I am wondering how your visit with H is coming along? I didn't e-mail as I figured you would be busy and stuff....Hope all is going well for you and I'm praying for you!
Hugs,
twiisty
WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey Girl,<p>I picked up my h at LAX on Tuesday afternoon. We have just been doing dumb little things like shopping, movies, relaxing at home. Tonight he made me dinner. Of course we have gone to In N Out, Weinerschnitzel... food places that aren't in MN. The visit was going ok, but lastnight things kind of hit the roof...<p>Of course we were intimate, and i had to blow it by saying, "i want to get pregnant", and he said "no", in a nice way, i guess. I then said, "oh great, you will give a trashy whore our baby but you wont even give me one, your own wife". He said that it wasn't the right time ( i know that), but i wanted to just get pregnant, i don't know, I just want what belongs to me. I have desired to have a baby for soooo long and it makes me so mad that she has MY baby. uggh...
Somebody, shoot me!!<p>We then started talking about the moving situation, whether or not he is going to move to CA and basically he tells me that he really has no intentions of moving to CA with me. I just begin to lose it all over again. He tells me that we are just running away from her and our problems instead of facing them head on. I tell him that i don't want to be NEAR her ever again, and he says we can deal with her, problems together in MN. I just feel that he doesn't love me enough to help me with some of my pain and hurt that comes with simply living in Minneapolis. <p>And lately he has been talking about how he has a moral obligation to this child, when like 2 weeks ago, he told me that he would never see or have contact with child. He wants me and he wants this child, but if he stays in MN then he wants whats there more - child. <p>So today before i took a shower, i walked into the bathroom and pounded on the door and bruised my hand pretty bad, screaming and yelling... i can't remember what i was kicking but all i know is that my hamstring muscle started spasming and it was painful. I cried for about 15 minutes while the water ran... He put a note under the door that read, "i love you are you ok?" I didn't even respond to it, i just looked out the bathroom window and asked God to come for me please.<p>I don't even know why he is here. Sure i love him and we get along and try to put one foot in front of the other and make it through this time, both trusting God... It is hard though, when he has a chance to still be my h, only in CA, but he doestn't want to sacrifice MN and whatever is there for our marriage. He says that he will wait patiently for me in MN - that just kills me. I guess he will be waiting patiently forever then. <p>Thanks for your concern, Twiisty. You are always in my prayers along with the rest of our strengthened Marriage builder family.<p>Julia

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>He tells me that we are just running away from her and our problems instead of facing them head on. <hr></blockquote><p>*sigh* I got that line of reasoning from my H too. I think on their behalf it's fear...fear of moving to a new place again, probably financial, as a cop, having to start all over again (on the lower end of the ladder and having to work their way up all over again) these are some of the reasons that came up in marriage counseling for us.<p>We worked out a deal that if OW ever tried to contact H, he would call a supervisor immediately (that is if she walks up to where he's stationed at or in his unit) and then he would call me immediately, even if it's 2 a.m. to let me know) and deal with it then. It's a small way to build trust, especially in my case when I can't do a thing about it anyway. I don't like it, but we are trying to work out things.<p>I don't like even being in the same state and breathing the same air as OW...but that's just my feelings. If what we heard is correct, she is engaged to someone now and I am praying for peace, happiness and true contentment for her so she will leave my H alone. I am daring to believe that fiance-man (our nickname for OW's man) would be a kind, loving and doting father-figure for the OC. (If not adopt the child, she's only 2)<p>I am praying for you and H. I wonder if you could compromise somehow? Find something that you both are mutally enthusiastic about. Could you work out something? <p>Sit down with him, write out the pro's and con's of life with OC (all your fears, insecurities, feelings etc. does he expect you to care for the child? Do you even want to be around the child? Can he have supervised visitation in a state sponsered visitation room? etc.. etc..) Are you ok with H having supervised visitation with someone other than OW? <p>Realistically with my H's hours and shift work, he told me he couldn't expect me to bear the brunt of caring for OC whether I wanted to or not. He works nights and sleeps days, as it stands, my kids have to make an appointment as well as me to see him!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] !!<p>Write down all of your feelings and thoughts. Also, would you BOTH work as a team to present a united front to OW??? My H and I decided that we would BOTH sign all letters to her and that we have a P.O. Box for all correspondance that pertain to medical insurance, other than that she was told she is on her own. (Our choice and it works for us).(My H signed away as much as his rights as he can, but we still have to pay CS and insurance until OC is 18 or adopted).<p>There are lots of things to consider and if you write down pro and con's of OC in your life and not in your life, maybe seeing it on paper would show your H that there are things he wasn't considering. Does he have shift work? Maybe as time wears on and OW starts showing her "true colors" it will knock him out of the fog. Our OW knocked my H out his fog rather quickly. (Waaaaaay before I found out about Ow/oc).<p>I am praying for you and H. I am praying that you both can come up with something that would make you both happy. It does sound like he does love you. Try to work on that. <p>That's all I can say...hope I make sense...I am trying to get the kids ready for school in between typing this and changing two diapers!!!
Hope to hear from you soon!<p>Hugs,
Twiisty