am talking about.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Twiisty<p>1. Don't project!!! If you obsess over this, you will have spent precious time worrying about something that might never ever happen... all in vain. Try to live in the moment as much as possible, which I know is nearly impossible because we all have a tendency to wallow in the past in an effort to make sense of what happened and how this tragedy visited us. If it does happen, perhaps by then there may be new laws that are more just and reasonable...who knows. None of us have a crystal ball...mine's in the shop.<p>2. Ahhhh, the Trauma Diet. I lost 25 myself. Have recently gained 10 back. It comes back if you get complacent or depressed and try to medicate yourself with the wrong kinds of food and gargantuan portions. As for in-laws, outlaws, relatives and well meaning friends...I have heard that the reason why most of these people encourage us to leave our spouses is because they themselves cannot deal with our devastation. It's out of their pain of seeing us so miserable that they dismiss the history, the ramifications of what life would be like for us if we did actually leave. A Retrouvaille priest once told me that if I think it is hard staying in the marriage, just try divorcing my husband...he insists that the destruction of divorce far outweighs the initial hardship of staying in the marriage and rebuilding...plus you get the satisfaction of emerging victorious, often bringing your marraige to a higher plane of compassion, understanding, love and closeness you never knew before or dreamed possible.<p>3. The anger is cyclical. I am three years into this and have had a very tumultuous recovery with my husband because of his problems. Kind of like a car engine that needs an overhaul...chugging, stopping, starting up, running smoothly, only to start chugging again when you think everything is on an upswing after major repairs. Disappointing. But when the rage surfaces for me, and it still does from time to time, I deal with it and let the anger wash over me for a time to get it out of my system. Then it goes away and stays away for longer periods each time...fewer and farther between. It's a process. And there is no justice for us yet, Twiisty...not yet. But, it will come someday. Stay strong and focus on your husband and kids and try to stay in the now best you can.<p>4. You'll never grow 'cold', just more pragmatic and more mature. I was an iceblock for the first year and a half, seething with rage and snarling and unfeeling of others' problems. I am sure it is God's grace that has wrapped around me like a warm cloak, allowing me to empathize with others, be more gracious and understanding than ever before, while maintaining my new found objective resolve, that may at times 'seem' like coldness when in reality it is just a refusal to let the [censored] get me down. I'm not wimpy anymore but still know how to feel for others and love them and be tolerant of them and their quirks and idiosyncracies.<p>5. That is why this site is such a blessing. All of us here are struggling with the same dilemma and trying to find our way...the one that is right for us and our families. Finding words to describe the profound devastation in our lives is quite impossible...there are no words to relay the impact of the depth of our sorrow...it's just too much. <p>You will be amazed and in awe of your strength as you evolve through this, Twiisty. <p>God bless you and comfort, protect and guide you.<p>Catnip =^^=

Twiisty,<p>The first few payments hurt. And it takes awhile to get used to the adjustment in income but you'll get used to it eventually. Like Catnip says don't worry about the unknown I used to do that. Play out entire stories in my head and create a bunch of unnecessary stress. Try not I know it's hard but your going to have to deal with this sad situation one day at a time and not dwell on the future until new issues arise. It took me a long time to get there but I'm finally there. When I find myself back sliding I pray and try to let go. OC will be a year in a few weeks I find myself LB's for no reason. I looked at the entire situation and told myself to calm down because H is still doing a great job of trying to make our marriage work and I realized I was puishing him away. You're in my thoughts and prayers.<p>Unsure

Thanks y'all for your prayers and sound advice. I went to prayer group last night and tried to release the fear and resentment that is building up in me.<p>I guess we won't know what tomorrow holds...better just enjoy today. Can't be sure we have a tomorrow...<p>(My magic 8 ball is in the shop...dagnabit!)<p>Anyways, y'all are a great bunch and thanks for making me feel at home.<p>I will get through this and with your help, will be stronger for it. It's just so raw and fresh right now. I'm just tired of having to be the "strong one" and the "nice one" all the time.<p>Thanks for letting me vent,
Hugs,
Twiisty
Today wasn't as bad as I thought and it is also my H's and my DD's birthday...she's 2, he's 32, but in reality she thinks she's "32" and my H thinks (and acts like) "2" at times...LOL [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Catnip wrote:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>As for in-laws, outlaws, relatives and well meaning friends...I have heard that the reason why most of these people encourage us to leave our spouses is because they themselves cannot deal with our devastation. It's out of their pain of seeing us so miserable that they dismiss the history, the ramifications of what life would be like for us if we did actually leave. <hr></blockquote><p>Just to let you know, I am getting grief from my in-law's and H's aunt to "allow" the OC into our lives. My H made his decision about not having to do with OC from the beginning. I am getting grief for supporting my H in whatever he decides to do.
Of course, I do not want OW in our lives, which is why I am more at peace with this decision, but the things my In-law's have said to me, leaves alot to be desired.<p>I finally had to tell them that if they have any mroe beefs about it, to tell them to H. I won't hear of it any more and will hang up the phone.<p>They will gripe to me, but won't gripe to the source that caused it all??? I feel betrayed by my in-law's too. I have known them since I was 15.<p>But I wanted to clarify that one thing. I will persevere and stand strong and my H did call and tell his parents that we will not discuss it anymore. He also stood up for me which made me feel a little better. But it will take some time for the sting to ease.<p>Hugs,
Thanks for your sound advice.
Twiisty [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Twiisty, I do not know if you will remember me, I was chatting with you the other night on AOl with Zebra and NGU. If you do remember, than remember the story I told you about the oc and the visitation we had. We fought for it for close to two years, we spent a couple of thousand to get it. We wanted the oc to know his father and siblings, things were great and we all were enjoying each other, now if you do remember the story of the situation we are in know and what my dh was accused of, tell your in laws of the pain, suffering, heart ache, and finicial strain my family is now experiencing. I used to think that contact would do all of us wonders and we would all benefit from it over time. Well, now we are in for another huge legal battle to clear my dh name of the false charges against him.
The oc fell and got a bruise and now my dh is accused of child abuse. I am dealing with this all as best I can. If you and your dh have decided on no contact leave it at that if you are comfortable, tell my new story to thouse that put pressure on you. Pray for my family so that we may get through this. Stay strong and remember your family and your sanity should come first, do not let others tell you how you should live your life, as you, not them, have to live it. Peace and love to you and yours. Gabi1116

Gabi,
I do remember talking with you, but would never divulge anyone's story to anyone without their permission, even to my family members. But if you say it's ok, I would love to tell them what happened. Thank you for letting me.<p>I will continue to pray for you and your situation. My heart truly goes out to you and your H right now.<p>My H and I sat down and played devil's advocate and tried to come up with all points with OC involved in our lives. Then we wrote it all down, pro's and con's. We also wrote out the pro's and con's of life without OC in our lives and we have found that it is best for the child (because of her unreasonable mother) that we bow out of the picture. (Of course, that was my H's decision from the beginning. He had three years to think about it before I found out.)<p>I feel bad at times, but I know what the Lord told me in our quiet times and that is HE will take care of OC.<p>I am praying that the Lord will bring you justice in clearing your names and the financial means for you to do it.<p>Please keep me posted. <p>Thinking of you and sending hugs,
Twiisty

Wow!what a message you started out with Twiisty! It's like you took the words right from my heart!!!H & I are still waiting for the final decision regarding CS. OW continues to call every 2-3 days with some "urgent" question or issue which sends me right back into my old insecurities, second guessing myself about trying to work on our marriage, etc. I too am having trouble with my in-laws. Last week mother in law said some really nasty things to me and stirred up alot of anger in my H. The well-meaning friends oftentimes say hurtful things too. I know they're trying to help but I feel so alone sometimes. Thank goodness for this site. I feel your pain! Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for writing what I haven't taken the time to. If you ever want to chat just let me know and I'll get you my e-mail address. Hang in there, and I will remember you in my prayers.

MBM626,<p>Sure, I'd love to chat anytime...let me know!<p>Hugs,
Twiisty