I am really not doing well right now. I give and give and dont know that I will ever get back enough. H is/has been doing better but I it just doesnt seem to be enough some days.<p>Does H love me? Yes. Does H want to make our marriage work? Yes. I just dont know if that is enough at times.<p>I have given up financial stability...H was unemployed and floundering for first four years of our marriage.<p>I was emotionally and verbally abused for about 3 years of our marriage...H was addicted to methamphetamine for 15 years. I was unaware of addiction until last 2 years of it.<p>When I finally believe my marriage is making that turn...3 month affair with resulting OC. H wants OC to have his name because "exOW has other son to carry her name."<p>Am I a perfect wife...NO. I can be uncaring and uncompromising with expectations. I am often too independent and dont show any need for a man in my life. I make my own living and can pay my own bills. I deal with my own problems on my own in my own way. My H turned to a woman who needed a man and H needs to be needed.<p>BUT I NEED HIM TO NEED ME! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I just feel as though I have sacrificed so much and have received very little in return. I also thought I believed that you give in a marriage without concern for what you will get in return. I am not so sure.<p>Is this related to the holidays, D-day (Nov. 28), or do I need to consider leaving this marriage? I just pray that God will help H to see, but I also hear my family telling me that I tend to think a small, miniscual(sp?), step in the right direction is cause for all out celebration. I do not want to be a doormat. HELP!!!!!

I am still kinda new to this, but I believe you may be dealing with the anniversary of d-day?<p>I will be praying for you as you have me,
Hang in there...e-mail me if you want to!
Hugs,
Twiisty

Tryin,<p>I agree with Twiisty that you're probably dealing with D-Day drama. I know I did, I felt exactly the way you do. My H is doing 90% better and I still flipped out on him last week, OC B-Day is on the 10th. I kept thinking about how I felt last year this time. I started LB's big time H didn't understand what was going on. I still didn't tell him the real reason I was going crazy. I blamed it on PMS and this new diet I'm on. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'm trying to put this OC crap behind me until I have to deal with contact. Do you and H have kids? I don't understand his reasoning for wanting OC to have his last name. OC in my case has H last name because exOW forged H name to an Acknowledgment of Paternity form. (She risked jail to do this and was almost arrested) I think we all want to feel needed knowing some feels like they can't live without us. Keep praying and keep your head up.<p>
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